[Savoir Faire]

I knew it was MLC when he BD'd me.  I told him I'd stand by him as it was going to be  a bumpy ride.  I had NO idea it was going to be this bumpy

If I'd been going to end any relationship, it would be with compassion and many tears I am sure.  How can you be with someone for 30 years and act like what you are telling them is you're going to the shop for milk?  XH calmly and with NO emotion told me:

"We have nothing in common,  I feel empty inside, trapped and bored.  Life means nothing, I'm a total failure".  I only have 10 years to live, "Divorce is good for kids because they get to visit two houses" 

That's not a speech from a man who wants to end a marriage, that's a man who has totally lost himself, telling his wife he had a terrible childhood.  Add to the mix that our son was finishing school, so xH felt old, his work colleague died and he got a promotion he couldn't handle and BAM!!!  MLC here I come!

He also stayed home for 18 months, someone who is that unhappily married would be gone in an instant.  He shook all the time, shark eyes, emotional wreck most days, projecting all his shortcomings onto me.  He started wearing skate shoes, manscaping and going to parties with 20 year old work colleagues.  He clung to the edge of the bed for a year, barely slept and couldn't remember much about our lives together.  XH looked at a picture of our daughter when she was thee and said "That isn't our girl"  When asked who it was he said he didn't know.

He became increasingly aggressive/violent as his need to get away vs the need to stay was tearing him apart.

How do I know it's MLC?  Does anyone have to ask 

[spock]

I think I sort of knew it was MLC when he said he has been unhappy for a long time and me moving in with him was a mistake (that was 7 years ago when we had the conversation). We were always everyone's favourite couple  I went to google and found this forum... I think his dad's death kickstarted his MLC from gear 1 to 5

Pre-BD or leading up to BD
- Started going to the gym regularly and exercising, taking selfies, sending to younger female friends
- Fasting
- Beginning to get back into dancing, something he loved
- Very secretive about his phone, always ON it. Previously, he would barely touch his phone and I always have trouble getting to him
- Anger, hostility, lots of blaming me
- Talking about sex all the time, we should do this/that/swingers/etc, fear of missing out as hookup culture is huge with youngsters he hangs out with
- Younger friends (refer above)
- Lots of partying and going out
- Increase of social media use and chat apps

Then MLCer just wanted to be single again, live a single life and be happy, tired of taking care of me (i'm the sole breadwinner) and i'm boring.

Post BD / i have already moved out
- Started DJing
- Wants to be single and enjoy 'girls', don't want to 'miss out' on all the fun
- Travels a lot, burning his savings
- Shops for new clothes, a lot of them
- Bought a sports car 
- Got his lease cancelled by landlord
- Moved twice
- Alcohol and drug abuse
- Weight loss

Now (4 years post BD)
- Crashed and possibly burning now
- Ran out of money
- Both OW1 and OW2 married now, still in touch with OW1 which was a mutual friend before this circus. Deleted and blocked OW2
- Massive depression/PTSD/not sure what else, one massive manic episode which I had to call his mum to call the hospital (I am no longer a "family" to make that call)
- Gotten all spiritual

All these while he was a clinging boomerang. We were reconnecting for the most of this year until his depression hit him hard recently.

Never saw him cry for the past 10 years except when his dad died. He came over to return some of my stuff recently, and those are not even my stuff. Umbrella, not mine, wtf? Some random stuff, including his old passport, wtf? Scarf, it was his!! He cried that night. Also sent me a photo of a large framed picture of me in his living room, saying he would have the photo on his wall forever (yep he said this) and will never forget me in his life.. before coming over to return (not) my stuff as we should be going our separate ways for good.
 

[MKnight10]

Her Dad died and she turned into someone I didn't recognise.

She did things which, for 25yrs, she hated to see in others.....lying, cheating, dishonesty. The most important things in her life didn't matter to her anymore....me, the family, being together, being united, working through problems and issues. \

There was nothing I could do to fix it....the more I tried, the worse it got. She never looked internally.....everything was my fault.

Plus all of the above.....I saw the vast majority of the what others are saying in my wife.....

Very sad....

[Slow Fade]

Velika I believe the menopause/andropause causes them to flip a hormone driven neurological switch inside their head which contributes to full blown MLC, together with a desire for a simpler life and FOO issues ( poor coping mechanisms).

I would have to agree with this. It may not be that simple, but it describes my H. Younger OW, contact lenses, dieting, new clothes. All cliche, but he also wanted out of what was a difficult season of our lives at that time. It got hard, so he ran. Back to a time when life was simpler and he was a stud. (in his mind anyway). And FOO issues galore. Don't get me started.