[Kat0465]

WTGB,
I hope he wakes up soon, maybe a good dose of reality is what they need!

[onlyjo]

Kat--I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch...

As my friend put it. He ain't home yet??? Well, guess that tw*t ain't got old yet........ 

the whole thing behind these people we used to know (or MLCers) is that they DON'T HAVE A REALITY.  they don't know who they are, they have no identity, they're "unhappy" with their lives (with us) so they think there's something out there that's better.  maybe so, maybe not...which is where UL's question comes in--are we (the LBS) kidding ourselves?

if only they could "find their reality" without all dragging everyone down with them, breaking up families, and lying, cheating, and stealing...
sigh.
onlyjo

[UnconditionalLove]

Haha and the questions comes back around! 

[MyBrainIsBroken]

So how does a fantasy ever get old??? As my friend put it. He ain't home yet??? Well, guess that tw*t ain't got old yet........ 

So my question is, does it make a difference if they live together, or just sneak around whenever they can......I think it does make a difference. He's going on 2 years with this skank, I made him leave 10 months ago. Still does not want to talk divorce, still pays the bills ( thank God) but still will not talk about relationship or coming home....... It's a sad thing to watch a man go from a good good husband, daddy, hard worker. To this..... Whatever the hell it is.

And while I do blame him for the most part.....I'd still like to beat the OW nasty fat, dumb ass!! (God forgive me)

Kat0465,

I just want to say I love your spirit! God bless you.

[twiceburnt]

Yes, I do think they realize somewhere deep down what they are doing is wrong, but the "high" they get from this new fantasy life is too strong currently.

I can't remember if I posted this already or not, but a few weeks ago when my W admitted to the latest OM, and after I had calmed down a bit, I went out and basically told her off.  I know it probably wasn't the right thing to say, but I could have cared less at that point.

I said, "You know what, you might be destroying me financially, absolutely obliterated me emotionally, but you haven't killed me.  In a few years after I've rebuilt my life, I'll be better than ever and happier than ever.  You'll be lonely and just as miserable as you are now."

For the first time since BD #2 in May, she started to cry.  I saw some shame and sadness in her eyes for once instead of anger, and she replied, "You're probably right, and I'll be happy for you".  Then I just walked away. I haven't said much to her since.  She will come home from work and rant to me about how she hates her job, etc.  I just listen and try to understand.  Then she leaves not long afterwards for the bar and OM.  I wonder if she rants about work to her OM?  I doubt it, she probably rants about me only.

Last weekend, my S was on a trip with his friend.  When he got back on Saturday, he kept trying to call and text his mom.  Then he came crying to me because she turned the phone off on him.  He knows that when it goes straight to voice mail it is off -  it was going to VM on the previous calls.  He asked me why she did that and won't even text him back.  I lied and said I don't know, her phone battery probably died.  Oddly enough, that is the excuse she gave him when she got home eventually.  Her lies worked when he was 6.  Now that he turned 11, they don't work so well anymore. 

[serenity]

I agree with what you said twiceburnt, I think they do 'know' but choose to ignore it as the fantasy life and bright lights are probably more enticing than ordinary everyday life filled with normal problems!

I'm so glad you said what you did to your wife. Hopefully it will lodge in her head somewhere!

So sorry about your dear son though! Good thing he has you, a decent, loving dad who's there for him.

X

[MeNow]

I didn't see anything wrong with what TB said. Good job.

[onlyjo]

just had to come back here and read some of these posts--
posted on my thread about how 3d's celebrated ex MIL's bday last night w/ex mr onlyjo and OW at OW's house. 
makes me insane that ex h drags my girls into situations like that, and ridiculous that ex MIL condones the behavior
then again, as i read the posts on this thread--they're all right on the money!!!
twiceburnt--i and NC w/my ex, so will never get to quote you --your statement was spot on.  and your w knows you're right--she's not ready to accept it/still running

even if ex mr onlyjo and OW end up living happily ever after, i know for a fact it's no kind of "happy" i'd settle for. 

so i had a moment, and now that moment has passed--and i'm done with it, in part thanks to you fine people here on this board!!!!!
onlyjo

[confused_but_trying]

That was a superb truth dart in my opinion TB!  I need to keep that in my memory banks in case I need it.  I hope you don't mind

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5664.0