[LifeGoesOn]

I came across this today and thought I'd store it here rather than on my thread...

These are NLP techniques that I will experiment with.

To quiet your mind and turn off internal dialogue:

from Jamie Smart's newsletter

1) Stick out your tongue & grasp it gently but firmly between your thumb & forefinger. Wait a few moments as you continue to breathe. You may well become quiet inside.

This works on the basis that mind & body are one system. Internal dialogue is accompanied by tiny micro-muscle movements of the tongue & larynx. When these movements are restricted by your thumb & forefinger, the internal voice stops. Now, I know what you're thinking - it's not very practical to go around with your tongue clasped between your fingers, so part two is as follows:

2) If exercise 1 works well for you, gently place the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth just behind your front teeth (continue to breathe easily.) You will stay quiet.

I use this approach when I'm doing one to one work with people. It allows me to quieten down on the inside so that I can put all my attention on them & what they're saying & doing. It also allows me to really watch & listen, because I'm not inside my head having conversations with myself about what I think is going on...except when I do. When I catch myself talking to myself when I should be in 'watch & listen' mode, I merely do the following:

3) With a soft, gentle & patient tone, go inside & say to yourself "Shhhhhhh, shhhhhhh", like you would if you were soothing a little baby. Allow yourself to smile on the inside & really feel a sense of patience with the monkey. It may take up to a minute before you go quiet inside.
The next approach is one of the first NLP interventions I ever learned, and is incredibly simple.

4) Go inside your mind & find the volume control for internal dialogue (usually either a dial or a slider.) If you can't find one, just imagine one - it will work just as well for our purposes. Now turn the volume control up & hear the dialogue get louder. Turn it down & hear it get quieter. Then turn it all the way off. Quiet.
The final approach is one I learned from Richard Bandler. I only tend to use it when I'm trying to pay attention on the outside but some nagging thought keeps drawing my attention inside.

5) In a firm but loving tone of voice, say "Shut the *!&% up!" inside your head. Repeat as necessary.

No one approach works for everybody, but each of these approaches will work for some people. Practice when you are relatively relaxed and have some time, and you will find the ones that work best for you. As you begin to get into the habit of using them systematically & consistently, you will really start to reap the benefits.

[Butterfly]

This is a really good thread. Wanted to bump it up.

The beginning is when you need this the most, but is still good to read again and again as I tend to lapse.

At the beginning, I would think that everything would be okay if I could have a marriage like "they" do. As time has gone on , I have discovered that almost everyone I envied had been divorced, husband had had an affair etc. One person who had the biggest diamond wedding ever ,told me Friday that she and her husband are divorced , but moved back in together recently. No plans to remarry.

That taught me that I can't spend my time imagining that everyone else has a perfect life except me.

I have to believe, without a doubt, in my prayers. Then wait expectantly on God's plan for me to unfold.

[Trustandlove]

Following on from what Sammi said, I have been amazed by what my friends have told me since this MLC mess started -- so many have been through so much, there have been affairs, goodness knows what else. 

Just because it looks perfect from the outside doesn't mean it is.  When you find yourself in this situation it is incredible what people start to open up about. 

[trusting]

I agree with both T&L and Sammi in that I now know so many people who have had or are having marriage troubles when a year or so ago I felt like I was the only one.  It just goes to show you just never know what is happening behind closed doors.  Now it feels to me like I know almost no one whose marriage is truly happy and that makes me sad. 

With regards to thought stopping, I have started reading a book called Battlefied of the Mind that already is helping me with stopping negative thinking.  It is spiritually based and so far has been really good.

[stillhere]

Great advice.  I'll have to try some of these this week.

[Trustandlove]

I should add something to what I wrote earlier.  I also know lots of couples/families who ARE happy, and who all say that they value it, they work at it, they recognise that it isn't all hearts and flowers, they appreciate what they have, etc., etc., etc. 

They also all say that love is an active verb, a choice. 

[StillStanding]

For another example of why thought stopping is essential, here's an excerpt from Getting Things Done by David Allen that talks about creative visualization:

Think of how our bodies respond to the images we hold in our minds. It appears that the nervous system can't tell the difference between a well-imagined thought and reality.
To prove this to yourself, picture yourself walking into a supermarket and going over to the brightly lit fruit-and-vegetable section. Are you there? OK, now go to the citrus bins—oranges, grapefruits, lemons. Now see the big pile of yellow lemons.
There's a cutting board and a knife next to them. Take one of those big yellow lemons and cut it in half. Smell that citrus smell!
It's really juicy, and there's lemon juice trickling onto the board. Now take a half lemon and cut that in half, so you have a quarter lemon wedge in your hands.
OK, now—remember how you did this as a kid?—put that quarter of a lemon in your mouth and bite into it! Scrunch!
If you played along with me, you probably noticed that the saliva content in your mouth increased at least a bit. Your body was actually trying to process citric acid! And it was just in your mind.

[OldPilot]

These articles should be in this thread

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/self-focus/affirmations/