[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

My H mentioned having a couple panic attacks in the last ten years, but he also hates to see the doctor so they've never been diagnosed as such; that is just what he calls them.

[hobo1]

The more I read about it, the more convinced my W has an Avoidant Personality Disorder.  I can see she has anxiety attacks when I question her about our relationship, and I can see that the months leading to BD, and the months after BD that she has OCD.

She claims not to be depressed, but in thinking about it, she was never really gregarious or happy.  She never felt I was safe enough to tell me about the AvPD, but I suppose that is all you've known, you won't know that there is something wrong...

Definitely an unhealthy childhood.  Unstable, and her mother abandoned her as a child emotionally, and then as a young adult and teenager, extremely controlling.

I knew that it couldn't be healthy, I didn't think it would cause her not to love me though...  If anything, I thought she would recognize that I love her, and she would realize how it's different than her mother.  I figured she would know how dysfuctional her mother was, and try not to be that way....

[WarriorSprit]

Mine had a terrible childhood as well. Her mother had a affair and would bring the boy friend home right in front of her husband. They where drunk all of the time. I can remember her dad crying wanting sex from his wife all of the time and he would tell my wife about it as well as her brothers and sister. Later in life my w hated her mother which I worked hard trying to get her to drop it because her mother changed , quit drinking etc.

[Faith]

Interesting thread.  My H never showed signs of depression or mental illness before BD.  If anything he was overconfident and bragged about himself quite a bit.  He often told me how much people liked him...which I found very odd.  Desperate for validation I guess.

He grew up in a seemingly perfect family, but it was all very fake and hypocritical.  All his family avoids conflict like the plague so they are sugary sweet to people's faces and talk horribly about them behind their backs.  I heard them bash H's sister's husband and have now learned they did it to me too.  H's sister is now divorcing her husband and began the process at the exact same time H began our divorce.   

[WarriorSprit]

Faith, first thanks for your thoughts. Here is what I found interesting. Telling you how much people liked him. Sounds like he may have not like himself because he needed to reinsure himself that others liked him. Also find it interesting that he filed for divorce the sametime as his sister. May have needed someone else to do first so he would not feel bad about himself. My guess is he has self esteem issues. Stay strong.

[kikki]

T and C
There are some earlier threads where we've wondered about this too - seems a lot of LBS came to the conclusion that the MLCers either had mental health issues - anxiety, depression, bipolar etc and/or personality disorders - most often avoidant, and with all of the elements coming together at this time of life - it seemed to tip them over the edge into crisis.
They don't seem to have the coping skills needed to navigate this time of life.

We also thought that a lot of the MLCers went under the radar with their mental health issues - often not severe enough to seek treatment and they were able to function okay up until this point. 

[WarriorSprit]

kikki thanks for the replie. The part you said under the radar. My w does very good at here job and likes it. However the bosses d told my w when she use to smoke that she too long for breaks. My w did not go back to her job for over two years and I still have no idea what prompted her to go back as I always made enough income for the two of us and she had no limit on what she could spend. Also mine was sent to a psychiatrist about 15 years ago by her doctor. First she never told me she had an appointment until after she went. She said the psychiatrist asked her if I beat-ed her or if her dad beat-ed her and she told him no. And she was not going back there because he was crazy. I always thought that something must have came out when she was there that she did not want to come out, so she never went back. One other weird thing. My wife would always baby sit for our one d and not the other. She always said over the years how pretty our youngest was and how she never wanted to have her. I started wondering if she was trying to punish her.

[kikki]

I always thought that something must have came out when she was there that she did not want to come out, so she never went back.

It does sound like it, doesn't it.  This is where the denial comes in.  They suppress things that should be dealt with.
At midlife, these aspects that are hidden in the shadows, start to scream to be heard.  The MLCers don't have the coping skills to deal with them.

I never understand how a parent can favour one child over another.  Not at all fair on the kids.   

MLC = no sense
We can't make sense of the nonsense