[Dontgiveup]

I was wondering....for those Hs that don't come out of the tunnel, can we simply expect them to continue their life with OW...since this "new" them is the one that stays permanent? Also, if OW1 leaves can we expect OW2 to come along for those who have given up everything without turning back? Also, do MLCers stay with OW longer if they have walked out of wife and young kids? Meaning...the more they have given up and the more damage they have done, the less likely they are to move through the tunnel and the more likely to try and make it work with OW?

I can see that with OW there are no bills to pay, no "responsibilities" at the beginning...but then they recreate what they have given up...so isn't it easier to simply stay with OW than have it not work out and face the guilt, the shame, etc, etc?

Here is one of RCR's articles that may provide some insight

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_contact-and-communication_pursuit-and-distance_mlcer-run-when-alienator-gone.html

[Gutted]

IDK...  I'm trying to be realistic.  Maybe because my situation is so very over and this divorce is fully on track.   Really how does one tell if it's an MLC driven affair vs. a real 'fallen in love' affair?   

Their treatment of LBS?   Well, what if that's how they handle breaking up?  What if that's how they handle dumping a wife/marriage?  So many of us have been married and/or together a very long time so how would we know 'how' they get out of a relationship?  Long-termers surely can't have much to go on in that regard?

My husband was married before, and only now do I see a correlation.  He never spoke to his ex-wife again.   He claims the reason he didn't was because that was her request.  Well, I'd love a film of it because for all I know she blurted it out in anger, etc.  I know he's made no efforts.   She was also extremely depressed and given the hell/pain he's dished to me....  I'm now thinking he made her that way. 

IDK.  I will never get answers.  I never even deserved a convo about our marriage, etc.  Or a valid/real explanation of why he's leaving other than he did everything to hide this affair with this creepy, balding, much older woman from work.  Including decimating me with ugliness.

What if that was how he was all this time?  What if he just mentally checks out/moves on and disposes of people?   Are MLCers really hidden/latent socio/psychopaths/narcissists?   

Anyway, I digress... back on topic...   I have a vanisher.  I've not seen him in 8-9 months, nor has the house/dog.  The only emails I get are related to his urgent need for divorce with very rarely a sentence or 2 of a pleasantry.  But it almost seems like he's just throwing it in the middle of D talk.  I question if OW has helped to further poison his mind towards me.  But I do know she's a 'pants wearer' type.   The type to never allow us to be 'friends' in the future. 

So yes in addition to breaking up our marriages when if in just plain MLC with no alienator - brings on or speeds up divorce..   It also cements that path for them.  Which is why trying to delay divorce might make sense vs. giving them what they want.   
I think in my case, my husband used me to bide time to make up his mind if he could be with ow in a very real and very long-term way.  Once he made that decision, I didn't exist anymore to him.   Further he claims to have done much soul-searching upon moving out and determined he'd be happier not being married to me.  Sorry but I call BS as I think any soul-searching was more of worry what people would think of him with her, and committing to her fully.

I hope they have the life they both deserve.

[OnMyJourney]

I'm not convinced that the OW leaving changes things but I think it may make us feel better.  It certainly makes me feel better.

In my case I don't think OW is the issue.  She has been in H's life for a LONG time and I believe she is either in MLC herself or using him.  Over the last year they seem to spend less and less time together but that has not slowed down h's MLC.  He has never mentioned her and nor have I.  He keeps saying he just wants to be alone.