[readytofixmyselffirst]

I'm going to get accused of trying to mend him when its his journey

This isn't LBS technique class where you feel you are being judged by the others. It is not that we are trying to tell you that you are wrong, what we are trying to do is to provide you with information about MLC and that therapy does not work if the MLCer is not willing to change. In fact they will take everything the therapists says and use it against you especially during the early parts of replay.

There is nothing wrong with your reaction. If your h had a fever and was not feeling well, you would tell him to go to the doctor. Logical, reasonable, and rationale action. But in MLC, the rules are different. In MLC, your h goes to the doctor and comes back with a prescription to crack and tells you that the doctor recommends an immediate divorce.

That is why we try to get you to focus on you and not them. It is very difficult and like MLC, it takes time and you will go through stages too.

((((hugs)))

[rediscover]

As an example of where my H's head is:
D13, in Sept 2010, read a letter to h in therapy and in the letter she said, "I do not agree with what you are doing to our family. I will not support your decision to leave our family. I will not see you unless you continue going to therapy with me to help figure out why you feel the need to do this.". This session was recorded by the therapist and the letter was put into the file.  H was read the letter two times in an hour period and he restated key points from the letter. He didn't see D again for 6 months.
In therapy last month the Dr asked H why he didn't see her for 6 months and he said, "She said she never wanted to see me again.". The dr played H the recording of what was said and H said, "I never heard that." then dr played H's "restatement".  H said, "Oh, I didn't know that."
Also, during the same recent session H, on several occasions, told D that he couldn't repeat what she said because he wasn't listening.
My point is....they lie, they avoid, they blame. They are selfish. My H will spend $200 an hour to not listen to a word that his own child is saying. When asked by the therapist how she might be feeling H said, "Happy, excited, and ready to have fun."
Can you say "Replay"?

[WarriorSprit]

My w ran away when I asked her to go to a doctor.

[FixingMyself]

Thanks all of you,

I'll take that as a resounding NO to therapy for my H. In all honesty I probably would not be able to get him to go anyway just thinking outloud and trying to fix him I suppose. Which I do know is pointless.

I consider myself so lucky to have found you all and especially as perhaps I can benefit from other's experiences and mistakes.

 I'm doing my best but as I experience this more I can see how selfish and irrational he is. I am concerned about his spending which he seems to have memory blocks about. I told him today as I confirmed with him that he has infact racked up $20,000 of debt, that I did not want to speak to him anymore as I was feeling angry with him.

 Then as I put the phone down I immediately thought. "oh no I shouldnt have made him feel guilty he will avoid us now and wont take sons to soccer tournament this weekend. He already hasnt seen them since Sunday as he was away, then backed out of Thursday night due to jet lag.

I am detaching on the whole, weekends especially Friday nights are stressful as he and OW go out after work drinking and he wants to take them to sports on Saturdays (its easier than just being with them)  he did not wake up last Sat morning and I was left scrabbling aroud at 8.30 am  getting my son and his freind a ride to soccer practice.

Don't know if I should just releive him of early Sat unfortunately we dont have a car and I have 3 kids to look after.

You know with regards to therapy I should probably go myself how do you find one who is MLC understanding and pro marraige?

((((((HUGS)))))) to all of you if you ever visit NYC please get in touch