[Foxberry]

S&D,

I know exactly what you mean about the controlling, manipulative OW.... My H's OW actually brought H with his clothes to the station to come back to me at Easter    Then her emails were clever, just enough "I can't believe you're leaving without saying goodbye to me properly and the children" (OW's children 17 & 21) and then vindictive telling me about another affair H had? Unbelievable....my H just couldn't see how awful her behaviour was.... and H has fallen further and further now into her trap... OW took him back after I couldn't take any more cruelty and went back to my Sons home... but I bet she said "I won't ask any questions but I want commitment and if you leave again that's it" I can just hear her now!  She left a quite menacing voicemail on his phone saying he was lying, telling one story to me and one to her.... how can H be so stupid.....?

Fox xxx

[Synicca]

OMG Fox!!

seriously are ALL the OP's the same people??? My h's Ow did and said some of the same things!!!

LMAO!!! This is to much, you have to laugh or we would go insane!!

[phoenixwoman1]

I absolutely can relate... My XH told me I was "too strong" the first week he left.  Also told me words to the effect that OW needed him.  I found out after BD that a few weeks before he told my SIL when we were aruguing, "I could call somebody right now that wants me".  She thought he was just blowing off steam.  A  couple days later is when phone records show he started calling her.  He said she would text and he would call her.  He told a mutual friend that "I wasn't happy and I had this girl throwing herself at me".  He seems to go back and forth on how important she is to him.  When we were "seeing each other" for a couple months this past winter (apparently she dumped him to go back to exbf while she was in rehab) he said she was "a distraction".  He had also told a mutual friend last fall that OW "was just a fu$%".  I now think he was just lashing out at her since she probably dumped him both times.  He seems to take her back whenenver she crooks her finger.  He told me he was "gun shy" of us getting back together because he didn't want it to become the way it used to be.  Not sure if he lies sometimes or just has changing feelings?? Who really knows.

[truth_seeker]

I absolutely can relate... My XH told me I was "too strong" the first week he left.  Also told me words to the effect that OW needed him.  I found out after BD that a few weeks before he told my SIL when we were aruguing, "I could call somebody right now that wants me".  She thought he was just blowing off steam.  A  couple days later is when phone records show he started calling her.  He said she would text and he would call her.  He told a mutual friend that "I wasn't happy and I had this girl throwing herself at me".  He seems to go back and forth on how important she is to him.  When we were "seeing each other" for a couple months this past winter (apparently she dumped him to go back to exbf while she was in rehab) he said she was "a distraction".  He had also told a mutual friend last fall that OW "was just a fu$%".  I now think he was just lashing out at her since she probably dumped him both times.  He seems to take her back whenenver she crooks her finger.  He told me he was "gun shy" of us getting back together because he didn't want it to become the way it used to be.  Not sure if he lies sometimes or just has changing feelings?? Who really knows.

Phoenixwoman1 - I too have heard the same things.  I even was told by MIL to take the chip off my shoulder and get over it!  Can you believe that?!!  FOO is very much a part of MLC as is the OW is the addiction.  H told me OW is "needy" and he didn't like this yet he left to live with her.  "She's not a strong as you and needs medication to keep her awake." he said.  I didn't know think that was a bad thing.   

[Glimmer]

Shortly after my H left he told me I was stronger than he was and that I was handling the situation much better than he was.   He also told me that he couldn't have done what I am doing, or put up with everything  I have done since MLC.

When he told me about OW he said he was interested in her 'mind' and her opinions and the conversations they had. Apparently we  never had anything in common.   It took him almost 20 years to reach that conclusion.

[truth_seeker]

When he told me about OW he said he was interested in her 'mind' and her opinions and the conversations they had. Apparently we  never had anything in common.   It took him almost 20 years to reach that conclusion.

Same script I heard.  Mine took over 24 years and two kids to figure it out.    Oh and then said "we can't be together because he and OW are a "couple" now.  WTF???  If anyone thinks they are not having a MLC they need to listen to the BS that comes out of their mouths. 

NO SANE person would say such a thing to their W.  No sane person would say "I would NEVER marry OW after having married you.  Why would I do that?!! "I love you 50% but need to made sure I can love you 100%"  "I would never leave you for HER!".  BTW:  H said all this while living with OW.      Guess I should feel really good now.  I'm feeling the love. (note sarcasm)

Guess I should take the chip off my shoulder as my MIL said.  Beatch!!!  Idiot!!!  Ok I feel better.  Needed to let that out.   

[Foxberry]

My H told me at BD that he had more feelings for OW than he felt for me before we got married... That hurt me so much... Over our mini reconciliation over Easter H told me she was putting pressure on him to move all his belongings out of our home (apparently not fair to me - big of her), moody behaviour, etc etc., if H got fed up with her after 6 months how long will it last when I show him I 'don't need him any more & divorce him' the thrill of the chase & me being a doormat have both gone!

His funeral & hers! I can't take the rejection & heartache any more. :-/.  If H wants this low-life cheating sl*t - H can have her!!!

Love & hugs
Fox.  Xxx

[Shantilly Lace]

Consequences for Dearheart
If I don't like it I remove myself or ignore behaviours.  If he pushes too hard like last monster I fix the situation so it removed his "power".  after  last monster he lost a hugeamount of his so called control.  I think that was why monster lasted 2 weeks.

Other than that I am not his mummy.

although admittedly if I like what he's doing i try and encourage those behaviours LOL.

Watch out for Shantilly Lace... MLCer trainer extraordinaire

ROFL

[Mamma Bear]

   Shant. LOL that's a good one. I picture you with a chair and a whip. (in that scenario MLCer would be a lion)      With MLC though it would be like trying to tame an angry Jelly Fish
  Sort of like an ameoba that keeps changing shape and hiding and floating around.  Or squirting outdangerous poison. (Monster Jelly Fish)

[Shantilly Lace]

Mama Bear I told a friend once that trying to control an MLCer is like trying to herd ants.
They go whereever they want when ever they want.
They run off in seemingly idiotic patterns, sting like hector charlie, and if you try and squish one (problem) 1000 more come up and attack you.

Holding them hurts.

But yes your analogy works as well.