[MadLuv]

Oh my SS desperate aging single female alert!!!!   My old big brother from my sorority wants to date me. Calls me all the time. He called as I was leaving a NFL game. I was driving and he was on car speaker . When I got off my nieces friends said” Thats so cool you have suitors! “Hahahah I mean I am 62, but suitors?

[Standing Strong]

ML!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hey, isn't it nice to be wanted? 
It's a wonderful feeling...... if I remember correctly. HA!!! 

I hope you enjoy it.

-SS

[MadLuv]

Yea, I an definitely single by choice.  My family has way to much happening and my XH has done so much damage. I know I need to be a full healed human to not bring that baggage into a new relationship. Then I will entertain these suitors! Haha

[Standing Strong]

Journaling:

Been a little while (as always  )......

W continues to travel back to where she used to be - with an occasional minor tantum....... but there is new movement!!

Last night I took her to see a comedy act (David Spade) that was coming town. I had gotten tickets a couple months ago. Not a big deal, we weren't dying to see him, but we had seen him 12-14 years earlier.
Anyway the show was decent..... I'd say it was 20% really funny and 80% not funny....... right about what was expected.
At one point during the show she looked at me - and you know how when you look at someone you know when they're totally off their rocker..... she looked at me, and I swear she was totally insane at that moment. It was like out of a horror movie: that look when the crazy person smiles right before they knife you.
Fortunately, that was only for a fleeting moment and then she was normal again..... but it was a truly weird feeling.... like someone looking straight thru you (and weird smiling at the same time). I haven't had one of those experiences in a long time where you look at someone and wonder "who is that?" behind the eyes. 

Something else which turned out to be super progress was...... she asked to come on a trip (for the 1st time since before MLC - eight years, maybe nine). Wow.
I was explaining about taking Mom and Dad on a trip each year..... you know..... before they are too old or too dead.
She thought that was a good idea and that she's doing that with her mom.
I told her where I'm taking Mom and Dad next year (The Ark Encounter), and she says "I want to go there"..... and gets real quiet. I keep talking...... she says she has her big trip to South Africa in Oct (Woman's trip), and asks if I'd ever do something like that (big out of country trip with strangers) I say "no..... except for visiting something like Israel"...... she says "I'd like to go there too.......... and I want to go with you to the Ark Encounter, if you want me to go". Wow...... so not only finally asking to go on a trip with me - even going the extra difficulty of having to face my family. Impressive. I said sure she can go if she wants to...... and of course she can wiggle her way out before it's time to book flights, but as it stands - she's coming on her 1st trip with me  (out of state) since MLC. How about that? 1st it was a big thing waiting for a Christmas, that came and went..... now it's time for the next big thing: a trip.

She's been binge watching a horrible TV show called "The is Us"..... yuck. I've only caught a little but of it, but it seems to revolve around marriages which fail for stupid reasons (I'm sure there's more to it, but that's what I caught). Not a fan.

On to the little dog - happy as can be (as always). The temps are hot, so we have to walk early in the morning and when the sun goes down. He is not happy about that.

On to me!!! Work is going great - working out is going meh, and I'm going to be burned out by vacation time. Really looking forward to that. My birthday is coming soon, and I'll be 48  YIKES!!!! Were does the time go??? Oh right...... the MLC journey started in earnest right after turning 40, that's where it went!!!  I've been busy ever since. 
Well, two years left to the 40's...... better make them count. More amusement parks!!!! 

That's my life and I'm sticking to it,

One day at a time

-SS

[Baxter1]

I always love seeing your updates… Have fun at the amusement parks!

[Biscuit]

Hi SS,

Great update my friend. It will be interesting to see if your wife does come on a trip with you, I wonder if she will? And how will it pan out with you, her and your family?
All seems like progress, super slow progress, but progress all the same!

Happy birthday for when that comes around!

B x

[Standing Strong]

Journaling:

Very interesting......

So last night, the doorbell rings at 9:30pm...... Sheesh, those door to door salesmen are out of control, always knocking wanting to sell windows, security systems, pest spraying..... ridiculous. W gets bent out of shape, and I head downstairs to see who it is.
I open the door and it's our neighbor - he says there's a body at the side of the house. 

What?!?! I throw on more clothes and some shoes and head outside. The neighbor says he wants a witness and doesn't know what to do..... but that this person is awake.
Sure enough, right next to the corner of the house I see a leg sticking out.  I come around the corner......
It's an old man, has to be in his mid 80's. He's awake, and I ask him how he is, why is he here, all the normal questions....... I can see his arm is broken, and his face has blood all over it. He answers some questions (what happened?), and is silent for others (why are you here?).
He wants us to help him up, and he wants to leave. We see that his car is parked completely on the sidewalk. My neighbor wants to help him up - I tell him no, we don't know what the situation is or what moving will do to this person.

The old man pleads to get up, and we talk to him. His story is disjointed and continues to change and contradict himself. We both are thinking the same thing: dementia. Soon more neighbors arrive, and W comes out too.
It takes the cops and ambulance longer than I'd have expected - but they do show up after 15min.

W has tears in her eyes..... she talks to the man and keeps looking at me. Empathy. For so many years, there was none, or there was fake empathy. To see real empathy now - it's such a change.

Eventually the medical staff got him up, and took him to the ambulance. Compound fracture. Head laceration.
My neighbor looks at his outdoor security camera footage....... the man stumbles up, pees on the side of my neighbors house, and eventually ends up at his front door trying to enter. He then stumbles into my yard and falls on the gravel.

Funny enough, W meets all our neighbors for the 1st time  HA!!!!
It's crazy.

Everyone goes inside, and that's the night.

Poor old man. He wanted to go home, but he didn't know where that was. I wasn't going to let him climb into a car and kill someone. He was also afraid of the cost of going to the hospital. At one point saying he didn't need his arm and it could just hang useless.
Incredibly, he didn't exhibit pain outwardly. He let everyone know he was in discomfort, but no tears, no crying, no screaming. Head injury, dislocated shoulder, compound fracture, and who knows what else. That's a tough old man.

I'm still not accustomed to post-MLC W.

One day (or night) at a time,

-SS 

[sachertorte]

Great update! That empathy is pure gold. And you are her golden knight!

Lovely of you to stand guard over the old gentleman in need too. Good for you.

[FaithWalker]

Wow, what a crazy night that must have been.  Hope you are doing well SS!

[Standing Strong]

Journaling:

What a terrible night....... I'm just going to dump out a little.  :'(

Tonight my parrot passed away. She was such a wonderful little creature. Full of light, love and intelligence. Very sweet.
One moment she was right next to me on the chair's armrest playing with the dog before his walk (like every night)..... happy, happy...... and then she fell over onto my lap and she stroked out. At first I thought she had hurt her wing or her foot but it was instantly evident something was very very wrong....... she was screaming...... and a few min later - she rolled into a little ball, closed her eyes and was gone.
I had her for 22 years.
We played every day. Gave her cuddles everyday. Fed her every day (twice).
I have some comfort that she had a good and happy life, and her last act was doing what she liked most: playing with her dog-brother.
Very traumatic ending. Horrible.

It will be very strange not to hear her parrot call anymore. I will miss her little phrases of "Good baby", "Pretty Birdy", "Step up", "What?", and all the singing, dancing and silly bird games we would do together.
She was a rescue bird, taken from an abusive home. She didn't trust humans. I had to sit right next to her cage for hours every night, for months before she learned to trust. She was scared of human hands....... I had to show her one hand would give love, and rub her head. Two hands took even longer..... but she turned into a little love sponge. She'd suck it all up. You could give her kisses and she'd give kissed back. The most affectionate bird I've ever known.

Tomorrow I will take her to my parents home and bury her with all the other family pets from over the decades.

I texted W.... and she called back a few min later. She was crying, and felt horrible I had to deal with it alone (she's on vacation).
I don't mind dealing with it. I do pretty much everything by myself...... but once again there was lots of genuine empathy. Three years ago, not a chance.

And here is the light in the dark......
As we said goodnight, and I headed out to walk the dog..... she said be careful, I said you too...... and right as I was about to hit the end call button.... she said "I love you".
It has been four years since that has last been spoken.
I hit end call.

One night at a time,

-SS