[cherryblossom]

CB......... please tell me what "plonker" means.   It sounds funny enough to get away with saying in mixed company, especially her in California!      

ha ha NSN it is quite harmless really.  It's a sort of endearing term for an idiot.  It was used to great effect in an 80s sitcom by character called Del Boy.  Check out this compilation - it'll give you a real feel for how best to use the term   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahcuPHVz6aM


You can let me know how it goes down in California - I may have to come over there and help you spread the word 

However, I have already prepared myself and planned not to respond to any monster-esque behavior that comes my way.   This is not my fault.   I cannot control his actions - only my reactions.    Sheesh!   I'm almost starting to sound like a healthy person again!   

Good for you!  You are not just sounding, but you're ACTING like a healthy person.  That is exactly the right attitude to take.  Even your H cannot control his actions so you have no hope in doing that.  It takes a lot of self-control to stop yourself from reacting, so well done and congratulate yourself every time you manage to do this.

Before I found this site I was reacting to everything and trying to fix my H.  it was me who was pushing for a D and my H was refusing to share his financial details or even just confirm who his lawyer was.   Everything is so secretive and hidden.  I think they think they're in some kind of secret service - maybe thinking they're James Bond or something - who knows 

Keep going - your'e doing great x

[NvrSayNvr]

HAHAHAHA!   CB, thank you for those words!  You're right, it is SO very hard not to react.   I've since realized that the paperwork H and his attorney sent over aren't even valid.   All the necessary info is completely out of date.   A bunch of stuff missing.    James Bond?..........maybe his illegitimate ugly brother!   

 And, yes, any time you want to cross the pond, you feel free to stop in California!   I'll bet you could really start in NY and work across the country from one LBS to the next  ).

I wanted to share something that one of the physicians I work with told me.   It was actually stated in regard to my D, who is waffling over whether or not to play sport in college.     The physician said, "Indecision is a decision."

It immediately hit me how applicable that is to all of our situations.    We have made decisions to stand, and yet so many of them have made a decision NOT to decide.   Maybe it's just me........it hit me as very profound.

[cherryblossom]

hee hee NVN, yeh, the suave sophistication of James Bond doesn't really fit does it?  Maybe James Plonker rather than James Bond.  Yep, that works - "The name's Plonker, James Plonker"   

California is on my list of places to go and in fact funny you should mention starting in NY because I plan to take a road trip and it'd be pretty cool to meet up with some lovely people on the way.  That is a great plan.  If I was having a MLC I'd leave right now

The physician said, "Indecision is a decision."

It immediately hit me how applicable that is to all of our situations.    We have made decisions to stand, and yet so many of them have made a decision NOT to decide.   Maybe it's just me........it hit me as very profound.

That is profound NVN.  It is a decision to be indecisive because it gives them some form of control, or so they believe.  I am fascinated to know how this all plays out inside their heads. Is it part of the secretive deception thing - they find something to blame, i.e. their inability to control the pull towards the OW,  or do they want more attention and sympathy even though they are being hurtful to others (woe is me) or is it simply that they have no control and are freefalling (or Skyfalling if we're keeping with the James Plonker theme).  Who knows, eh? 

x

[NvrSayNvr]

I literally laughed out loud sitting here with my morning coffee as I read your note CB.... "Plonker, James Plonker."   

I agree.........I would love to know how it plays out.    I have a confession to make.   When I got on the computer this morning, my daughter had left her facebook page open.   I paused....but could not stop myself from clicking on H's FB.   She is friends with him.    Sure enough.......... he's got nothing obvious on there..........even still has photos of me, but of 34 "albums" listed under photos, my daughter can only view 12.    So, he has 22 "albums" of photos that is hiding in some way.    I'm very pleased right now though........despite my disgust with myself for snooping after all these months........I don't feel sad, angry, or even hurt.    It is cracking me up the effort that he has to put into hiding things.......... it's not easy to hide things on facebook.    One incorrect click, and the whole thing is public.    It is those things where I realize they really can't help crashing and burning at some point.   These fellas are just too old to keep up that kind of deception for too very long.   At some point that house of cards will come crashing down.

My brother came into town last night........my brother who really never says anything about anything.......I dare say he is a bit shallow......lives in Los Angeles and all that implies.    He sat down with me and says, "So, you talk to H lately?"   I give him just the latest snippet about how he has been so helpful and going out of his way the past 3 months, and then a couple weeks ago I get a settlement agreement e-mailed to me at work.    Brother says, "Eff him, and Eff his pension."   I just kind of look at him because my brother never gives his opinion about much, and when he does it's usually not in my favor.   As I still have not commented, he says, "Seriously.   That guy made his bed.   He Effed up.   Eff him.  You apologized to HIM.   You forgave HIM and were willing to take him back and he kept walking.    Eff that Guy!"

I know it shouldn't have, but it felt really good to have my brother in my corner and stand up for me like that.   I have an uncle who still thinks my H walks on water and that I was lucky to have ever known him.     

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and smiles at least 10 times, and belly laughs at least twice.

[cherryblossom]

hee hee - 

I sometimes check my H's FB too.  We're still friends on FB and although I've hidden his posts from my feed, every now and then I check his page.  Not sure what I'm looking for or what the compulsion is to check - I guess maybe I'm searching for answers and wondering "is this really happening".   

I also felt good when I knew that my friends and family were in my corner.  I struggled a bit when I saw friends empathising with my H.  That really annoyed me but I'm managing to detach from that feeling, slowly but surely.  Not everyone can or wants to see the train wreck....

x

[NvrSayNvr]

Anyone like Mumford and Sons?  (music band)    I swear......whoever wrote their current album lyrics HAD to have gone through MLC......or be an LBS.     Check out the lyrics to "The Cave"    There's a few other ones, too, but they are singing to my heart right now.   )

I hope everybody has a great, relaxing weekend, full of smiles and laughter.