[Anon]

It seems that these MLC affairs can last a long time but most do eventually fail even if it's many years.  Is there a massive blow-up or is it more a slow decline in interest?  A gradual awareness that the relationship doesn't 'fit' them anymore especially as MLC progresses?  Or does guilt and disgust at themselves take over at some point?

[Beacon]

I am wondering the same. My w's OP may or may not be in the picture. She states that she ended it but it's hard to tell. It seems like in my W's case it is a slow process. I have heard of some that break it off pretty quick. My W seems like she is over him however he is ready to let go.

[Thunder]

Anon, this probably won't give you any real answer but from what I seen it can be either way.

Some kind of snap out of it and realize their with someone the really don't care about, while others very slowly realize it.

There is just no norm.  I suppose it depends on the MLCer and the dynamics of their relationship.  I sure don't know.

[31andcounting]

My H's OW2 was started and stopped many many times.  He hit rock bottom hard before it completely ended for good 6 years later.
Before he had started it up with OW2 (the very first time) her he says he broke it off with OW#1 because he knew it was wrong......... 

Not sure there is really an answer to your question Anon.

(hugs)
31

[RedStar]

Not sure there is really an answer to your question Anon.

Or maybe there are just many, many answers? ...

It's a great question--not least because it could bring together some fascinating study material in one convenient thread.

I have a theory that some affairs fail because the MLCer starts to grow up but their AD is a permanent teenager. Of course, if the AD is also an MLCer, either one could grow up before the other? I dunno!

Just for the record of course, it's way, way too early at this point for any adulting in xH's La La Land.

[Ready2Transform]

There are several cases here where the MLCer and alienator's lifestyle is a factor, ie they run out of money and the MLCer wants to go back to a more comfortable place, if the LBS allows. I don't think many have a moral epiphany.

[Anjae]

It can one, or several of those things or it can be something else. There isn't one reason fits all.

[Treasur]

I agree that there are no simple answers. As long as a piece of string.
And sometimes of course they don't end.
I guess, put simply, they end when one or the other feels their needs are no longer being met by it, whatever those are. Or maybe the cost outweighs the benefits.  If we believe in MLC, I suppose logically the MLCers needs change perhaps if they resolve the issues at the heart of their own crisis. But of course if thevaffair ends, that doesn't mean they will look to reconnect either.

So, complete crapshoot as Ready would say.
Maybe more usefully, I think as an LBS if we find ourselves focusing on it, it is a messsage about where our head and assumptions or expectations may be perhaps given that we don't control this at all. And work we need to still do in our own healing and moving forward.

[sachat3]

Originally I always thought that Hs OW would be the one to end it, as he shows her so little respect and is still more focused on me. He has been unfaithful to her. So I assumed that she would end it. OW used to (I’m not sure if she still does as I no longer look) but OW used to post lots of quotes about being a strong woman etc. Completely contradicting her actions.

My H and OW have been together almost a year now and they have split up 3 times in that year. From what I can gage from H (I could be wrong) on the three occasions they have ended one was due to his unfaithfulness I’m not sure on the other two. OW has forgiven H in less than a day and they have been back together. But I know H needs a strong woman who will stand up to him. He had that with me ha. So I think that will be how my H and OW will end

[Whyus]

Its a good question Anon as are your others but you are reading way too much into everything. The R normally Ends at some Point, some marry the OP, some dont.
Even if the R Ends, it doesnt mean that the MLCer Returns home.
My WX and OM have split twice in 2 years. XW and I never had real Argument in over 20 years.

I am confident that my XW and OM have no future together, the real Version of XW would not look at this guy twice or take him seriously.
I have a Feeling that since im with somebody else that XW is Kind of stuck with OM. She cant admit that it was a mistake because I am no longer available and she cannot be alone. She doesnt live with OM and hes away most weeks from tueday to Friday but she still has somebody.

XW is making a real go of it with the Boys but it all means nothing to me.
You HAVE to live as though they are never coming back. Over analysing everthing will make you crazy and stuck yourself. By the time you realize that its really over then you will look back at years of wasted time. You only get one life so live it and accept the Situation for what it is.