[Jay78]

Thank you for replying back on one of your thread,

I read that H is married right after you left. Now do you think he really really happy. Would you take the chance to fight for what you love. Would you tell H how you feel or would you rather not say nothing.

My situation was very verbal abusive but also became physical at the end not even sure if she remembers she smells like tequila the first time she slap me or grip me. But she then became abusive to our youngest. I am doing everything for now for her to be away from us. As I stated this monster came over night lots of hatred and anger. I wasn't perfect partner as I did have an emotional affair in 2014. But I realized it was wrong. I thought we overcame this but little to just finding out OW was in the pictures even before my emotional affair. A mutual friend finally told me they been seeing each other way before me doing my thing and me then getting sick. I have left Ex alone but unfortunately there's kids and even kids find her weird. 

Once upon a time there was hope but after her emotional and physically hurting kids not sure if we could ever even be friends but then again I don't know as only God knows what's plan for us.

Was just wondering if you would ever tell ex Sorry as I know sorry could come a long way.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Why Stand

It’s complicated and as an ex MLCer it’s still just as complicated lol.
I knew I had to firstly gain the strength to accept that it was my doings that had caused so much destruction and pain. I began to regret connect with the easiest and least affected as in my friends. I gained confidence from this and began reconciling with my closer family. I knew from the moment I had my awakening I loved my ex h but, because he had moved on there was no chance but in your case it’s different. I would have reconciled with my ex h last because that would be the most difficult relationship to reconcile. Without my fog blanket I was so weak and I had to build up my nerve and strength to muster up the courage.
Give her time and understanding and be the anchor and safe place she so desperately needs.
I’m sure she will come through this as she is making the right moves just don’t apply any pressure as timing is crucial and the one thing I wanted most was to feel safe.
Let her come to you as ultimately it’s got to come from her.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Jackolar

I know I couldn’t concentrate on much during MLC. It was more an existing than anything because I was constantly chasing happiness but was desperately unhappy inside. I am and always was an avid reader but I couldn’t read a book at all and would read the same two pages over and over so I gave this up.
I’m now back to reading voraciously again. I’m happy by myself and enjoy my own company and am not afraid to be alone. I n MLC the prospect of being alone was terrifying which is why I couldn’t break it off with om for some time as I was going to be alone if I did. Eventually I built up the strength to do this and the fear of being alone wasn’t so scary.
This is one of the reasons it takes so long to get rid of ow/om. I was also a very confused and shattered person. I know one of the main drivers of MLC is depression and yes I know I was depressed but I blamed my ex h for my unhappiness instead of facing my issues.

[megogirl]

I would have reconciled with my ex h last because that would be the most difficult relationship to reconcile.

Ha! 

It is a well-known fact that there is a reconciliation "order", and that the spouse comes last.

Just funny to hear it straight from the horse's mouth

[Shockandawe]

Hi Chris

They are ALL controlling and highly manipulative. Think of a big black spider sitting in a web. They work their way in because your MLCer is probably about the most vulnerable they have ever been and these om/ow use all their skills of manipulative actions to draw them in. To become their “best friend “ and confidantes. They slowly but surely draw them in and the MLCer becomes convinced they cannot do without them. I daydreamed about om. He was my life until he wasn’t.
Confusion is a great advantage to om/ow and you can bet your life they will use that confusion to manipulate your spouses into believing they are looking out for them and protecting them from their awful spouses!!!

To try to convince your spouse is pointless it’s like they have been brainwashed and until they begin the awakening no good will come of wasting your time attempting to convince them.

[Ready2Transform]

I am and always was an avid reader but I couldn’t read a book at all and would read the same two pages over and over so I gave this up.

Relate to this so much in my own crisis. Even when I did manage to finally get through a book, I didn't retain anything. Like having a different brain. Thank you for this confirmation.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Jay

I know the time isn’t right yet and I caused him so much pain and anguish and he has children with his new wife.
I won’t cause him anymore pain. I will know when the time is right but it’s not now.

[Stand Tall]

Hi SIS,

  The way you describe the ow/om pisses me off, but how I look at it it is his karma. This is what he deserves. I know he is going through a mlc, but this will teach the child man the importance of making good choices. Not my circus not my monkey.

Stand

[MKnight10]

LBSers to you I apologise for your hurt and devastation and feel humbled by your acceptance of me. We all heal at different paces but we heal eventually and if I can help in that healing I will.

I'm not sure I will ever heal.

I work, eat, sleep, exercise, keep fit, stay engaged with my kids and friends......but as for my wife who I now understand is deep in MLC, I just can't find the off switch. After 25yrs together, an established family, mutual friends and family, going it alone is hard.

I'm having difficulty detaching....finding the off switch for her, Shock sis.....any suggestions please?

[megogirl]

Sis

I've asked this before but missed the answer post (if there was one.)

Did you ever tell the OM that you loved him and vice/versa?  If so, did you believe that was true at the time?

Thanx again for your ears xxx