Journaling
I can't believe how fast time is flying by..... I haven't been able to figure out when the last time I posted here is either (maybe I should check the time stamps)
W....... Hmmmmm....... W.......
W is flying ahead. Her personality is drastically changing. She is "split" now.... which is very interesting to see. It's the complete opposite of what happened after BD: Part of the time, she is angry, frustrated, and seemingly wants to lash out at everything. This has increased recently.... before she was "cooking" and mostly passive with a whole lot of attempts to (sorta) reconnect. This newly more aggressive part has appeared several times in the last month. I'm not sure if I would call it monster because it's not directed at me.... anyway, it's a reappearance of something angry, dark and depressed.
Then there is the other part..... this part is happy, kind, fun, caring and has genuine empathy.
This part is showing up more and more. Just tonight, I was playing pinball, and she wanders over "I'll play a game" and then she plays three games....... unafraid to poke fun at herself as she drains, and commenting at how addictive the game is.
She plays with the animals, and when she notices a little creature is in need of love, she scoops it up, pets it and hugs it. Very wonderful to see.
It' funny how as they progress, and you see them making moves in the right direction.... how starved you are of the person you loved, and how sensitive you are to the pieces that pop up, and you're like "it's her!!!"...... and it is..... but it's a little of her, not the full-on version. HA!!!
Anyway...... this piece which keeps making appearances, it's the most complete "Version" of the person I once knew..... but it's a person from way, way, way in the past...... and also different. Different in a peaceful way which hasn't ever really existed before..... it "Feels" very different (and I know this person very well, of course), it's totally devoid of conflict. This part, I like. This part I like a lot...... but it's odd too. I was concerned about how I would feel about this person when all is said and done (you know, at the end)..... if this part is the "real" her that is emerging...... it isn't the person which has been around that last, forever. This person is way better than the woman I remember. At this point (I'm sad to say), I can no longer remember my wife being fun. It's been too long..... oh I have knowledge that it was there at some point in the very distant past, but I can't put my finger on when, or how...... isn't that the darnedest thing?
Well, here's hoping that this is what's happening.... time will tell, but I know this MLC experience is coming to an end. I can feel it, I know it. It's drawing closer and closer. A very curious thought is: how will this change me? It will. There's no escaping that. I guess I'll see.
On to me!!!
Working out again..... the knees and back are either healed or close to healed...... good enough. Time to chase the mythical 6-pack and hunt down the beast. Into the bucket it will go, and I drag it back to my cave and tame it.
HA!!!
In a month it's time for another vacation, this time to Vegas. Once again alone, and then W goes to South America again. I get the feeling she doesn't really care about going other than it's a break to rest from work. There's no pressing anticipation like before, and even her condo closing and signing papers on this trip seem to hold zero excitement for her. She's asking about my trips for next year, and I think the odds are good that for the 1st time in five years - I'll not be traveling solo. I could be wrong. Either way, they'll be great - so it doesn't matter. All I know is, I'm super pumped about haunted houses at Universal in 2024!!!
On to the little hound!!
The terror of the neighborhood is ultra happy and spoiled. He just got a stuffed turkey (stuffed animal dog toy) and he loves it. W has been playing with him every night and loading him up with affection, play and love. I've never seen him so pleased as he is now. He has the good life, and it makes me very happy to see the joy this little creature has. There's nothing like the love a little dog so generously gives to their family.
On to the holidays!!
W is still deathly afraid of seeing my family. She's running away to her sister's for Thanksgiving, and then gone for Christmas and New Years.
I'll be visiting both sides of the family for both (as I have all along), so no skin off my nose. Just a "normal" (for MLC) holiday.
Oh, that reminds me..... time for Hallmark ornaments!!! I can't believe there hasn't been a tree since MLC began. Someday.... and it will be a joyful day when it comes.
That's my life, and I'm sticking to it.
One day at a time,
-SS
Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 15: "Who's the Master? Sho'Nuff!!!"
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