Great idea for a thread Treasur!
where you are/were as the LBS, the progress you've made and what life is like at 3-4 years?
My BD was May/16 and H moved out a month later. I was just finishing chemo and starting radiation when he left. I was devastated, lost, confused, and in a complete fog for a good 2 years. I self-medicated with vodka and wine and was a bit of a hot mess for a while there. Now, as I enter the 4th year of this nonsense, I have a renewed focus on my S12. I lost it for a while, but thankfully I finally saw the light. I keep busy with travel and lots of good friends to distract me now. I try to count blessings as often as possible and live in the moment, although I still very much miss the old H. I am trying to let the "detachment" process work for me although I know I am still way too invested in H's emotions and actions. That has really improved over the last few months though, most likely b/c H is far less communicative than ever before. Most importantly, I no longer "poke the bear" for sport, and try to not take anything he says or does personally. And I no longer contact him at all for anything, which is huge for me.
any info you have on where the MLCer seems/seemed to be, anything that has/did change in their life or behaviour?
H started off angry and hateful but then the monster stopped. He basically ran away from his old life and began living a new one, while lying to everyone about it all the while. I only found out about OW a full year and 3 months later, and that was b/c she called and told me, even though I asked H point blank a million times about her specifically. He never mentions her even now.
About a year in, we had a T&G which lasted about 2 months. Then he ran back to her and told me he was filing for D and would now be with OW. He never filed and 3 days later basically apologized to me for saying all that.
1.5 year mark began about an 11 month long series of T&Gs. Entire time he professed his love for me. That he wanted to work on us, etc. But could never pull the trigger to actually "talk." On and off again with OW. Always saying he doesn't have a girlfriend.
2.5 year make he withdraws further--deeper into his R with OW and seemingly fully invested. But at the same time tells me, "I have nothing. My life is sh!te. I hope I will die soon."
3 year mark--I believe he has moved in with her officially now, though still hiding. And his mail is still delivered to my house. He no longer sees S12 in the mornings for school. He has withdrawn the most I have ever experienced up until this point. He barely speaks to me, and maybe just a little more with S12. But still, doesn't see S12 hardly at all anymore. He scheduled a lunch with him a week ago, but cancelled and re-scheduled for a full week later. He doesn't speak to any member of his family or pre-BD friends. His whole world now is OW, her family and her friends.