[forthetrees]

You might be eligible for spousal until the youngest turns 18. Now there´s some reality pie.

[Buggy31]

Really?  Don't you mean child support?  I could get spousal for that long.  I'm going for the gusto baby.  Not to punish but to protect myself and the kids.  Finances are just going to get tighter with him as the baby is coming. So I've made sure to get money for summer camps beforehand.  Kid activities will be part of the D settlement so I just have to negotiate now.  He's been cooperative with all of this...as HE SHOULD be. 

[forthetrees]

A copy and paste

Since spousal support laws are state laws, they all differ, but generally these same factors can be found throughout most states, as you can see from our sample statutes: the standard of living maintained during the marriage; the occupations of the ex-spouses during the marriage; the need of the recipient; the ability to pay of the payor; the recipient’s earning potential and assets; the recipient’s ability to acquire education and training; the age of the ex-spouses; the health of the ex-spouses; and the skills of the recipient.

Fault, as noted above and as indicated in our sample statutes, is generally not a factor in an order for spousal support. In some states, however, the judge may still consider it. Your lawyer can advise you on this.

[Buggy31]

Great thanks FTT!

[forthetrees]

I found another source that said that spousal support could go for as long as the length of the marriage. Even no-fault states can take into account adultery when figuring spousal support so don´t assume that in PA it won´t matter.

[Still]

Buggy,

I don't know about spousal support, but being a fellow-PA-er, I can tell you that the person who is the primary holder on the account is the one that shows up on the credit report.

I am trying to get a re-fi......H refused to help, so I am trying to do it on my income alone. Because all the cards are in my name, even though he is a secondary user, the debt to income on the credit report is all on my rating. It doesn't matter that he is (hopefully) going to pay half, it is still impacting me greatly.....to the tune of taking out a 10-year longer loan just to get the refinancing.

So frustrating....

[Buggy31]

Luckily a large majority of our credit card debt are on cards that are only in his name.  The credit card companies told me I am not liable for it although they were used during the marriage to tie up loose ends because we lived off one income but the reality is that I am not attached to them credit wise.  It might affect my credit report. 

Still I am trying to get an assumption or headed in that direction for the house.  My mortgage company said it's a change of life event and the same loan could be transferred to one of the spouses...with the same rate and everything.  I have time to figure this out but this might be one option or refinancing.  I only have support as income currently so hoping for a job to give me boost as the loan is not unaffordable on one income.

[LKK]

I have an appointment with an attorney in 2 weeks "just in case".  New to all of the forums but I too am from PA.  Frorm what I have been told any debt acquired (and this is in PA only because we have a basic child support calculator unlike a lot of states, we follow a specific formula, and  temporary alimony until divorce and assets are finalized) during the marriage for marital purposes, regardless of who held the card is considered marital debt, unless proven otherwise and the amount comes out of any assets.  Even though PA doesn't have a legal separation you can still have an agreement drawn up (which I may do) just for this purpose and if you seek child support during this time.  That way the date is clear and there was something about being able to go ahead with a divorce after certain time stipulations, but I didn't really pay attention to that part because I don't think it will apply to me and I figured the attorney I've contacted will review that.  I'm having a hell of a time with this, a stay at home mom, who did work part time and husband is at least now seeing psychiatrist and on meds for anxiety, depression and paranoia.  Really new to this, moved out last week, but erratic behavior, causing me to lose temper, since December but other signs long before, like 3 years... I'm so exhausted and hacking into a small retirement, fees be damed, to pay for attorney.

[LisaLives]

While no one wants to consider divorce or any of the ugliness, the fact is, it can get ugly.  There were several things I screwed up, so I thought I might start a thread to keep other people from making the same mistakes I made. 

1) Open your own individual account immediately.  I can't qualify for a mortgage based on my income alone--I need my support order to be counted, but they require one year of regular payments to an individual account.  He opened his own account and made transfers to our joint account, but that does not count since technically he had access to that money. 

2) Cancel joint credit cards and get an individual one asap.  I actually did this right since I always maintained my own credit lines and I was a business owneer.  I still have a stellar credit score, but most women do not after divorce.       

2) Make sure you get him to make YOU the beneficiary of his life insurance.  I also can't qualify for a mortgage without a guarantee on his payments.  He had a heart attack in all this mess, so I can no longer get a new policy on him and I did not think to force him to make me the beneficiary of the policy that we bought together. 

3) Know that there is a thing called an "elective share" in most states.  Regardless of what the spouse states in their will, the surviving spouse is entitled to a portion of all assets after death.  In my state it is 1/3.  So, no matter what is in the will, the spouse can claim a portion.  This is significant if you are not yet divorced or if your ex remarries.  My ex does not understand this.  He wants me to make him the beneficiary of all my assets if I die before him, but doing so makes her able to claim at least a third of them when he follows me.  And depending on what debt they incur, she could get ALL my assets if I were to make him the beneficiary.  Also, my attorney told me it was no use drafting a new will until the divorce was finalized because he could claim his elective share and tie up everything forever, so it was in my best interest to get things settled.

4) Seek legal and financial advice right away.  I am in a great position because I did own a business and I had an attorney and accountant at my disposal immediately.  There are so many things to consider, and you have to know immediately that monster may not have shown him/herself  yet, but he could at any minute and you need to be prepared. 

Just a thought and a warning because I did make mistakes that will cost me forever...  Lisa

[Moving Forward]

This is a very good thread LL,
My tips would be:-

1. if you have money phobias or are unable to manage money then get help (really quickly) to learn to manage on a budget and deal with any 'issues' you have
2. take a snapshot of all life assurance, assets and debts at a particular point in time - an spreadsheet listing what and where it is and who it belongs to is good enough - you may need to review it during the process
3. have a 'vision' for your future fiscal life - then you'll know what you are aiming for and whether your actions are taking you towards or away from that goal
4. in the UK State pension provision is poor and we may have individual private pensions which become viable at 55/60/65 years of age - we all hope we'll live that long but you need to ensure that your pension provision is taken care of and doesn't rely on the 'goodwill' of your then exH to bestow his pension on you
5. if you have young children then consider their longer term educational needs and what provision can be made in the divorce for such things
6. I also ensured the watches which my husband had acquired during our marriage would go to our children upon his death - they are worth a lot of money and I didn't trust him to leave them to our children in his will
7. ask for confirmation of wills/life assurance etc  which was agreed during the divorce proceedings actuallyget put in place
8. aim for a 'clean break' as much as possible - I couldn't stomach the thought of having to renegotiate things in the future - but my exH is particularly angry and aggressive and is terrible with money....
9. have 'notes of interest' placed on any life assurance/pension policies which you/your children are beneficiaries - so if they get cancelled or payments are missed you are made aware at the earliest opportunity

This is such an important area as research has shown time and time again that women suffer worse financially in the long term after a divorce.

As you say LL, we don't want to consider these things but it is a sad reality that we may face this at some point.

P
x