[MyBrainIsBroken]

Being a single mom at any age, with or without an MLCer, is hard. My daughter has 3 children and was a single mom for several years after her husband chose to leave this world. It's a very difficult path to walk but your children are lucky to have you.

[New Day Rising]

From personal experience, having 2 kids who are now 10 and 3 (son was 6 when he left and my daughter wasn't born) to a person who was/is suffering from some kind of mental breakdown, the effect on my son has been huge. He has suffered mentally from the fallout. My daughter doesn't know any different and never will and is a truly happy little girl. I wish I could say the same for my son.

I really worry about him.

I realise I can't make my ex get help, but I really wish he would. I worry that my son will head in the same direction as my ex and I'd love to have an understanding of what I'm dealing with to help my son.

I'm not so bothered anymore about getting help for my ex to help him. I suppose I would have more empathy if I had something concrete to understand his antics, but the damage is done and I'm not getting involved anymore. Well, I can't since he married OW. If he came to me directly and asked for help, I'm sure I might try and help in some way.

I have this nagging memory that replays over in my head of my ex crying while we're on our last trip together before he walked out. My son had given up on trying to ice skate. He walked off in a huff saying he was rubbish. It was the first time he's ever skated. I was just impressed he stayed on his feet and managed to let go of the sides for a few minutes.

Anyway, my ex started crying as I encouraged our son back on to the ice. When I got back to my ex, I asked him why he was crying and he said 'he's going to end up like me. I hope he turns out like you'.

The point being, he can protest as much as he wants that he's fine, but he knows deep down there's something deeply troubled about him.

We both have similar FOO issues. I can't imagine that's why we stayed together, but I know I enabled his own behaviour and it's something I'm working on myself, so I don't end up trying to 'save' another man. In my defence, I was very young when we met and hadn't had any long term relationships before him, so I do cut myself a little slack.

[Thunder]

I'm so sorry New Day.

It's awful when you want to help them but they marry someone else, which gives you no legal options to help them.

Maybe down the road the new W will see he needs help, or he may one day come to you.

Until then just take care of you and your kids, and give your son any extra help he needs.

{{Big Hug}}

[Velika]

I agree with what Kikki has written.

It is fine to describe challenges or at times impossibility of convincing someone with a mental health issue to seek help. I can personally relate.

However, I think this stops short at telling someone not to seek help. I think that this is unethical.

Approaching a doctor, therapist, or lawyer with the right language and information can help. In addition, knowing symptoms of mental illness may help you enlist the support of family and friends, especially early on when your spouse’s behavior is more extreme or if they have more moments of clarity.

As far as age range, yes of course, this is a nightmarish situation at any age and people have children well into their 60s even.

However, I think we can all appreciate how vulnerable small children are, and how they especially need and deserve protection. Any mother or father with concerns about their former partner’s mental health should be taken seriously.

Most people do not think of affairs as being driven by mental illness, but in fact affairs are very typical in manic episodes. Again, familiarizing yourself with the correct language to describe what you are seeing may help you find support.

Yes, we all have our own personal stories and our own threads. But if should be uncontroversial to advise people to seek medical advice, especially if they have a reason to believe their spouse could be suffering from an illness or event.