[FaithWalker]

SS I am so sorry to you for the loss of your pretty birdy.  Go easy on yourself.  Sending some virtual ((((HUGS)))))

[TheShore]

SS,

Sorry for your loss - bird, dog, cat, whatever pet one has, there is a bond created and now gone in an instant.  I hope you can find peace.

In regards to those 3 little magic words… wow.  A lot to process there.  Is she feeling you out?  Is she truly back?  I think it can only be a good sign.  I’m sure she realized that you didn’t say it back.  Probably good to gather your thoughts on how to proceed/if you say it to her eventually/talk to her about it.

Best wishes.

[Biscuit]

So sorry to hear about this SS, I know how much you love your pets.
Glad she had such a good life and you were there for her when she passed! A good life is not to be sniffed at.

[JohnnyBravo]

Sorry to hear about your parrot, SS. It takes a person with your kind of patience to bring an abused animal back into comfort.

Hugs,

JB

[Curiosity]

Very sorry for your loss, SS. It's never easy, but it's particularly hard to lose a companion who has been with you through so many of life's ups and downs. It sure sounds like you gave her the very best life a bird could have.

[Standing Strong]

Thank you everyone 

Life is back to normal, although I think of my little cockatoo every day.

What's new.... hmmmmmmm. Well a couple things.

Two days and it's vacation time again!!! Wooo hooooo!!! I need it. Still going alone, but my life is a charmed one. The funny thing is W will be going off on a small vacation with her sister as I come back. Even after MLC, they are still mirroring.
HA!!! The after MLC is such a different experience. They are themselves, but OH so such rebuilding. Difficult to understand the things which are going on in them. They seem so normal, and they can laugh again, they remember again, they talk again....... but how would I put it? Getting their footing? Yes, something like that. And there's a big hole from the past years, the MLC years. Oh they don't want to go near it. No no no..... they avoid it like the plague.

I'm all healed up and working out again!!! New shoes and my issue getting hurt on the peloton are over. It's wonderful.  Six days a week, and sometimes twice a day. 
Already seeing results, and it feels great.

On a different note - the MLC'er at work. I had not seen her for months and months. I stopped by to say high a week ago, and give her an update on W. She was overjoyed when I told her she had made it thru. Lots and lots of questions.
I asked how she was doing..... and she said they had D'ed back in April. The H had enough and asked for the divorce himself. After she had been pushing and asking and all the things MLC'ers do in the years before....... he relented. Kind of interesting because she had calmed down, and was open to getting thru MLC. I guess he ran out of gas..... and that's understandable.
I asked how that was, and it was very obvious she was quite sad about the whole thing. She kept saying "he just wasn't for me", and "I wish he would have listened to me". Of course I know what both these things really mean, and I asked her a simple question: "Is he still in love with you?". She looked up, shocked....... "So he does still love you"....... she blushed, and with twinkles in her eyes, a huge smile and a soft giggle answered "I don't know.... maybe". The maybe had that twinge of hope as her voice cracked.
It is truly fascinating how the MLC'er can so easily throw away, and the moment it's gone - wish it wasn't so.
Today she lives in a small apartment, alone, close to work. Her world has contracted into a very small circle. She lives a very simple and structured routine. It is very easy to see from her vocalized thoughts - the world that was, and the would which could have been. It is regret.
She still texts him, calls him, and asks for help with this or that.

Well....... it's time for vacation. 

One day at a time,

-SS

[Standing Strong]

Journaling:

Vacation was awesome..... and just like always, I sleep so good when I'm away.
It's been a very busy year, huge projects at work all wrapped up after a couple years of breakneck speed.
I went from the airport to the amusement park directly, and when I got to the hotel that night - slept for 14 hours. 
It was great.

Something very new though, and this was so amazing....... and it started that night.... I was dreaming. 
The last several years I have not dreamt..... only when there's a message to remember, but the rest of the time: no dreams. No weird "what was that?", or processing of the day, none of it. Seven years round about. To me this has been normal, but I used to dream every night (before MLC).

Anyway, it was soooooooo weird to dream again..... and it was soooooo fast. Eyes close: *BAM* dreaming.
The thing is, I didn't like it. Wasn't used to it, didn't make sense..... I sat up the next day and told myself "Let's not do that anymore". It was very uncomfortable. Next time I closed my eyes *BAM* more dreaming.... all week. Dreaming.
Got back from vacation, and every night: dreaming.

I figure this is a good sign, the return of dreaming must mean healing. Things are returning to what they once were.

Something I found out is: it's not only me.
W started having horrible nightmares, and she won't talk about it.
Last night she was making bad sounds, and then she woke up, sat up in bed (very upset), and she was sweating like crazy. W doesn't really sweat.
Each time she went back to sleep, more nightmares (I asked her this morning).
Not idea what she's dreaming - she has no desire to share.... but she has all the aftermath to process. No surprise to me.

On to the little dog 
I just got him on that fresh dog food called the Farmers Dog....... he loves it.
He had started having some digestive things going on with his old food, which is weird because he had been eating it for years.
Switched him, and now he's better than ever..... and he likes meal time better than ever.

Me? I'm working out almost every day. Started a new diet, and things are happening. Very exciting.
Going to take my folks to Vegas in Dec for a week, and everyone is really looking forward to it. Very nice to spend time with them.
W will be back at her mom's for the holidays again. No surprise there either. She still has connection issues, and now that MLC is over - maybe she always will. I hope all the cleanup processing will square that away, but we're only human.

One day at a time,

-SS