[in it]

I'm doing ok..I still have those days.Thanks for asking.I'm laughing more..finding joy in small things..using a" go with the flow" kind of attitude. If I encounter a lot of negativity in a person or situation I will avoid it to protect me. Still working on regulating my emotions. Sometimes I'm feeling I take life a bit too seriously.

I simply will not let what happen to me define me. And I simply will not take anybody's $h!te.

I really don't think anyone can go wrong with NC ASAP. You are protecting yourself..not punishing them.It isn't going to be fatal if we are not in contact with them.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

I really don't think anyone can go wrong with NC ASAP. You are protecting yourself..not punishing them.It isn't going to be fatal if we are not in contact with them.

I agree, there's too much room for emotional/verbal abuse with them at the beginning. They probably are using almost all 13 types of abuse at some point. The damage and destruction aren't easy to endure, and BD is devastating enough. They definitely employ the power and control wheel throughout the first stages at minimum.

I consider myself lucky, the only one of my 3 girls not speaking to me is my OD. She "likes" the new girlfriend ( she doesn't judge her for having a boyfriend old enough to be her youngest sister's father, or her drinking/drug use, and her out of control lifestyle choices [ all the destructive ones] ). My younger 2 don't. Going NC early on pissed off my OD, but she is now talking more to my younger 2. She's admitted that he's not a good dad at least, and doesn't see him much, but talks a lot with his GF.

The GF is in her 50's and still running around like she's in her 20's. The ideal MLC partner. She even tried to convince my MD to go to college where they live, and to live with them. You really can't make this *hit up. She actually honed in on my MD the whole time they were visiting with their dad. My MD said it was like talking to another teen: an annoying, fake one at that. What an impression this chick has made.

At any rate, he doesn't seem to like the idea of all communication coming through only to my physical mailbox stance. He told the girls that I'm not talking to him, not true. I'm refusing to communicate with him in a way that he can use to initiate any type of arguments. That's been the purpose of most of his "communication". I'm not allowing myself to be used for his "monstering" so he's now telling the younger ones that I'm not talking to him. Again, NC is having some affect, not to influence his MLC, but too remind him that we are divorced. His choice, he wanted his new life, and I'm giving it to him without my presence in any way shape or form. Limited, time restricted communication will be something that will make him have to think about how he comes at me from now on.

Going NC early has saved me a lot of time, and helped me to be able to do what I needed to do for me and my younger girls early, without interference from him. It really helped in my case, he would've have kept up all this adolescent behavior at mine and my kids expense if I hadn't. I haven't had to deal with any nonsense with him coming and leaving when he pleased ( I wasn't willing to tolerate putting my kids or myself through that ). It was easy since he left. Anyone with a MCLer still living at home, just hold on, don't let it get to you. It's not you, it's them. Dim and Dark is what worked best for me when he had his 1st BD back in 2012 while he was still living at home. He wasn't cheating them, just trying to leave. No, I didn't try to stop him.

I really believe that NC should be a consequence, not a weapon. It was for me and my kids, not to affect him. Period. It still is, now he's trying to use the kids as a connection. They're aren't putting up with it either. So, now he'll have to do some serious thinking about if he wants to maintain a relationship with them. I'm refusing to let him have one with me. I'm moving on no matter what the outcome, and I refuse to be an anchor. He needs to get through this knowing that he's on his own. Period. No more games, and no more looking back to see if I'm still there. It's time to grow up, and I can't do that for him.

The best way to play the game, is not to play. I took my ball and went home.

[in it]

I agree, there's too much room for emotional/verbal abuse with them at the beginning. They probably are using almost all 13 types of abuse at some point. The damage and destruction aren't easy to endure, and BD is devastating enough. They definitely employ the power and control wheel throughout the first stages at minimum.

And I totally agree.

 The only way to win with someone this toxic (MLCer or whoever) is not to play.

[Becoming_simlpy]

Can anyone give me practical advice on going no contact with a live at home mlc?

[in it]

It isn't easy if you are still living with them.Is there a way for you to get out more? Spend time with other family members or friends?

IMHO at the very least you need a break from the day to day living with them.

[Roma]

Hi Becoming_Simply,

I use the NOT TO CONTACT ME Boundary instead. Unfortunately for my H it seems like it's more of an invitation to come to me. Maybe you will have better luck with it.

[Watcher]

Hi Becoming,

I would go to work, go out alone, and visit family. There were many days where I would not come home until after she fell asleep. It's important to remember, no matter what you do, if they want to invade your space, they are going too invade your space. Good Luck.

[in it]

I agree with Watcher.
I tried to move into another bedroom..that didn't work as the behavior would just ramp up.I sent a list by email of boundaries -that didn't work. At one point I was being followed all over the house.
The ex hadn't worked in years and at that point in time I could not find a job.
The stress level was through the roof.