[Couragedearheart]

“Why did God let this happen to me? Why would I need this lesson?”

The question H posed about his abuse as a child that has led to his MLC.

I’m curious what answers you settled on for your own selves, as I think all of us LBS’s and MLCers alike eventually encounter their own individual version of this question.

[Couragedearheart]

I’ll tell you my answer which is:

“Everyone has free will, they can do what they want and treat people however they choose to treat them, I believe they will have to answer in the end for their actions and choices. But I also think that God doesn’t make bad things happen to us, but I do believe he uses the bad things that happen to us to help us become what he wants us to be, and learn things we need to know.
That’s my own belief on it and you will have to decide what you believe”

[Standing Strong]

W has asked the same thing...... "Why has God let this happen" and the uglier "How could God let all this happen if he loves me? I'm his child".

To me, God allows this to make us better.... the MLC'er and the LBS. Bad things turned to a good overall outcome..... IF we choose to let it be.
That darn choice problem 

I know right after BD and I was reading everything I could, it seemed so unfair (and it is) and couldn't grasp how this could be good...... how can testing/destroying a M be a good thing? Well..... that was before I began to understand. The real thing is, we're here to learn, to grow and to become. While we seen so important, we're just a blip in the scheme of things. The MOST important thing isn't us (the LBS) the M, or anything like that. The most important thing is that we (the LBS and MLC'er) are saved and serve. This life is not as important as eternity and we can't see ourselves or our MLC'er like God can. He's playing the long game, and we can only see what's in front of our noses.
Learning to trust and let go of things to him is something we all have to learn, come to terms with, and have faith. It's not about us, it's not about our M's.
If we love them, then we want them to make it, no matter what happens to us..... because we do love them.
Likewise as we are shaken and rebuilt, it's for a purpose if we choose to allow it to be, and allow ourselves to be used. From it comes a greater calling, a greater strength and a greater responsibility.  I think as we are reforged in fire, a refined and better version of ourselves emerges..... why? To be used.

-SS

[MyBrainIsBroken]

This is a question I'm really interested in because I continue to try to find somebody to blame and be mad at and God is the only one I've been able to identify. 

Of course it comes back to free will, but free will stems from human nature, and I believe God could have done a better job designing human nature. If you believe the Christian Bible it's the nature of all of us to be sinners. Why didn't he start us out with the scales tilted a little more in favor of being and doing good? It's like the deck is stacked against us from the day we're born.

I used to enjoy thinking that God might be a woman but with human nature being so badly screwed up I'm pretty sure now that God must be a man.

I have read Rabbi Harold Kushner's book When Bad Things Happen to Good People but it didn't really settle the issue for me.

[Airmid]

Well this is a question larger than MLC.

Why does God let innocent children suffer from cancer and die?
Why did God let millions of people die in the holocaust?
Why does God let people die of famine?

Certainly there is no explanation for those who suffer under these circumstances.

Ultimately I think it is a question which is not answerable.

[Standing Strong]

Hey Brain and Air....

Not to get too far off topic, but I'm very religious and I do have an answer for that (from my own perspective).
It's the war.... the great war.... the only war that matters, and the one that most aren't even aware exists. THAT is what's going on.

When you have someone who has tried to corrupt, pervert and destroy us since the beginning..... all the things which people say "why" about starts to make a lot more sense. Is isn't that we were made bad, it's that we were made with so much potential..... and we proved easy to deceive (this remains true to this day).

-SS

[Couragedearheart]

I like C.S. Lewis “The problem of pain”  for this one.

I also like Ravi Zacharius “Jesus among other God’s” although he is a bit complex and sometimes very slow reading.

I guess my question is.....who’s free will would you ask God to remove to prevent your pain. 

For me, I think, my realization that human beings are capable of anything hit me during my custody battle.....if you have ever been in a truly terrible one....you do consider...and dismiss all possibilities. I never believed before that moment I was capable of depraved and horrible acts or thoughts. It was the moment for me that made me realize we are all capable of anything good or bad and we have proved to ourselves over and over and over throughout history and the story of our own lives that we do mean hurtful things and our nature is to be selfish.

The holocaust wasn’t carried out by psychopaths, it was carried out by ordinary people that compromised their beliefs over and over until at long last they found themselves involved in some of the most deprived acts humans can commit. One step at a time, one choice at a time......

So it is with anyone who does terrible things.

So it is with us. IMO this highlights the need for god...not the absence of him.  This is the moment when we see God most clearly....where he takes man’s selfish impulses and uses that pain to grow us, to heal things we didn’t even know were broken within us, to make us more fully the version he had in mind when he formed us.
 

[Finding Joy]

I really echo what you said Courage and also what SS said.  We do have free will and our comfort is not at the top of God’s priority list.  I view life’s troubles as a chance for God to refine us(the refiners fire, draw us to Him, and ultimately make us more like Him).

I cannot say I am to the point I am glad this happened, because there is too much destruction(but ultimately I view sin as the culprit).  That said, I see how God was finally able to get the funk out of certain areas of my life that He had been trying to get me to change for years.  The growth is exponential.

Also, in order to stand, it does take a certain unconditional kind of love(of which we as humans fall short of at times).  I have to draw on God’s forgiveness and God’s love in order to chose love for my “prodigal husband”.  I am reminded daily of what Christ did for me, and how much I fall short.  In turn I am able to have compassion for my MLCer regardless of outcome(for our marriage). 

My hearts prayer is that God uses this time(of what has felt like hell on earth) for His glory.  My deepest desire is that my marriage would reconcile and we could serve others walking down a similar path.

This is indeed a Spiritual Battle for our Spouse’s soul, for our children’s soul and for our own soul.

I love your C.S. Lewis quotes Courage!  Very thought provoking conversation!

[Anjae]

At university one of the most difficult questions we were asked was if Auschwitz proved the existence or the non-existence of God. The question has at least four answers:

- The existence of God. God works in misterious ways.

- The non-existence of God

- Auschwitz is what happens when humanity turns way from God

- God let it happen so that people knew what happens when he turns away from us

There are more possible answers, but these are the main ones.


God is different in the Old and in The Testament. The Old Testament one is angry, vengeful, cruel, punhishing. The New Testment one is kinder, more gentle.

The Holocaust was created by psychopaths (only psychopaths have no remorse), executed by ordinary people that had drunk the cool aid or had no other chance - there is no escaping from being a guard other than death. The prisoners that had to carry things out had no chance.

The other thing with the Holocaust was that Jews, political opponents, gays, etc. were not seen as people, but as vermin. They were not killing people, they were killing vermin.

Ultimately, things are done by humans to humans. Not all humans are good people and good people are easily turned bad as WWII showed - there far more than the Holocaust.


Not everyone comes out of MLC a better person, be it MLCer or LBS. It is a fallacy to think so. It is not uncommon for a MLCer to take their own life or to bepermanently impaired. It is not uncommon for a LBS to have deep, life altering not for the good scars. Some MLCers never come out of MLC, and some who do do not become better people.

If we love them, we let them go. And we worry very much with what happens to us. No one and no marriage is worthy bad things happening to us. <deas like we don't care what happens to us are dangerous. Several female LBS have been physically abused, almost killed. Some LBS may be able to affor whatever happens to them, most are not.

Since not all MLCers nor all LBS believe in God, the spiritual battle, if existing, I think it may be more of a moral/ethic battle, for those who do believe in God does not include God.

Many, if not most MLCers never serve, same for LBS. There is a small faction of people on HS that helps out. Most just come by, post once or twice and that is it - easily checked on HS members list. They do not pay forward. Most people only want o forgot MLC happened, be it LBS or MLCer.

At times I think people go with what a handful of us do on HS and think that is what happens with most. It isn't.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Ultimately I think it is a question which is not answerable.

Doesn't stop some of us from having an opinion. 

Nice answer Finding Joy although I'd rather pass on having the opportunity to become more like God.

BTW, this seems like a good place to mention this. We just returned to school after a short break to learn that we lost a student. An 18 year old male freshman driving back home the day the break began hit a tractor trailer head on and was pronounced dead at the scene.

Two days before that the 15 year old son of a friend of mine lost his battle with cancer. He was their only child. I don't know how you survive something like that.

About two weeks ago I missed an EMS call for an infant. I'm glad I missed it. The baby died. I found out yesterday that the baby's father has been arrested and charged with Criminally Negligent Homicide.

Sometimes it bothers me to see so many people being given the opportunity to become more like God. It makes my 6 year old female part cry. She doesn't understand. Neither do I.