[MomOfSteel]

When you are in middle of hurricane, survival is the only reasonable thing to think about. But after the storm, life goes on and good things start to happen as well. It is a slow road, but eventually it will happen.

Thank you for these words.  I’m following along and it really does give me hope to see others coming out of this mess with good times and positive new relationships.  So often it’s hard to feel like my life will be what I wish eventually (with or without my turkey turd of a MLCer).

I hope you can soak in those summer visits and fun and the work situation ends up positively. 

[FaithWalker]

Catching up Alvin.  I'm glad you had a good Summer with your kids!

[5hilmerton]

Hey Alvin,
I have been a bit MIA, always great to read your updates.

Happy Holidays,
5hil

[AlvinTheMaker]

Hi all,

This is about dream from last night....I usually (almost never) don't have negative dreams, which is why I think last night raised such confusion and strong emotions.

It was about time of divorce,  when I had to defend my right to see my kids as often and as much as I do. It did not come easy. I did not have to stand and fight just against XW, but also the system that favors mothers as primary parents. Seeing a dream where all those "papa bear fights for his cubs", thoughts and emotions came back.... It was raw and savage. Bear fights always are.

Maybe at that point I did not fully get how fiercely I fought.I numbed some parts of me just to be as ruthless and fierce as I was. I now do get it....  And I can give myself the grace and compassion for all of it. I was doing my best. And above all I was doing it for right reasons (love for my cubs).

Funny, how events like this come back years later in a dream.  But clearly it was some unfinished business within me, and hopefully it can now rest in peace.

Alvin

[xyzcf]

And I can give myself the grace and compassion for all of it. I was doing my best. And above all I was doing it for right reasons (love for my cubs).

What we went through which made little sense to us was terribly painful and confusing....it came to this???

You did indeed do your best and more. No thing else you could have done. The LBSer is the one that gets to look out for thier cubs...the MLCer looks out only for themselves.

I had a "nightmare" a couple of nights ago as well that woke me up. 13 years later about what he had done. It annoyed me to have my sleep interrupted yet I am not in control of my unconscious mind.

Yes, peace is what we long for...and we do get there.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Journaling.... Today was a reminder that D is hard for kids even years after. S5 is fastly entering pre-teens, and he is starting to format questions with deeper meanings. Trying to understand what happened to happy family he once had and why he cannot have it any more. I don't know if I have the best of answers,  but I know looking too tightly at past is not a working solution either. All I can do is guide him on moving with life, show practical love, be there, and hope it is enough to carry over any troubled waters safely.

Shared parenting with MLCr.... It's so strange as there is no "shared" part.

Alvin

[MadLuv]

As a child of divorce myself it is always with you. I think for those of us that had parent that divorced it is a cycle we would have done anything to break. I’m sure whatever questions he has you will come up with just the right answer.

[AlvinTheMaker]

With kids.... G17 moved to a flat of her own.  Just like that...    I knew it was coming, but not the precise timeline....   Well, at least it made me and XW exchange some messages of how the communication for co-parenting should work, and what she is expected to message me (instead of hearing it from kids).   The funny part of it all....  she was honestly thinking that kids would/should act as messengers and tell me everything in their life.   I just said that it does not work like that, and that all of it was in the co-parenting agreement she signed.  No apology, just acknowledgement that she tries to change her behaviour in future. Time will tell how that goes. 

Another year has gone by, and here I am watching the same bat$h!tecrazy chain of events happening once again.  Sigh....

G12 (turning16 next month) is planning on moving to student dorm next fall.  Again, zero messaging about from XW - thing just came up during regular phone talk with G12,  she has got troubles in getting required id services locally.  I knew the move was coming within couple of years, but IMHO she's not ready for it yet.  She lacks so many of the basic skills to live on her own,but maybe this will also serve as push to grow up. I can only hope and pray that the dorm supervisor/assistant is actively looking after new students.

Anyway, I've spent most of the day going through the emotional rollercoaster. Reflecting what thoughts this is bringing up in me.... Lack of communation, lack of sharing on important decisions, making important decisions affecting kids without discussion... It's making me feel as outsider with what is happening with my kids lives.  It's not a good feeling.... I cannot even fathom why any sane parent would choose to co-parent the way XW does.   

To add some more salt, XW is taking kids to mini-holiday just week before me and mrs.H are supposed to get married.  I cannot understant the timing as I was planning of having kids with us, getting ready for the wedding.

But I'll stick with the show. Support my kids, be there for them, and see where it takes us.

Alvin.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Life sure isn't dull.... I received a warning at work for low performance. The boss also offered a voluntary resignation package as alternative for warning, and said the team would likely need to go sooner than later.....and none if it moved me towards despair. Because I know the warning is not because I or anyone in team would have done job poorly. Instead I feel proud of where things are.... And I'm not afraid of taking the gamble or facing change.

If thinking what the old version me would have done in this sitch... I likely would have had anxiety attack.

 Now I just see it as cycle if life, one door closes, another opens.... Oh, MLC is a gift that keeps giving.

Alvin

[Reinventing]

AM, best to you as you navigate this and find a new position.