[Nas]

I may be one of the rare people here who thinks my H and OW will go the distance.  I do think she "coached" him in some way as he was leaving me, but she also left her H, so he probably did his own form of "coaching."  In the end, they are two broken people who seek outside validation and they found it in each other and somehow the cards were in their favor. 

I obviously don't wish her well, but she's never met me and only knows what H told her about me.  To her, I'm just a person out there in the world who she's never met and can easily turn a blind eye to. She's a garbage person for hurting me for her own selfish reasons, but there are garbage people all over this world.  My H is the one who made vows to me.  My H is the one who was supposed to have my back.  My H is the one who abandoned me.  OW is garbage, but to me, H is worse.  I always considered myself pretty "street smart" with a really good b.s. detector, but I was naive to the kind of selfishness that could exist in people until this happened.

[Thunder]

Does anyone want to continue this discussion by starting a new Discussion thread? 

[Mortesbride]

My own take is it is some sort of LBS fog where the LBS can't bear to blame their own spouse so they project it onto the OP. It may very well be that the OP supports the MLCer, as one would expect a partner to do, but I think that these MLCers are so out of control that no one really can control what they do, not the OP, not the LBS, and probably not even themselves. And attempting to control others is such a big part of MLC for many of them that you really have to look at them as the ones in the driver's seat. Or at least that is how I look at it.

I think like many of the spectrums on this website this is another area where behaviours are on a 'spectrum'.

At the far end we have the LBS blames everything on the OW, all the MLCer's love and affection is buried, if we could just get rid of the OP then he would come running home...we shall call this 'pink tutu' syndrome. 

On the other side you have LBS anger and rage. Everything is solely the MLCer's fault, they are to blame, they completely changed, they flipped out...they do it all because they are evil. We shall call this 'monster hunting'.

The truth as always will lie somewhere in between, and where each LBS is will vary on the spectrum both now and over time.

So to say that the OM/OW has no influence over the MLC is impossible. All partners/family/friends have an influence on you. People you sleep with definitely do. The OM/OW is invested in this 'relationship' for what they get out of it. Be it money, adoration, career advancement, or just wanting to win. It doesn't matter. They will have a voice that pokes at the MLCer and urges them to do what they want and what they have a vested interest in. Same as a married couple do, though probably a bit more selfish by both of them.

The MLCer will have a choice. They can feed the angry demon raging inside of them, and say ''Om/Ow is right! I deserve this...'' and go after it using the AP encouragement to feed their own desire. They can think ''I am not really sure, I think OM/OW is just jealous'' and maybe drag their feet. Or perhaps they decided OM/OW has no say in the matter so they just nod and listen until the whining/b!tc#ing gets to much...so they inch the progress along just enough to get them off their back.

It is to complex to just say ''it is all AP fault'' or ''it was always my MLCer's choice''.  It is their choice ultimately, but their heads are a foggy mess and the closest person to them at this moment is the AP. The AP does have influence over them, and does ultimately guide or nag their decisions to some degree. Some MLCers will see that for what it is, some will go with the flow, and some will have fights to tell them to back off. That is probably due to a MLCer's individual nature and how far they are still in the limerance stage (or whatever term you'd like to use for schmoopie ville).

[ChrissYAH]

If they have all this uncontrollable 'rage' inside them why do they take it out on their families, and not the O W/M?? how long can they keep it up? doesnt their mask fall occasionally to give the OP a glimpse of their not so perfect selves???

[Songanddance]

If they have all this uncontrollable 'rage' inside them why do they take it out on their families,

Guilt guilt guilt and it's easier to look back and blame someone than it is to look at the current situation and take responsibility.

Locking this thread and you are welcome to start a new one if anyone wants to.


New thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10960.0