[OldPilot]

Our fearless leader was published on this blog today!

http://divorcereform.us/standing-for-something/

Nice job RCR!

[StillStanding]

Somehow I missed this update on this thread!

Can I ask if you and your wife had this counseling and education would it have stopped her MLC?
Would she be living with you now?
Is this the reason that you are not divorced yet?

I don't know why I'm not divorced yet, other than my wife apparently doesn't really want to get divorced. She's had more than enough time to do it, but it hasn't even come up once since she moved out. A couple of weeks ago she referred to "when we started having problems" and I just about fell out of my chair.

I am just saying that I have learned so much here about marriage and divorce, all of which doesn't mean anything.
It still takes two people to form a marriage, and both have to be committed to making it work on a live long basis.

I totally agree, which is why I think people need a better understanding of what they are getting themselves into when they get married.

It seems that our laws have made it too easy on both sides of this equation.
I am starting to believe that much of present civilization thinks that divorce is a good idea.

We here on this forum are definitely in the minority.

When I got married, my wife and I had discussions about divorce, and she was very firmly in the "divorce is the easy way out, people need to stick it out and figure out how to make it work" camp, while I was in the "Why stay in a relationship when you're not happy?" camp.

When all of this started, it felt like we had traded places: she was the one who thought that some relationships just don't work out, and I was the one who wanted to stick together no matter what.

But you know what? I don't think my stance has changed at all. I still think that people shouldn't be forced to stay in relationships that aren't good for them; but my understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work has deepened, and I do believe that many people aren't given the tools they need.

I can see divorce as the ultimate remedy in a relationship: both spouses should understand that the marriage vow to stay together "till death do us part" is not enslavement. And I still think that any kind of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse should be a deal breaker.

[God's child]

RCR-

Great article .  I would definitely like to see the changes made to where couples must wait several months before being able to file. I would like making changes in counseling procedures go to the preserving of marriage.  I am now divorced and yes, I was forced. That was the worst part.  When asked if I believed the marriage was irretrievably broken, I wanted to tell MY truth, that, "NO, I did not believe it was irretrievably broken...broken yes, but not anything that could not be repaired. I was advised to not say that I believed that.  If I did, I would be contesting it. It would be pointless to fight if my H would not work on the marriage.  He was given an easy out with the "no fault."

I kept saying , "what would he do if divorce was NOT an option?," If there were changes made to make it tougher, I felt it would possibly work at helping to "guide" the mlc'er into a different mind-path. I am not saying that it would stop the journey, as it is unstopable, but to make it NOT easy.  Make that process hard, so it is not the desirable, attractive, "option."  I don't know how it could be clarified so as to protect those who needed to get out of a dangerous situation, but I think  you understand what I mean. I sure would like to see changes.

I too was forced and wish that it could have been different.  But reading on I find that becauase my exh decided to live with the OW there is a sure possibility that it might not work out because the risk is high they will likely divorce. He had his cake and ate it to so to speak...