[MyBrainIsBroken]

This forum is not a standalone forum. It's part of a larger website, built by RCR, titled The Hero's Spouse. The website contains a large collection of well-researched, well-written articles that use Jungian theory as a foundation to explain what is commonly referred to as MidLife Crisis. The articles provide a lot of information that helps the reader understand that MLC is a crisis, an abnormal and catastrophic event, and they describe how to interact with an MLCer.

I was attracted to this website by the articles because I was completely baffled by my wife's behavior, including what seemed to be a complete personality change. The articles on this website were the first explanation I found that made sense for the changes I observed in my wife.

After reading every article and blog post on the site, I joined the forum. If my wife had Alzheimers and I had gone to an Alzheimers website and joined that forum I would have expected additional information about Alzheimers and support from the other forum members to help me learn how to cope with a spouse with Alzheimers. When I joined the forum here I expected to learn more about MLC and to receive support while I learned how to cope with a spouse who was gong through an MLC.

My answer to the question regarding whether RCR is wrong is that it doesn't matter. She created a website based on her beliefs. People like me are attracted to this website and forum because we want to learn more about her beliefs and how to apply them to our situation. If we felt RCR was wrong we would simply go elsewhere. If you think RCR is wrong perhaps you should go elsewhere.

It wouldn't be helpful if someone were to go to an Alzheimer's forum and post negative comments about Alzheimer's and Alzheimer's patients. In fact, it would be hurtful. So why do some forum members believe it is ok to come here and post negative comments about MLC and MLCers, comments that quite often oppose the information found in the articles on this site?

If you were to go to a Chevrolet enthusiast's forum and post derogatory comments about Chevys you would be rightfully considered a troll. I feel the same way about forum members who come here and post negative comments about MLC and MLCers. I have chosen to block those members who do that because I don't find their comments helpful. In fact, at times they're at best insensitive and at worst cruel and hurtful. On some discussion threads I only see about 1 post out of every 6 because the rest of them are all blocked. Why are so many comments being posted that disagree with the articles on this website? I've even observed a member being ridiculed for believing those articles. If you don't agree with those articles, what are you doing here? Do you enjoy being a troll?

Often forum members state that they shouldn't have to leave the forum just because they've chosen not to stand. I agree. Not everyone whose spouse is diagnosed with Alzheimers chooses to stay with their spouse. Not everyone whose spouse is diagnosed with cancer will choose to stay with their spouse. RCR doesn't claim that everyone with an MLC spouse should stand forever. But choosing not to stay with a spouse with Alzheimer's doesn't make it ok for you to go to an Alzheimer's forum and challenge or ridicule Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's patients, and those who choose to stay with their spouse who has Alzheimer's. The same applies here.

If you think RCR is wrong about MLC, fine, but some of us agree with RCR and would like to be able to use this forum to learn how to apply the principles RCR has published on this website. We don't need anyone telling us that we're wrong for wanting to do so. You may think that you're trying to protect us. I think you're a troll and I wish you'd go somewhere else.

Here are some of those principles for anyone who may have missed them.

Grace
Agape
Forgiveness
Hope
Belief
Faith
Trust
Acceptance
Gratitude
Joy
MLC Takes Time

If you think RCR is wrong, start your own website and forum and post your beliefs there. I promise not to follow you to your site and tell you that you're wrong. Your site, your beliefs, and you're welcome to them.

Is RCR Wrong? I don't think so!

[Flabbergasted]

Hear, hear!

[Standing Strong]

I think RCR is great,

Awesome stuff,

-SS

[Slow Fade]

Totally agree! Well said.

[marvin4242]

MBIB: one question if I may.

Do you see a difference between some of the posts that react to any MLCer content and those who try to help LBSes (specially newbies) to take their focus off the MLCer and to focus on themselves? Because I am afraid that some posts from various members here who are trying to help and advise newbies, specially ones who don't balance the principles you listed with the primary starting point of "self care" can get themselves into emotional and financial (and sometimes physical) trouble.

My personal take has been that sometimes newbies in the early stages focus way to much on the "hope" portion and miss the foundation of detachment, self care, self protection and actually living like their MLCers is not coming back.

So maybe some of the reaction here is a pushback to ones that are too focus on understanding, analyzing, reporting on MLCers and it causes a bit too much energy is response? Because imho in order to detach and GAL you have to take your focus of your (or any) MLCers. And partly because it is not easy, specially for laymen, to understand complex psychological states as a simple predictive set of behaviours.

[megogirl]

Word, Brain

Just curious...am I the poster you referred to as being ridiculed for drinking RCR’s Kool-Aid?  Or am I just another one?

IMO RCR is definitely not wrong.  Not only that - she is a true inspiration.  She gave me hope when I had none.  She uses her writing talents for the greater good, and she is to be lauded.

I say this at the risk of getting vitriolic retorts from others., I.e. “You’re just picking and choosing words to fit your narrative!”  That’s fine.  I don’t really care. 

[xyzcf]

Thanks MBIB for expressing your thoughts so well.

I agree with you.

[megogirl]

Xyzdf

To whom was your post directed?

[xyzcf]

Mego to MBIB.

[megogirl]

That’s what I thought.

I’m just constantly being criticized for quoting RCR etc., so I’ve learned to ignore it.