[BrenM]

We are ALL so NOT CRAZY....OK lol.   I do wonder to myself if I am the crazy one.... than I come here...if I am Crazy than I am very privileged to be surrounded by so many mutually crazy people on HS 😂

[Philadelphiagirl]

Hello fellow Clanishers of the Vanishers!!!

I have a vanisher and have been following this thread. I'm not going to get hung up on the definition of whether he is a vanisher or not - in my eyes he is! Since he left in Dec 16 I have only spoken with him a couple of times, now not since October 17. Any communication is now through lawyers. He hasn't seen the kids or spoken to them for just over a year and even before that there was not much contact. We have no idea where he lives, we have just been erased from his life completely. I follow a lot of threads though and sometimes I feel that I cope better because he has vanished. It was horrendous on the couple of occasions when he did visit the kids and I admire the strength of all of the LBS's who have to interact with an uncaring ML'er on a regular basis because of the kids. We are all just in different versions of the same nightmare. Having a vanisher is odd though as sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and I have to remember that the last 20 years did exist. Anyway, following along, love and support to all, PG xxx   

[In the valley]

PG, my mind plays tricks on me too!  Hardly anything else in my life has changed, so I have little glimpses where it just doesn't register she's gone.  It will hit me and I'll panic for a split second.  It's less often now but occasionally happens.  Sometimes its a dream then I wake up and realize oh ya she's gone.
Seems like it's been easier in many ways with her out of the picture.  The LBS that deal with the Mlcer on a regular bases seems to drag out the excruciating pain. 

[Milly]

Philly, we ARE all different versions of the same nightmare. I follow your thread but sometimes I forget that there are so many versions of this atrocious MLC. Your kids have not seen their dad for a year. I worry for my S who has a pathetic dad right now, but it's still a figure that he glimpses at times, more like a shadow really not a whole person but still, something. I do feel for your kids, and you, too. And I totally understand what you mean when you wonder if maybe the last 20 years never existed, or we were in a comma or something, or in a movie, or a parallel universe........

[bluerose]

     I agree with that. Its like your in the Matrix.

[Treasur]

Vanished h, no kids, no marital home, no contact from in laws after 20 years.
If I didn't have photos, I could easily believe that it was all just a dream....

[Rising Phoenix]

H is a vanisher, popped up twice in 18 mths for a short burst, monster. Kids given up and we no longer try so kids and me have vanished. H erased us and his old life and we have reached the point where we erase him and move forward. This is the year I get my sh^*e together. Xx

[CallingHeart]

Hello kindred Clannishers.
 It’s easy to get hung up on semantics of “what type” spouse we’ve had to deal with, but we all here know well the ghost-spouse coward selfish person (aka: Vanisher!!!).  No one should have to defend or justify their experience.  We ALLLLLLLL know !!

Guess I’ve often wondered was it a dream? But I’m about to call MIL to wish her a happy birthday, so I know it was real.  And I have pictures to remind me. And I have my crazy head that can’t seem to go even one day without remembering. 

It breaks my heart those of you whose vanishers left both young and adult children. 
Very heartbreaking for the kids.
Hang in there everyone ... better days will come

[BrenM]

I came across this interesting article this morning that I thought I would share with my fellow LBS’s.  We constantly read on HS to avoid looking at the Mlcer and/or OW’s social media accounts.  Something that I have not done since the very beginning...I am not interested in being apart of their fantasy world  and  I believe that by not succumbing to any temptation this has saved me from further hurt and anxiety. Nah’s Famous saying of “Smoke and Mirrors” was instilled in me...thanks Nah... the majority of any posts by the Mlcer and/or OW (& many other Social Media posters) are purely fake, attention seeking and mask the real identity of the poster. 

https://www.sciencealert.com/study-finds-people-who-facebook-relationship-brag-are-more-likely-to-have-low-self-esteem

[Ausgatorgirl]

Well any updates from those with a vanisher?

I have not heard from my STBX since March 2018 when we finalized the financial split. His parting words to me were “our family is now over, goodbye”. Yep Monster right there. I’ve gone NC, his happiness of being free was too painful.

Adult children, met with him two weeks ago when he was in town to see his lawyer. Divorce in courts mid March. Kids say he doesn’t ask about me nor does he talk about his new life. At all. Finding out today they saw him and didn’t tell me (I’ve been thinking he has not been contacting them) feels uncomfortable like hiding and lying. I asked them to tell me in the future because it’s like keeping secrets. Made my stomach churn. BD August 2017,young OW they live together. Don’t know where nor does his children. 34 yrs married.

Sigh. Start new job tomorrow, was in a great mood....bit deflated now but know the only route is forward.

Any one else had any movement?