[Milly]

I am shocked to learn this morning that one of the members, much loved by many of us, is banned from our community. Worse still, there is no explanation that I can find.

Could someone please come and explain. It is hard enough for an LBS to go through RL without coming to their safe place and finding that one of their friends has vanished.

[nah]

Thank you for starting this discussion Milly.

What was even more disturbing was the banning of Anjae was being discussed on her thread, so her thread was locked.

What’s going on?

[Milly]

Thank you for your support, Nah. I don't understand why we are not told anything. It doesn't seem right.

[marvin4242]

I have no insight, but looking at her last posts in her thread that is now archived post #6 stuck out to me. In that she directly called out other members fo the post and essentially called them a problem, and commented on other members choices and their right to participate. I am guessing this crossed a line about rules of the forum.

In my opinion that was no longer just stating one opinions, rather a direct attach at members. All in the context of how this should be a “safe place” for people. That was rather ironic.

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11158.msg744884#msg744884

[OldPilot]

I have been away for the weekend and just coming back to this now.

I will let RCR explain her decision and I must say that I fully support her.

Their is more to the story than is known by those that are reading and posting here.

We do have rules and boundaries and when those are continually crossed then actions need to be taken.

I am sorry that it has come to this and I know that RCR feels the same way.

As for further details I think that is really up to RCR.

[Nas]

I have no insight, but looking at her last posts in her thread that is now archived post #6 stuck out to me. In that she directly called out other members fo the post and essentially called them a problem, and commented on other members choices and their right to participate. I am guessing this crossed a line about rules of the forum.

In my opinion that was no longer just stating one opinions, rather a direct attach at members. All in the context of how this should be a “safe place” for people. That was rather ironic.

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11158.msg744884#msg744884

While those may not have been pleasing for everyone to read, they were simply personal opinions. That’s happened countless times by several members over the years.
A lifetime ban of a member who previously spent years helping the forum run makes no sense...unless there were threats of violence or the outing of another member’s personal identity.

We have had a member viciously attack others and not receive a lifetime ban.
We have multiple members with more than one account.
We have a “member” who posts constantly and has been aggressively defensive but refuses to register under her own account (which is confusing and will be a total mess for people reading the archives down the road).

We have seen countless breaking of rules and actions that go against the mission statement.

We have lots of behavior that goes unaddressed and unaccounted for constantly on this forum.
Most of us just deal with it because we recognize we are all adults and sometimes people can be difficult to interact with.

This forum existed for a decade before “moderation rules” had to be instated. Why are people suddenly running to the moderators and RCR every time something is said that upsets or bothers them? Who are we?

What concerns me most is the very noticeable change in the atmosphere of forum over the last year and a half or so (and what has influenced that change in atmosphere), the very obvious change in opinion of Anjae after a long and underhanded (for lack of a better word) and sometimes blatant campaign to repaint her as a villain (so many members, especially newer members viewed her in that light), and the lack of compassion or benefit of the doubt given to her recent more abrasive behavior, given that others have behaved terribly and been given something of a pass because it’s assumed (or possibly known) that they are dealing with personal issues.

I mean, really, a lifetime ban? It seems to me a cooling off period and then a PM exchange (or even a public forum discussion) could have been a possibility. Or any other number of ways to deal with it.

[Not Applicable]

I just wanted to say that this is not the first time that Anjae has been moderated. How do I know this? Because she revealed some personally identifying information about me that I had not shared with her (obviously gotten through the grapevine) in the public forum and RCR put her on moderation for a period of time a few months ago as a result. At the time RCR thanked me for giving her a very specific violation of the rules to moderate, because as she told me, most complaints she gets requesting moderation are vague.

This could explain why such severe actions are being taken this time, if indeed she has actually broken a rule again, because it would be a repeat infraction.

However, I have not seen any posts that go beyond the level of opinion either from her, which she is entitled to have and express and I do not wish that she be banned. Oddly enough, the same day she was banned others were making posts telling people to basically shut up and/or to ignore what some of us were saying. I'm with Nas, this is just some hard to get along people and does not warrant banning either. But I do think there is an issue of fairness. If Anjae is banned, why aren't OTHERS banned for what should be cut and dry behavior?

[Nas]

I just wanted to say that this is not the first time that Anjae has been moderated. How do I know this? Because she revealed some personally identifying information about me that I had not shared with her (obviously gotten through the grapevine) in the public forum and RCR put her on moderation for a period of time a few months ago as a result. At the time RCR thanked me for giving her a very specific violation of the rules to moderate, because as she told me, most complaints she gets requesting moderation are vague.

To be clear, by personally identifying, I am talking about a person's real name, email address, or anything else that could allow them to be tracked down on social media, etc.
Many people reveal where they live - I choose not to, but others don't feel that is something to be kept private.

NYM, I believe you are talking about personal details of your situation that you shared with others on PM and that somehow got back to Anjae and she shared on the forum.
That's different from what I'm talking about, which, again, is information that could allow a person to be identified in the real world.

I know nothing of your personal situation and my understanding is that you choose to share a lot more details with a select group of people via PM (this understanding I have comes from things you've posted).  If Anjae became privy to information about you that you shared via PM, there are two issues, neither of which are really forum violations, imo:
1) you are sharing your info via PM with people who are sharing it with others.  Nothing RCR or anyone else can do about the "grapevine" and that has to do with your method of sharing info and with whom you share it.

2) If someone shares info they got via PM with another member, it's hard to follow the origins of the info and know if it's ever been shared publicly.  Unless we have clear cut knowledge that someone said to Anjae "NYM did x, but don't tell anyone because she told me in confidence and doesn't want it public" and then we have clear cut knowledge that Anjae intentionally stated something publicly that she knew she was told in confidence. 
If someone told me over PM "NYM did x" and then time goes on and I read many different discussions and life goes on, I may not know or remember if I heard it via PM or in a post and I might accidentally use it as an example in a discussion.
So if Anjae was actually moderated for that, that also seems to fall into the borderline category, not clear cut violation of someone's privacy.

The other part - the fact that RCR receives many complaints about vague bending of the rules or because someone gets their feelings hurt...to me, that is troublesome.  Again I ask, why are we running to the moderators every time we see something we don't like?  Why did the forum handle issues among the membership for like 10 years but now suddenly we need to report our hurt feelings and try to have members banned? 

What do you do in the workplace when you have to deal with a difficult person?  What do you do in real life?  There are difficult people everywhere.  There are people with different opinions everywhere.

I've been here for many years now and I've read a lot of the archives.  We've always had extremely heated discussions and members have fought with each other over things and really strong personal opinions have always been stated.  What has changed? 

[Not Applicable]

You know, I know what personally identifying information is and it was personally identifying information that I had made a special effort not to reveal publicly, but it was not spelled out directly by Anjae. She made references to things that a person with reasonably good general knowledge about the world could have deduced personally identifying information about me from it. The posts in question were edited by OP at my request when it occurred. The decision to moderate her was taken by RCR at her own initiative. I did not ask for moderation, just that my information be removed.

I should also say it is information that Anjae had previously publicly guessed about me (at that time, she was totally wrong in her guess) so I do feel it was something she was digging for about me for some time.

It was not information about my situation. That's another matter entirely and it is NOT what I asked to be edited out.

[terrified_in_TN]

Wow, gone for a week and SHTF.

I have had a few runins with Anjae in the past...she isn't the most likable person online by the way she posts (never met her in real life), but to ban her (if this is indeed true)

I'm with NAS.  Something has drastically changed on this forum.  Seems like we have some members that if they don't agree with something said, they run to the mods for retribution.

I haven't been here as long as some, but I just can't help but think if the likes of LP, or Stayed, or any other long term 2x4 wielding old timers were still continually posting today, they would be short lived as well.

-T