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Author Topic: MLC Monster Types of Denials

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MLC Monster Re: Types of Denials
#30: February 04, 2015, 06:16:25 AM
My H never takes the blame for anything, he is never guilty, never 'owns' the situation. He is never wrong about anything! Reading through it sounds like we are all married to the same person, lol!  :)
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Together 23 years, Married 18 years at BD
M 49, H 49
D17
D14
1st BD April 2014 (EA probably PA) left OW May 2014, came back home June 2014, 2nd BD August 2014. Lived with OW1 for 2 years, now with OW2 (half his age).
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Re: Types of Denials
#31: February 04, 2015, 08:34:49 AM
Blondie and MIMIx mine is the same.  Mine is never wrong also because he never owns anything. 

Everything was my fault because h never made decisions about anything.  Always looked to me to handle everything and then if something went wrong he would be in the clear. 

No more of that.  I make decisions for myself and d16 and our life together.  H is having some difficulty now because I don't interfere or make any decisions regarding him.  I leave it to him.  Kind of funny to watch the trouble he gets himself into. 

Last night h said to me, "I'm taking d16 for her tattoo on Friday. Why didn't you stop me from promising her that?  That was so stupid of me."  I just smiled.  I felt like saying, when will you stop trying to buy your daughter back and actually do the work and then you wouldn't be in this situation.  But I kept my mouth zipped. 
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BD Feb 2014
DONE
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Re: Types of Denials
#32: February 06, 2015, 08:42:28 AM
Certainly a reality check! I needed to read this again today.

H has excuses for everything. I always made all the decision too. Now I no longer do that and have left him to figure out his own life and his own mess. He continues to say if I would help him he could get things done faster and move back to town. NOPE. I'm not helping. I'm not fixing a mess I didn't create. I'm not cleaning up anything.

He can deny all he wants. It's still going to stare him right in the face until he deals with it.
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Re: Types of Denials
#33: February 13, 2015, 08:18:59 PM
There must be a pattern here, because I made all the decisions too. He was always the fun one. Always avoiding conflict.  Also I had to always deal with the crap. If there was a problem with a teacher at school. I had to go in and talk to them. He won't even take things back to the store that don't work right, he would rather just lose out on the money. When the insurance company refused to fix our hail damaged roof, he ended up agreeing with the guy. You're right not to help him Pixie, if he wants to be on his own, then he needs to be a big boy and take care of himself.
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And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13
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Re: Types of Denials
#34: March 11, 2015, 05:27:58 AM
Still all of these included.
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Me 53
H (whatever he is) 55
D for financial reasons March 2012
Started seeing massive change over the summer 2012
Left end of October 2012
Started coming home thanksgiving 2013
Home now. March 2014
Believe ow is gone
Probably going through this for years
OW discovered Oct.23,2013,old GF from before we met at the age of 16!
Left again Oct. 20 2015
Came back two weeks later
Still here 01/17 not done yet
Home 2019,rebuilding
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Re: Types of Denials
#35: April 29, 2015, 12:06:32 PM
A very eye-opening list.  My H goes to at least 3rd on the list... Which means there's a heck of a lot of work to be done, a lot of realisations to dawn. It makes you realise WHY rock bottom is necessary for some.  Rock bottom and outside guidance from a professional. It's the only way out. I don't think my H will simmer gently in this soup of denial for years because he's too highly strung. He's going to snap one day and that why, bizarrely, rock bottom is my best hope IF I decide I want to reconcile.
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BD June 2011
Affair discovered; three moves out and three attempts at return during 2012, culminating in "I'm not coming back" statement. Then DIY separation agreement - Feb 14 - which I wouldn't sign. He moved in with OW in 10/14 and I heard little more. I instigated D in 2016.  He's still living in rental with OW and her D but the cracks are starting to appear.
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