[mcm64d]

Hi WHY,
Yes she’s gone. I still have not unblocked her number from last week and have no intention to do so. As far as I know she has no idea where I am. She could still email or use her family to get a hold of me but that’s it. I have no intention of reaching out.

If my money and tax records are not delivered in the near future I will reach out to my lawyer.

And I am ok. No major crying spells in recent memory. May start making some friends in the near future. Just trying to be the best version of me. The house, the money, the wife all gone….

[mcm64d]

So in the world of this seemingly never-ending saga I received a check from my mortgage company for an escrow refund. I had to write my xw a check to mail. Unbelievable.

And I guess I could have not sent it and kept the money. She never made a cent worth of payment on that house, but I did the right thing.

Still haven't received my taxes or the check I am do, and I am not letting that affect my morals.

Paraphrasing Mark Twain- always do the right thing; you'll gratify some and astonish the rest.

My word of advice for all those that suffer- don't let it stop you from doing good.... its a good feeling in the end.

[mcm64d]

Some journaling.....

So the last few months have been all about healing and trying to get a sense of normalcy. The xw's cell phone is still blocked and that's going well. A few odd dreams along the way. For instance, I dreamt the cat won The Amazing Race and won $17m. A few dreams of my wife trying to get back with me and me resisting it, which I actually find fascinating. Need to remember to discuss with my therapist. She has me down to every other or third week now, so I guess that is good. Working on things independent of divorce finally.

I have been keeping up with posts here and see a lot of new "faces". I apologize you're here but what a wonderful group this is!!

I have read a lot about whether MLC exists or is the cause of all our relationship issues and whether or not the odds are with us, against us, analyzing statistics and the such.

For whatever it is worth, just try to be you, the best you you can be. And get better in the areas you struggle. Be the best version of yourselves as you can. And if you do hope/ wish/ want/ or are trying to have some kind of a relationship with your spouse in the future, please believe in yourselves and your spouse. The odds are not in our favor but that's ok. As long as you believe and love and can accept that your best efforts may not produce the best results, then go for it!!

And conversely if you choose to cuts all ties and never speak or see them again, please be the best version of yourself and know that it's ok. Life does go on within us and without us- and that also applies to spouses. Again, believe in yourself and in love.

This is meant to be a non judgment zone and its difficult to be non judgmental sometimes when personal experiences are triggered. So please be you.

Enough of my sermon. Hoping everyone well and please feel free to reach out about anything you wish.

[mcm64d]

So I call the county to see where my divorce decree is and if I can get a copy. They tell me what they told me a month or two back- my wife has not completed the process. When I told her this the first time, she insisted that she and her lawyer had everything in place since October 2023. She also claimed to have called the county twice (I gave her the number I had called) and that all that was needed is for the divorce process to complete. She also was so kind to let me know that this was my problem.

I see no point in trying to tell her again that something in this process needs her attention, but I do not want to get my lawyer involved just because I don't want to spend any more money to finance her divorce.

Any suggestions or conjecture on why she's lying about this?

[FrenchHusband]

Any suggestions or conjecture on why she's lying about this?

Lying is common for our spouses during MLC (remember the UM statement about lips moving). And not doing the work on divorce is also very common. In the mind of our dear spouses, we are already "divorced" a long time ago. So why should they do something ?

[UrsaMajor]

Any suggestions or conjecture on why she's lying about this?

She is not necessarily "lying." She may truly think that it is all over and done. Her lawyer may have even told her that. My MLCxW was supposed to provide information on an employer for more than 15 months before the court wrote ME and asked ME to provide it. I wrote back to the court (copying MLCxW and her lawyer) that I never worked for said firm, MLCxW had worked there and that I had no information on them. Turns out MLCxW had expected the company to magically provide the information based on ..... who knows what because she never requested it or provided it but she just expected a miracle to occur by osmosis or something....

But she seriously thought it was all done and taken care of.... until my letter....

Your STBxMLCW may think it is all taken care of. Once the Court informs her they are dropping the action or she will be subject to sanctions, then you will likely see movement. You do not HAVE to do anything as it is not your divorce. You didn't file. You are the respondent.... She has the burden of action, not you. 

She is just too busy toddling off into La-La Land to be bothered to close the loop...

[mcm64d]

Thank you for your thoughts and I tend to agree except she told me she called the same place I have twice and they supposedly told her that the process just needs more time. Yet when I call, I get told that there is a step my wife has to complete and that I can visit the courthouse to find out what that is.

That's why I think she is lying. And her lying is not normal but then again.....

[WHY]

I cannot even begin to explain the way my W’s D process has been managed.  I won’t talk about it because my blood will boil.

A toddler could have done a better job managing things.  Honestly the behavior is beyond bizarre.  I’ve tried to make sense of it so many times.  I just can’t. 

What I know:

*I know she wants this D more than anything. 
*Yet she continues to take actions they don’t reflect that because the D process is being dragged out.  Some things would be so simple to agree upon.  Why argue over stupid things and stall?
*Then she lashes out at me when the D isn’t going anywhere.  And I keep saying it’s your D.  I’ll do whatever I’m legally required to do but I’m not gonna hold your hand and help you destroy our lives.
*Then I give up, say I can’t take it anymore, I will handle all the paperwork and push the D forward
*Then she makes the terms impossible to negotiate, so I can’t move forward, and I put pencils down, again
*Rinse and repeat. 

Been at it for over a year now and 2+ years into replay.

Why does a person behave like this?  There is no doubt in my mind she wants this D more than anything in the world.  She’s not conflicted.  Then why not just D. It’s makes no sense. 

The thing I keep coming back to is yes, she wants this D more than anything, but she wants it on HER terms, which are the alternative reality/fantasy land terms in her mind.  And there is no talking about it or rationalizing it.  They believe what they believe until a judge tells them otherwise.  And that’s why we are no where with this D.

I haven’t tested it yet.  But I suspect even if I agree to all the fantasyland terms she would STILL delay the process.  It would then be other terms that would pop up.  Just my gut feeling.

And if this is the case.  Then why does a person do this. Spend $60k in legal fees but not leave?  And continue on the war path with zero signs of slowing?

What explanation could there be, rational or irrational, to explain this. 

[mcm64d]

Wow that is quite the saga indeed.

[forthetrees]

You could email her lawyer directly to inform her/him of what the court said. That way you don´t get charged.