[Nas]

Okay. I stand corrected.
I also stand by my opinion that personally identifying information is a name, email address, workplace or professional affiliations, etcetera that would easily lead directly to a person’s real identity.
If information was shared that you didn’t want shared, you are within your rights to ask to have it removed, as we all are.

Removing the information is reasonable.  Post moderation for stating the general region that someone is from (when it's not entirely clear if it's been stated before) seems a bit excessive. Just my personal opinion.
Many members state they are from Canada.  Or Europe.  Or the relatively small state of Tennessee in the US.  I don't consider that personally identifiable information that could help someone locate them.

[Granite]

As is evidenced by my post count I am much more a reader than a contributor.  Why?  Because I stopped finding Hero Spouse to be a “safe haven”.  Much of my feelings stem from the disruptive nature of Anjae’s posts.

I came to this great resource weak and demoralized, struggling to make sense of it all.  I am stronger now and upon reflection realize many of the posters who’s stories and ideas helped me the most are the same ones Anjae took serious issue with. That is OK. What is not acceptable to me is that she often took the stance that these people do not belong here.  I thought it would stop when RCR made it clear one of the people she took issue with was welcome, but nothing changed.

It has been expressed quite recently that the rancor has caused a new member to re-think sharing their story.  That is sad, because if Anjae feels HS should be a safe haven, her own posts are not in line with her own goal.


The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement. Love each other, Love your Spouses and Love yourselves. The Unconditionals apply to everyone.


It has been mentioned that the tone of HS has changed in the last year and a half. If that is in fact the case, wasn’t it about that time frame that HS tag line changed from being a Site for Standers to being one for the support for LBS’rs?  If so then I can understand how the tonal change may have started.

The ability to support “Standing” is less prone to interpretation than “Support”. “Support” to me can mean anything from a fervent doctrine of “Standing” all the way to what Chump Lady champions, which is quite the opposite.  Given the breadth of “support” possibilities and our own personal definitions of support is it really that surprising that more conflicts arise?

[Treasur]

My best call on this fwiw is that it seems rather strange - so there are probably things I don't know - and it seems out of character for RCR and her previous stance on these things - so there are probably things I don't know.

Perhaps it would make sense to wait for RCR to clarify the situation?

As a general stance, I'm not a fan of banning people except for egregious things.
Personally I think it would be nice if people acknowledged or apologised a little more quickly if it is brought to their attention that they misinterpreted something or inadvertently trod heavily on someone's emotional foot. Just like Nas did here.
My best guess is that this doesn't happen more bc people want to be 'right' at the time more than they want to be fair minded, so they restate or justify their first response. Which rarely seems to help much.

I don't see reading back that there was less contention or blunt speaking tbh but I do see a little more acceptance of difference and acknowledgement of it. Smaller group maybe? Different folks playing?

I often wonder if there would be less need for moderation if more of us simply virtually detached and zipped our reply lips on some threads, with some individual posters who may not be our cup of tea (or vice versa) or with some discussions that circle round on themselves? If we sometimes responded here with the rule of 3 a little more just like we learn to do in RL with not so rational spouses....I'd rather let my feet (fingers) speak for me than ban posters. Jmo.

[Not Applicable]

It has been mentioned that the tone of HS has changed in the last year and a half. If that is in fact the case, wasn’t it about that time frame that HS tag line changed from being a Site for Standers to being one for the support for LBS’rs? 

I have noted the change in tagline previously and expressed surprise at it. To me it feels like a bit of a bait and switch. We came to the forum on one premise and then that premise has been discarded. RCR may have her reasons for that change, but I for one would appreciate an explanation for it.

[Treasur]

Just to clarify my understanding, NYM, are you saying that you came here bc it was a standing site, feel that was changed without your agreement (hence the bait and switch phrase which implies to me some feeling of being conned?) so the site no longer fulfils the same purpose for you? Would you prefer it to return to a Standers/reconciled only site and therefore suggest people should leave/not post if they are no longer able or willing to stand? Or the balance of purpose between standing vs MLC?

No judgment either way - you have the right to your opinion -  just wanted to be sure I understood the implication of the point you were making.

And how do you see the connection between this point and the thread issue about Anjae (or others) being banned? I'm a little unclear on that.

[nah]

I have been here since 2014 and have never been a traditional stander.

[Not Applicable]

When you change the entire mission of a support forum overnight without an explanation, that is a little strange. It's RCR's forum, she can do what she wants, but I do feel that when you make a place for a certain group of people and then open it up to those who might be hostile to the mission of the original group without explaining why you do it, then conflicts can arise and no one has any grounds to understand why things are the way they are. It's a lack of transparency.

It has nothing to do with Anjae other than I am replying to something someone said in this thread, as a normal conversation proceeds.

[Nas]

I have been here since 2014 and have never been a traditional stander.

I've been here since 2015, never noticed the original tagline or the change in it.

[Ready2Transform]

I am posting this on Anjae's behalf. I have no idea if it will be deleted or I will be reprimanded, but she should at least be allowed final words to defend herself so there is some balance to this situation. As LBSs, we are robbed of that too often!

"The reason I was banned was because I created a second account, Blue Belle. Many members have second accounts. I informed RCR that I was going to create a second account.

I had been, again, put under moderation, this time for 2-3 months. I told RCR this time it
was too much. There was no real good reason other than opinions like I'm rude (opinion,
since rude for one person is blunt for another), some people do not like my posts, I disrupt the board, and so on.

Yet, like Nas said, there is no shortage of people doing lots of trully terrifying stuff,
on HS and nothing happens. For years HS run without any moderation, aside from a very
extreme case which took months of mods discussions to have the person moderated, Rugged,
who was constantly posting drunk insults to women.

Technically, the reason for my ban is that I broke the sancions, not exactly what I posted.

What I posted was the reason for the 2-3 months moderation that I did not agree with. There
is no way of appeal, a very undemocratic process if you ask me. In a court of law one can
appeal.

Both, the 2-3 months moderation and the life badn are totally unfair, but that is up to
RCR.

The Code Of Conduct is vague in several things, because said things are vague and based on
opinion.

The board tone did change a year, a year and a half ago. For years I, LP, Stayed, even
Ready2 or Nah were not seen as being a problem. Then we started to be.

As for Goner/Moneky, the reason RCR gave me to put me under moderation Goner/Monkey related was that I had revealed the country Goner/Monkey lives at. I never mentioned the country.

-edit - removed for too much personal information  - OldPilot

RCR never showed me the post where I name the country, I never named the country.

Some of you, especially people who have arrived on HS on the last year, year and a half do
not like me. Like someone is not reason to constantly report the person. Some of you constantly reported my posts because they are not what you want to read/hear, you find the tone this or that. Yet, I have never once called names to anyone, threatened to harm anyone, wished MLC or death upon anyone. Some have done those things.

Anyone that wants to keep in touch with me can do so through my e-mail address.

For the record, I was a HS tech mod for many years. I know how to create and account with a different IP or how to post with one. I could had done one of those things and I would had not been baned, but I played fair and told RCR what I was going to do. 

In fact, all it takes to have a different IP is to go to the mall, the library, a café. No sneaky stuff is needed. "

[Nas]

I am posting this on Anjae's behalf. I have no idea if it will be deleted or I will be reprimanded, but she should at least be allowed final words to defend herself so there is some balance to this situation. As LBSs, we are robbed of that too often!

"The reason I was banned was because I created a second account, Blue Belle. Many members have second accounts. I informed RCR that I was going to create a second account.

I had been, again, put under moderation, this time for 2-3 months. I told RCR this time it
was too much. There was no real good reason other than opinions like I'm rude (opinion,
since rude for one person is blunt for another), some people do not like my posts, I disrupt the board, and so on.

Yet, like Nas said, there is no shortage of people doing lots of trully terrifying stuff,
on HS and nothing happens. For years HS run without any moderation, aside from a very
extreme case which took months of mods discussions to have the person moderated, Rugged,
who was constantly posting drunk insults to women.

Technically, the reason for my ban is that I broke the sancions, not exactly what I posted.

What I posted was the reason for the 2-3 months moderation that I did not agree with. There
is no way of appeal, a very undemocratic process if you ask me. In a court of law one can
appeal.

Both, the 2-3 months moderation and the life badn are totally unfair, but that is up to
RCR.

The Code Of Conduct is vague in several things, because said things are vague and based on
opinion.

The board tone did change a year, a year and a half ago. For years I, LP, Stayed, even
Ready2 or Nah were not seen as being a problem. Then we started to be.

As for Goner/Moneky, the reason RCR gave me to put me under moderation Goner/Monkey related was that I had revealed the country Goner/Monkey lives at. I never mentioned the country.

-edit - removed for too much personal information  - OldPilot

RCR never showed me the post where I name the country, I never named the country.

Some of you, especially people who have arrived on HS on the last year, year and a half do
not like me. Like someone is not reason to constantly report the person. Some of you constantly reported my posts because they are not what you want to read/hear, you find the tone this or that. Yet, I have never once called names to anyone, threatened to harm anyone, wished MLC or death upon anyone. Some have done those things.

Anyone that wants to keep in touch with me can do so through my e-mail address.

For the record, I was a HS tech mod for many years. I know how to create and account with a different IP or how to post with one. I could had done one of those things and I would had not been baned, but I played fair and told RCR what I was going to do. 

In fact, all it takes to have a different IP is to go to the mall, the library, a café. No sneaky stuff is needed. "

I truly hope this post remains here.

As LBS, we have all been stonewalled and silenced in a traumatic way by our MLCers (and possibly in-laws and others).
This is supposed to be a place where we are able to speak our truths.