[AlvinTheMaker]

Ooh, Kathy's are nasty creatures

All in all it might be good to prepare mentally into few extreme demands. Such as
+ Her wanting you to leave the house - don't
+ Her wanting to move another state - oppose legally
+ Her dumping kids fully to you - embrace
+ Her wanting massive alimony - make it into more realistic number
+ Her wanting to keep kids while it's in process - don't, it can take 12+ months and be something that can be used against you.
Etc

Possibly the best advice I got years down the road is that there are no hard rules, but you two make up the rules that work for both of you. 

If she is not reasonable, then leaving it to court will likely result best option. Don't offer any of it on silver platter. Like UM wrote, it's strictly business from this point onwards. Hopefully your legals do most of the work for you.

Keep going and support your family/kids through all this. They may not speak a lot of it, but it's affecting them greatly. And don't be afraid to share your emotions to them....You can do it.

Alvin

[Hopeful5]

Thanks so much everyone - this group has been such an important place of support.

This is a question for those who have been through a divorce with an MLC’er.  How did things change post divorce? Was there a sense of relief after having more personal space, or did the MLC’er continue to try and make your life hell?

[Treasur]

Just to clarify - is your question more about how life was experienced by the LBS or more about how/if divorce changed the MLCers behaviour?

[Dragonfly33]

Thanks so much everyone - this group has been such an important place of support.

This is a question for those who have been through a divorce with an MLC’er.  How did things change post divorce? Was there a sense of relief after having more personal space, or did the MLC’er continue to try and make your life hell?

Me personally, it gave me relief from the ups and down on the rollercoaster ride. After the divorce, I never heard from him for a long, long time. We don't have children so it made things easier. When children and involved, you cannot avoid contact. For me, it gave me time to heal properly without the drama of my ex. He, on the other hand continued his passion for sport and moved on straight away with a young woman. So that kept him very busy and he didn't bother me anymore. It was of course hard in the beginning, as you grieve for that marriage but the longer you detach yourself from the $h!teload of dramas the better it gets. At least that's what I experienced. It's been almost two years since I got divorced, however it felt longer than that.

[Hopeful5]

What's the consensus on posting on this site while in the middle of D proceedings?  Is it generally thought of as not a good idea or is it fairly safe?

[JohnnyBravo]

What's the consensus on posting on this site while in the middle of D proceedings?  Is it generally thought of as not a good idea or is it fairly safe?

I think many here have done it; I certainly did, but mine was a one-day mediation. If there are any very specific details that could identify you, leave those out. Or if your ex is shadowing you around the web, that may be reason for pause as well. Otherwise, fire away.

[Hopeful5]

Just a bit of a rant here as it's been awhile...

The D process is well underway and there's been over $30k spent so far on legal retainer fees between us. My STBXW had very unreasonable demands from the beginning in the D papers with temporary orders that I move out of the house and pay her an ungodlly amount of temp support money.  I did agree to move out of the house as it had become a cesspool of tension, but I only ended up paying her a fraction of what she demanded in temporary support money. 

Our business is in a very critical spot and running on fumes financially due to a combination of shrinking profit margins and my wife's huge overspending habit, which has drained our business operating funds.  We really need to sell the house asap which neither of us will be able to keep, and use some of the funds to pay off some of the business debt so it can continue to operate while the D is in process.  But, In typical fashion - My MLC'er STBXW is living in suspicions and delusions that I'm hiding money and that I'm exaggerating the issues that our business is facing, even though she has ALL of our financial information.  So, even with a lawyer, she's not communicating and being just as stonewalling, avoidant and unreasonable as without a lawyer.  I had really hoped that a lawyer would speak some sense into her.

The only good news so far is that by closing our joint accounts and giving her support money, which limits her spending, I've finally curbed her overspending each month and reduced it by about $5-6k per month.

The sad thing is - If she could communicate like a normal human, we could have went to mediation and finalized a reasonable D within a day and saved tens of thousands of dollars along with a lot of time and stress.

This is all such a circus really.  I cannot wait to get past this transitional time and enter into a new phase in life...

Emotionally, I am doing pretty good. Not living with someone who vehemently hates me and will not acknowledge my existence is a breath of fresh air. I sleep better and my time with the kids is focused and meaningful and doesn't have the negative stench of my STBXW in the background.

Rant over...  Thank you all for your support.