[Velika]

Yes. My husband and his older sister both had MLC when their child was seven years old.

When my husband was seven, his mom accidentally got pregnant by a man she was casually dating. (The parents were divorced.) She had a shotgun wedding to the man who turned out to be a cruel and abusive stepfather and husband. When the baby was born the entire family was plunged into chaos.

My sister in law also had an accidental pregnancy after bomb drop. She "corrected" her mom's mistake by terminating. In my husband's case I don't see an attempt at correction (yet?).

Around bomb drop my husband when he was being especially cruel would speak to me in the regional accent of his childhood. He held his body differently and would use regional slang expressions I had never heard him say before. At one point he told me I was more like his abusive stepfather than anyone he has ever met. I hadn't heard of MLC and projection at the time so of course I was incredulous.

I have a slightly different take on childhood issues however, and that this kind of PTSD is not the trigger for the disorder but a side effect of the (I believe) neurological condition.

If you read about ventromedial prefrontal cortex you find:

Studies with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) also supported the idea that the ventromedial prefrontal cortex is an important component for reactivating past emotional associations and events, therefore essentially mediating pathogenesis of PTSD.

My former SIL as well had many of the physical and behavior symptoms he has, including eye appearance and mania.

I am not sure that MLC is a path to resolving issues. The reason I say this is because most people with a returned MLCer will note that they still seem "uncooked" or even in MLC. I think it is only when someone regains brain chemistry equilibrium that he or she can begin to address these issues.

[OffRoad]

One issue I can see with my H is very clear. H has learning differences, Dyslexia and Dysgraphia the most pronounced. Watching him read is literally painful because I see his eyes hit every...single...word... on the page. It has to be hard on him. His writing is very bad. Both of our children got smacked right between the eyes with the same issues, but both are very intelligent, as is H (fortunately, they missed on on some of the other issues H has).

When H was in High School, he did poorly in Spanish (if you cant read English, you're going to have trouble with a foreign language) and the teacher told him "It's OK, the world needs ditch diggers, too." Yes. She really did that. As if not being able to speak Spanish means you have no other option than to dig ditches. I saw the beginnings of MLC when D20 was 14 and started High School. D, however, is very smart and knows how to get the help she needs, and fight for what she deserves (extra time, for one). I showed her how, by fighting for her for years. She embraces all that she is, knows what her limitations are, and chooses to leverage her accommodations to make the best out of a non ideal situation. I think this is why the MLC didn't blossom until S17 hit high School.

When S17 started High School, he had a very hard time. S wanted to be like everyone else. He didn't want anyone to know he had any issues. But the Executive Function Disorder (inability to prioritize things properly) wreaked havoc on S the first year of high school. I think H started reliving High School Hell at that point. The following year, when D left for college, the realization that the kids were growing up hit him. That he was running out of time to do all the things he never did because he was too busy playing video games. Somehow, that was my fault. Go figure. I forced him to play video games instead of starting a business. Insert violin music here. And he HAD to start a business, because his dad started a business. And because if you work for yourself, no one can say you aren't good enough.

Bottom line, my H is reliving his hideous high school experience through S17, he's lost his identity as his version of what a father is because the kids are grown, he needed to start a business because he doesn't know who he is and needs to be who his father was, and needed to leave to force me to get a job so that I could support the kids in case the business didn't work out. He had already proven that the people who thought he'd never make it were wrong, but somehow that just didn't take hold in his psyche. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.

[OldPilot]

Can anyone give some concrete examples of where it is really clear that is what is going on and how they resolve it, if your spouse is that far along?

RCR has written about Ericksons stages of childhood development.

There is not a lot research tying these two things together however I happen to agree
with RCR that  this theory is a great place to start.
I know with some of the MLC'er that I have seen they display
certain lacks of skills that seem to relate to the ages that they were wounded at.

So my theory is that depending on the wounding age they must redevelop from that age.
In my ex-s case she was trust vs mistrust which is learned at 2-3 years old, so I am assuming she must grow up from that point if she is ever able to trust someone.
So maybe her crisis will be over in another 20 years, we will both be 83 years old by then.

Hope you can keep living your life to make the most of it,
that is what I have decided to do.



Edit - I have merged this topic in with an older one, to get some other older views.

[superdog]

I agree with OP. This is also the stuck stage of narcassist traits. Never developing past the place where we ate meant to be narcassistic.

[Anjae]

Bump. Here is a thread on childhood issues that can be enriched by your contributions.

[xyzcf]

http://www.nextavenue.org/effects-childhood-trauma/?platform=hootsuite

Childhood Trauma Effects Often Persist Into 50s and Beyond
Childhood abuse raises the risk of serious mental and physical problems later

December 8, 2016

[Not Applicable]

Another common trait among trauma survivors is the need for control, Barnes said.

“Control can look one of two different ways: ‘I’m going to control everyone and everything around me, so I can feel safe,’ or ‘I’m going to withdraw from everything and control by not participating,’”

Number 1 is what my husband is doing with OW. Number 2 is what he is doing with me, and to a much lesser extent, what he did with me in the past.

It makes me so angry that he has to suffer for a lifetime from his father's actions. I had such a normal and well-adjusted childhood, that I cannot imagine what it must be like.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

The ACE study and the survey it's based on are interesting. I've seen this before and I've discussed it with my therapist. Until I was 54 I thought I had a normal childhood but, with a score of 4, I join the 9.2% of men who scored a 4 or higher. Based on what I know now about my wife's childhood I believe she would have a score of 5. I wouldn't argue with their conclusions.

Children don’t know how to process a traumatic event or environment, experts say. Those who suffer childhood abuse or trauma often grow to distrust others, having been betrayed by the very adults who were supposed to teach, nurture and protect them, according to the Australian abuse support group Blue Knot Foundation.

I think this statement is interesting. I wouldn't dispute this either.