[Rollercoasterider]

We have seen countless breaking of rules and actions that go against the mission statement.

We have lots of behavior that goes unaddressed and unaccounted for constantly on this forum.
Most of us just deal with it because we recognize we are all adults and sometimes people can be difficult to interact with.

I understand that as adults we don’t want to over report and seem like we are whining, but instead handle it ourselves or ignore it…

And frankly, I thank you for that. But at the same time it means that I am unaware when some things do happen that are upsetting to many people. Since I don’t know, I do nothing, since I do nothing I am then criticized for doing nothing. By the time I hear about stuff, there are multiple issues and it can be quite overwhelming—as I often have more back research to do to figure out what is going on. Most of my time is spent responding to the fires and that did not start 18 months ago. Or 2 years or even 3…

Right now, I personally would prefer that people use the reporting system—because I then have a single place to go that keeps a history of reports. But you can PM me or tell another mod or submit to the Ask a Question. The important thing simply is that I am made aware of the specifics—what thread or post with a link and why—why is that thread or post a problem—or person?

I have noted the change in tagline previously and expressed surprise at it.

THANK YOU so much for this. I want and need this kind of feedback. And especially thank you for the link so I could figure out what you were talking about—as I was confused.

I had no intention of changing the tagline—and that original tag is still in the header at the main site, just not the landing home page because that has a unique header. What I did was update some designs and change the header design. With that design, I could not fit the longer line and so I used an alternative—I have always had several head banners available. I was working on creating slightly different headers for the different places—blog, forum and was working back then on another social media place that I am WAY stalled on. I wanted each to have an identifier for its unique place in HS as well as a side of the banner that was the same. So I put the logo in the middle for the blog forum and non-existent social media site.
I can either find one of my other headers or redesign them keeping the idea of an identifier that is unique for the forum and blog and make sure the original tag fits. I LOVE that tag—if you look at the proposed book cover on the main site home, you will see it is the subtitle. Though it is not a huge priority and for the forum, I think I will need to ask Sir Osis to help put it up—he did it for me when I was redesigning.

[OldPilot]

I just want to add that I have been here since RCR started the site, and I have been on DB a year longer.

The biggest change here is that we have many more users and posters than when we started .

At one point we had more volunteers and moderators than we have now.

Of course with more people and less moderators there is only so much resource to go around.

We have failed to have new mentors/moderators volunteer and give back to this site.

PAY IT FORWARD always used to be the way things worked but that has been eroded and lost.

I have not been able to devote as much time and the same is true for RCR who now has a large family to take care of.

I can only hope that the current trend will start to reverse itself.

[gman242]

OP you can put my name in, if it's helps for anything.

[kikki]

Quote from OP:

The biggest change here is that we have many more users and posters than when we started .

At one point we had more volunteers and moderators than we have now.

Of course with more people and less moderators there is only so much resource to go around.

We have failed to have new mentors/moderators volunteer and give back to this site.

PAY IT FORWARD always used to be the way things worked but that has been eroded and lost.

An indicator of the change in 'atmosphere' at HS perhaps?

I no longer post very often, but still read from time to time.  This site and the support we all received and in turn, gave back to others, absolutely saved my sanity during the most difficult time in my life.  A lifetime ban for Anjae is a huge disappointment.  She has given so much of her own time to this site and the posters.

I'm so very confused by all of this as I am not here very often, but Goner, didn't your name used to be 'goner in *****'? (your country presumably?)

[Milly]

Maybe it's just me but I still don't get it:

RCR
"Anjae has been banned after I notified her that she was being sanctioned at a higher level for Code of Conduct violations—she was already under sanction."

What was she being sanctioned for? May we know? Maybe I'm not fully understanding it, but what I get from it is that she was sanctioned a second time for something, so she opened a new account, and even told you. Apparently, others have done this, too. Why the second sanction to Anjae in the first place? And why the life time ban for something she wasn't hiding?

I'm sorry, this just feels very unfair to me. RCR, I know this is your site, but you brought us all into it and now we are very attached to it and the people in it. I do not believe that Anjae was the worst of posters, or a bad person in any way. Why her? Why someone who's given sooo much? I'm sorry, this feels so wrong to me. I'm not one to usually want to be a part of controversies, but this just doesn't convince me, I'm sorry.

[Rollercoasterider]

Milly,

I'm not trying to convince anyone, I am simply explaining my reasons.
Anjae has been under sanctions a few times. She continues to disregard the Code of Conduct and has not changed her behavior, not once or twice but continuously.
No, she is not the worst poster, but she is a continual offender.  The initial reasons she was under sanction got her into this since she would not have been put on moderated post status otherwise--that means her posts must be approved by a moderator before being posted publicly. Her telling me that she was going to get around the rules (by starting another account) does not mean I should ignore the action or take it lightly. This is happening after repeated behaviors.
She has given much to this site and was counted on as a moderator for several years; that does not give her a free pass to flout the rules.

I did not want it to come to this and I hated having to do it. But I feel it was necessary.
Others have not opened second accounts to get around rules. Second accounts are not against the rules.

[Velika]

I found some of Anjae's commentary very truthful and insightful. But I also found her triggering as someone who had experienced severe emotional abuse. I'm not just writing this about comments to me, but to others as well. Routinely engaging others in unwanted debate or forcing them to defend opinions over and over (even when they directly ask her not to) should be unacceptable on a forum where many of the participants have CPTSD and PTSD and are recovering from serious psychological abuse.

There was a poster a while back who was very informed about frontotemporal lobe disorders. She had a lot to contribute, I think, and her posts were extremely helpful to me and I think others as well. I was really shocked the way she was so consistently shut down by Anjae and some others. One of her main concerns was that many LBS become suicidal. She wanted to help inform people that, looked at from a medical standpoint, this had nothing to do with them, their value, or their marriage — information that could help them more quickly detach and also advocate for themselves and protect themselves financially, emotionally, and legally. I found it very upsetting that someone who was well researched and had a lot to say, who herself had endured so much, was treated so poorly by people whose life experience should have shown them the value of kindness above all else.

People should not arrive at a forum seeking refuge and understanding and be subject to to any type of mistreatment, harassment, or be forced to consistently argue with one poster. I know that there are people who I don't agree with, but I don't follow them around the forum arguing with their every post. I don't think any of us needs this.

My personal feeling is that it is responsible of RCR to treat this forum as a support and even triage for LBS, not for standers. We don't know what MLC is, if our spouses all have the same thing, or what the prognosis is. I deeply disagree with any poster — especially a longterm one — who either insists this is depression (which we cannot know it is), or insists that most MLCers recover. This can only be something determined on a case by case basis and with the right FULL information, even if it might contradict a theory of what MLC is or could be.

If this is truly a forum to protect LBS, then it needs to help them find support in real life, too. Shutting down people repeatedly who ask about possible connections to mental illness or other possible diagnoses, to me, is deeply irresponsible when people's homes, children, and even lives may be at stake.

I don't know the details and, again, I really appreciated some aspects of Anjae's personality and posts. I do think, though, that there needs to be a commitment to adhere to a certain code of conduct so as not to further traumatize or harm very fragile or recovering people.

[xyzcf]

Velika,

Anjae was not banned for disagreeing that MLC is not the same as FTD.

This makes me sick. Who are we to judge another poster? To throw mud at her when she cannot even defend herself.

Who will be next. You? Me?

It is fine to express your feelings about Anjae's ban from HS..it is NOT fine to criticize someone's beliefs that do not agree with yours. Beliefs which I and many others shared with Anjae on this topic and which was debated over and over again.

[CallingHeart]

I agree with you, Velika.

[Nas]

I’m so confused. Lifetime bans. People complaining left and right to moderators over hurt feelings. Members I adore and respect speaking harshly about someone who can no longer respond or defend herself.
I read Ursa’s full moon report but I don’t remember it saying the whole damn world was going to turn loopy. What’s going on here?