[Thunder]

Vole, I know my problem was...I married the first time at age 17 and had a very violitile  (sp) marriage.  Lots of fighting.
After our D I think I cringed at ever arguing again.  I just couldn't do it anymore.

My H came from a very disfuntional family.  Lots of fighting there, too
So he probably felt the same way I did about conflict.

We were both scared into not resolving issues.

I see things so much clearer now.  I will never be in another R where I keep my emotions quiet.
They fester.

[CruiseControl]

My H & I argued a lot, but it was the way we were both brought up....though now H says I was the fighter and he never wanted to .  His parents argued, his dad was bloody miserable and a drinker, though he was away at sea quite a lot when H was growing up.  They eventually bought a pub when H was at college, then his Dad couldn't deal with it and went back to sea.  Left his mum to run it and the guest house.  That didn't last long.  I think H's dad had MLC for a looooonnnggg time.  His mother would often say to me that she was quite fiery and made a joke about maybe having italian blood because she liked to get loud about things during arguements.

Fast forward to MLC time.....H is now saying that I was the one who fought and he hated it   And when he first started his affair he was on the phone to his Mum obviously saying how miserable his marriage was and had been for as long as he could remember....bringing up anything and everything he could think of.....and of course his mother sympathizing because of the situation she has with his dad being so mean.  I knew this woman for 20 years.  Last year when she visited she said she thought of me as more of a daughter than his wife   So now I am the devil incarnate .  MIL didn't know about the affair until I told her which was a month later....so H had been feeding her LIES for a whole month.  She hasn't spoken to me since I told her H was having an affair.....her words to me...."He's not depressed, are YOU?"  WTH!!!!

[TopsyTurvy]

Thundarr he seems to be high energy now.

His family is dysfunctional. Dad was 21 years older than mum. H had 7 half siblings & 5 full. Home was manic. MIL had affair with his sisters bf...she married & divorced him.  Everyone argued, competing with each other. H sister told me he always lived in fantasy world, if a cat was stuck up a tree & fire brigade called, he would embellish story to make it more exciting.

Our life was low maintenance, yes I hate conflict but he is policeman & thrives on conflict at work, I have seen him in action so I know that to be true.

There doesn't seem to be any conclusive evidence except MLC makes them act differently.