[Keep believing]

Thank you.   
Do you beleive some can come out of the fog and continue with ow because they destroyed there  old life so much but still show signs of anger?  maybe because they didnt help themselves yet. My h said 2 years ago , he made his bed and now has to sleep in it. I wonder if this fog has dissipated some and he is too much of a coward to admit wrong choices he made or just sees no way to fix it. he recently mentioned something to the fact   of how do i fix it?  but is still with ow. now you would think he would know that getting rid of ow would be the first step.  But i know at this point she is the only person in his life.

[Confused dad]

Hey Shocks Sis,

You have talked a lot about the fog.  What about cycling?  Were you all over the place?   My wife has been the worst in the summers.  That is when her affair started.  Since 2016 when bomb drop was for us.  She has had a major push away from me and the marriage.  Ever year it has been the worst through the summer months.  We have reconnected a couple of times through this process.  Once was even significant where she seemed all in or back to normal for a few months. 
I just find it very confusing and bizzare.  I know they say  MLC'rs cycle, and from my experience it is true.  Most of what I have read from you seems that you were consistent about wanting to get away.  Did you have confusion regarding that?  Or were you just convinced you were doing the right thing at the time. 
My wife and I have talked very recently about splitting up.  I can still see that she is confused about this though and is not convinced this is the right course of action. 

[Jackolar12]

Hi SS, with what you have been through can you see MLC in the people you meet or your friends, and what advice would you give them.
Jack

[Shockandawe]

Hi 3boys

The fact he is still angry and that he was a close contacted means to me that he’s not fully in the fog as I too was constantly angry and would bring out monster regularly. I was using the monstering to cause arguments to in turn justify what I was doing.
Once deep in the fog anger turned to total indifference and I didn’t need to justify anything to myself anymore as nothing penetrated my bubble of my fantasy world.

2 years isn’t really that long but he’s got his ticket in hand to board the crazy bus and has probably already got one foot on it.

Ask him no questions and divulge no information concerning you. He gave up rights to that information so keep out of his way as much as possible he isn’t the person you know but board the bus he must. In order to go through he has to take the journey.

Look after yourself and let him go do what he thinks he has to.

Shocks sis

[Shockandawe]

Hi Tyks

So you made a mistake and did something you wish you hadn’t. Stop beating yourself up and understand this, I was convinced also about my feelings having changed, that I changed, that I wanted to change my life etc. The common denominator here is change. It’s a compulsion that I couldn’t fight. The fog lied and I totally believed it.

MLC took everything but it’s seductive and something like addiction. It’s very difficult to understand the fact that the person you know so well hits the self destruct button but at this point they are no longer the person you know. They don’t react how your spouse would. Reading between the lines here I am reminded of how much I wanted a new shiny life because my usual life had caused me to change. This is the fog skewing my thoughts to match my fantasy.

Same drill as always, leave him to it, use this time to become stronger. He probably won’t remember it anyway.

Shocks sis

[Shockandawe]

Hi SS

I didn’t actively keep tabs because my D would tell me things. Once the fog is really at its thickest indifference hit and I didn’t care what he did or didn’t do.

Confusion was very prevalent at first and I didn’t have many options regarding my ex h as he took up very quickly with his now wife.

Shocks sis

[3Boys4Me]

Thanks Shock Sis, very helpful insight. He definitely is not indifferent. Very much still cycling - touch and goes. Every once in a while, rarely, though he did it last week - he tells the boys to look out after me. He also tells them he has given up so much and that he will “pay for walking out on his family every day of his life.”  So still confused I imagine. But cruel and utterly negligent and irresponsible with the boys and finances.

You are helping so many LBS better understand the MLC journey. Very happy that you have recovered and even become a better person. Congratulations. I wouldn’t wish the MLCer or LBS’ pain on anyone.

[megogirl]

use this time to become stronger. He probably won’t remember it anyway.

ShockSis

My X is getting MARRIED one week from tomorrow, and is now having his FANTASY wedding with all the things that he'd wished he'd done the first time around.

Are you suggesting that he may not even recall this wedding?  Like, a drunken blackout of sorts?

Thanx again xxx

[Shockandawe]

Hi Keep Believing

I know that my Father did exactly that. He ended up marrying the ow as he had burned all of his bridges to my mother. He didn’t have one happy day for the entire marriage and divorced her. He asked my mother several times to take him back but she didn’t want to know as she had been hurt so deeply and moved on.
He told me himself one day that the biggest regret he had was leaving my mother and that he loved her and always would and rather than be alone he married ow.

It’s just so sad but it’s the gamble MLCers take, only thing is they are betting against the LBS little realising the LBS ultimately holds all of the cards.

Shocks sis

[Shockandawe]

Hi Confused
In the early days before the fog fully enveloped I cycled and was confused but as it gathered more and more thickly I set off on my fantasy quest and pretty much stayed that way until the fog started to dissipate.

Shocks sis