[Pivoine]

Hello,
It’s been a long time since I last posted an update.
The situation is difficult.
As a reminder, my husband left in November 2023;
AP has been around since September 2022… that’s when they first started seeing each other.
They moved in together in January 2024,
and AP kicked my husband out in November 2025.
As for me, there were times when there was pressure to sell the house, then nothing, then the divorce… still nothing.
When AP kicked him out, he switched lawyers. According to my lawyer—the nex one is more proactive—“you’ll be divorced within three months.”
Still nothing.
I should point out that I’m letting him do as he pleases; I’m not standing in the way of anything.
He found a furnished temporary place that he was supposed to vacate by March 31. He started looking for another place 15 days before… well, yeah, AP didn’t want him to come back.
So we had to rush to separate the furniture… He suggested he’d clear out the house, but I had to defend my interests through my lawyer.
Since then, AP and he have been together without actually being together.
We’re seeing a mediator to work things out, because he feels a strong sense of injustice: “You have everything, I have nothing,” “You’re keeping the house, you have everything, I’m going to lose money,” “You’re giving me the worst stuff”.... And the usual accusations: “I wasn’t allowed to spend my own money,” “You didn’t respect me in front of the kids,” “You bought lots of dresses”.... So I tried in vain to set the record straight.... We know it’s impossible—they won’t listen to a word.

He has no empathy; he only cares about his own material survival, and my emotional well-being means nothing to him. He refuses to bring the dog back to me, saying that he has to make the round trip and that it costs him money (we live 15 km apart), and when I tell him, “It’s your choice; I don’t have to take responsibility for a choice that isn’t mine,” he replies, “Don’t confuse emotional ties with shared property. We have to divide the furniture fairly...” He says his request to the mediator will be non-negotiable.....
I admit I don’t know how to interact with him anymore..... I’m not standing in the way of the separation; I’m letting him do what he wants and standing up for myself—that’s all. No matter what I do, say, or don’t say, it’s never good enough. I asked him not to contact me until the next mediation session.
I’m doing fine; I’ve found activities I enjoy, and I have my friends. He, on the other hand, is losing all his friends in our local community, and his old friends aren’t around much anymore either. His local friends don’t recognize him anymore; they make fun of him and criticize AP.
I should point out that I don’t talk about this… It saddens me for him, but that’s his path, not mine.

When will all this end?
As soon as he contacts me, he drains my energy.
What advice do you have for me?
I feel like he’s not making any progress.... It’s always the same complaints, over and over again. And he tells the mediator that, as he mourns the end of our relationship, he’s in a phase of renewal.... All I get is anger.

need support please....

[Treasur]

I am sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. Many of us here have walked in your shoes and found it just as crazy-making that, no matter how reasonable we are, the process of separation/divorce does not seem to go as it should.

I don’t know where you live or the laws there about mediation. But I do think you have provided your own answer…
“As soon as he contacts me, he drains my energy”

Take advice from your lawyer about how you can meet your legal obligations in mediation without having any direct contact with him at all. Or keeping it to an absolute minimum. And ask how long and with what objectives the mediation process will go on. I don’t know who is paying for the mediation but mediation is not therapy or couples counselling. You should not have to waste your time or money on dealing with his feelings bc mediation is not about that - if he needs a therapist bc he feels so wounded, he can sort that out for himself.

And imho don’t ‘ask’ him again not to contact you. Act on it. Limit the ways he can contact you and do not pick up if he calls. Consider blocking him where you can. Change the notification on your phone so you know it’s him and can reject the call. Limit your use of social media if you use it. Perhaps say you will only respond via ypur lawyer as your children are adults - I did this, he didn’t like it but hey ho, and it reduced the amount of crazy in my life. Or only respond to emails if you must and take your time.

The one common thing here is that these folks are staggeringly entitled - they don’t want you when they don’t but expect you to jump to it when they do. No/minimal contact is your friend right now. Bc as you say it drains your energy, does not benefit you and changes nothing in his attitude or behaviour.

You will have to work out for yourself - as most of us did - the deeper reasons and thoughts behind why you are allowing or responding to him currently. Bc for most of us imho it’s complicated…we do it bc we think it serves us or we have an obligation. Until we realise it doesn’t and we don’t. I hope that helps.

[Pivoine]

Thank you for your support.
I'm in touch with my lawyer.
With the email I sent to MLC, I think I should be receiving divorce papers soon, since I’ve shifted the responsibility for filing for divorce back to him—it’s not my place to do so.
What I find difficult—and this is my sense of injustice speaking—are all the lies and the rewriting of our history, even though he admits we had a beautiful connection. He feels entitled to take whatever he wants from the house, because it’s still his house. He wants an amicable divorce, but he’s being mean; I’m protecting myself, and he concludes that I’m stalling the process, that I’m preventing him from accessing his belongings.
Let him go through with the divorce—it’s his choice, his responsibility.
Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s hard.