[Glimmer]

Hi everyone. I didn't think I'd back here after all this time. My story was well documented over the years and I thought it was done. But I want to know if it's possible to have more than 1 MLC. Update. 2 years ago H moved back home. Purely as a lodger as he still paid mortgage and bills.OW he'd been with for 10 years wanted 'one last big adventure'. Sold up and moved 400 miles away to the middle of nowhere. Due to commitments with elderly parents and our 2 girls they agreed on a long distance relationship. He said she suggested he move back in with us. He is still as secretive as ever and never discussed his other life with us. Rest of the family know everything.  So yesterday my sister in law asked if I'd heard that they'd split up. Not for the first time apparently but seemingly for good this time. Her decision. He'd been quiet for a few weeks which made us think something wasn't quite right. He could never hide his feelings.  Anyway this evening he was talking to our girls. Very animated. Talking loudly and flailing his arms around. Life is too short for working 9 to 5. He wants to do something for himself and put himself first. (Funny as this was a reason he gave when he left in 2009) and something I assumed he'd been doing since then. He's going to pack in work and see the world. Do a few odd jobs when he runs out of money. He's filled 2 bin bags with clothes to give away as he doesn't need possessions. And it's therapeutic decluttering your life. Ds upset as they feel they don't enter into things at all. By the way he turns 60 in January.  I can't say I'm happy to be back but it's reassuring to know you're still here.  Any thoughts??

[MadLuv]

Wow, what a situation. Sounds like the original MLC never ended. He moved back home as a lodger? That is not a resolved MLC to me?  Where are you on all this emotionally? Sounds like you know nothing and he lives there, yet other do? It is just ( no offense) the most bizarre situation I have heard of. Well, maybe not totally. We did have another old timer come back and state that her MLCer showed up after 10 years. The two of you should chat.

[UrsaMajor]

I have to second what MadLuv said.... To me, it sounds as if he never came out of the tunnel in the first place. The fact that he was still with OW, even in an LDR, says it all.... He was, as you noted, a lodger... the crazy uncle that lived in the basement and nothing more.  OW sounds as if she is a Mid-Lifer too... That "one last great adventure" thing....

He has not done anything to resolve whatever issued that caused him to go off the deep edge in the first place.... so all he has been doing apparently is "Wash, Rinse, Spin, Repeat"

[Treasur]

I think you might need to be honest with yourself that, in your head at least and maybe your daughters’ too, he is not just a ‘lodger’. Bc if he were, your reactions and questions here would be different, right?

No criticism here, no judgement in the detail of your circumstances that led you to choose to choose as you did. But imho being honest with ourselves about our expectations and motivations is useful when/if we need to change course or respond to changing circumstances.

I don’t know the answer to your question.
I do however think it might be the wrong question?
I’m assuming (and could be wrong) that you are still legally married and still financially linked.
So imho the more useful question is what you want to do about a lodger who is possibly no longer going to be in a position to pay the metaphorical (or real) financial (and normal behavioural) rent? How can you unhook your and your family’s well-being from whatever he does or does not do from here on?
Bc if he were really a lodger, his lease would run out as soon as he could no longer pay the rent, wouldn’t it? And you would not consider his reasons why as being relevant to you?