[Is your MLCer High or Low Energy]

Is your MLCer High or Low Energy

High Energy

18 (39.1%)

Low Energy

17 (37%)

I don't know, he seems kind of in-between

11 (23.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

Voting closed: June 27, 2011, 01:28:35 PM

[Trustandlove]

Looking at that, my MLCer is much more high-energy.  I've seen the overt depression, but every time that happens he frantically looks for something to fill the void.   He said he was confused at the beginning, but as time goes on he seems more and more certain of his decisions.  "Secure in his crisis" is how RCR put it....

[Still]

Definitely low energy.

•Gender
Male
Age at Bomb Drop
38
•Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore...•
Fantasy Only (I believe)
Are they home?
Moved out recently, was home over 2 years after BD
If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?)
Lives in a rental home alone..3 blocks away
•Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living?
One adult child, twins(11) 1/2 time each place
•Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb
Pursuer...Early years MLC'er, later years me

They may be more aware that they are confused--though I'm merely guessing and you can tell me more

If he is aware that he is confused, he isn't indicating it. His actions speak of a confused man......saying he was leaving and staying for over 2 years, claiming to be a Christian, but not stepping foot in a church in 10 months nor taking his Bible when he left; no longer communicating with most of his friends.....etc.

As far as crisis goes, I think my H's is very mild compared to others. He has never expressed a "change of mind" since the initial bomb drop, but continued to take part in all family activities (school events, dinners out, dinners at the table, vacations, etc.), until him moved out. After that, no more family activities have taken place. When he left, he clearly made that mental separation, as well. Another thing I have noticed, he only spoke of wanting to divorce/separate to a very select few individuals before moving. Now that he has left, many people have contacted me because he is apparently "spreading the word" to everyone. Odd as he has always been a very private person.

[Gardenia]

•Male, 35

•Age at BD 31 (but I knew something was wrong about 6 mths prior)

•Infidelity: Brief (4 mths, she moved away and did pop up again a year later, but only visited. Neither had anything nice to say about the other, neither had respect for the other very degrading situation. I do not think anything else has happened, maybe one more but I have no substantial proof / evidence.)

•Are they home? He moved out but comes over nearly everyday and will sleep at home for weeks / months at a time with no interruption, but then cycles back to missing a few days here and there. The longest we did not see each other in four years is 11 days.)

If not, where are they living? Alone in an apartment. Does not call it home, calls it "over there" "the apartment", calls our home "the house", has mentioned to family members it is time for him to move home, yet has not done so yet. Last time he mentioned moving home was January 2010, that I know of.

•Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living?
Yes, S14, D12, S7, S5 Live home with me

•Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb
We both pursue and distance, I think I probably pursue a little more. But when I distance he will pursue after a few days. Sort of like he is checking to make sure I am still there.

My H is a workaholic. He works 6 days a week sometimes he would work seven days a week for weeks on end. I know he is not satisfied with his job and has tried to get a new one but that has not worked out, plus he cares for the kids while I work and that also makes it difficult.

He drinks a lot. Started drinking liquor within this crisis. Before he was just a beer drinker. He goes through times of wanting to work out and then stop drinking but then starts up again. He also smokes.

[Hopeful]

Gender:  Female

Age at Bomb Drop:  45

Infidelity: Started as emotional, progressed to physical, not sure about now.

Are they home?  Moved out shortly after BD.  She has moved far away now.  I'm not sure if she's living with an alienator or not.   I suspect she is. 

Children:   Two teenage boys, they were 14 and 17 when she left, now they are 17 and 19.  They both live with me.

Pursuer vs. Distancer:  I pursued and she distanced herself from the family for about a year.  I stopped pursuing and she has continued to move farther away.

[Gallagher]

Gender:  Male

Age at Bomb Drop:  48

Infidelity: Started as emotional.  They met on the bus and were friends for 2 years.  Progressed to physical.  She was lonely and willing had sex with him at her home once a week for 11 months.  Affair is over, as both spouses found out.

Are they home?  Yes, he is physically home. 
 
Children:   Three boys, they are 15, 12 and 11.

Pursuer vs. Distancer:  Can we both be distancers?  He pursued our initial relationship, but over time the only thing he really pursued was more sex!  He is very quiet by nature.  Has anxiety and seems slightly depressed all the time. Has been on anti depres.  for as long as I've know him.  Takes meds for anxiety as needed.   

I do not know if he is aware that he's confused.  Blames affair on lack of sex.  Does not seem remorseful.  Has not exhibited Monster behavior.  Just has not taken responsibility for anything and not sure if he wants a relationship with me.  An empty shell.

[Mitzpah]

I think mine is a type of low energy...
Gender - Male
•Age at Bomb Drop - 49
•Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore... Brief EA (I think) but now seems to have a very close emotional link to younger half sister
•Are they home? No
If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?) Lives with elderly aunt (83 years old,older than his father would be if alive)
•Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living? Yes, son 19, son 17 and daughter 16, all living with me
•Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb
Now: I am trying hard to be a distancer but tend towards pursuit and he is definitely a distancer now!
pre BD: I was a distancer and I pursued if I felt him distancing, he was a nice affectionate pursuer most of the time.
Some of his replay antics seem to be high energy in spurts, like buying on impulse, partying for short periods (two or three days running and then nothing). He took quite a while to move out and said he was very confused at the beginning, in fact he said that he was not going to say anything about it (BD speech) until after Christmas and New Year. Nowadays he says he is 'sure' about what he is doing and seems to have a 'plan' to get level financially and then move on with his life... He also says he is 'happy' with himself and that this is the way it has to be. He seems to be settling a little - low energy, I suppose

[subooru]

Gender: Male
Age at Bomb drop: 48
Infidelity: Brief physical affair, also an emotional affair with another women. Both appeared over in October 2009.
Home or not: Was home until June 11 (had come and gone for a few days at a time, always returned). Has now been out since June 11 and says wants 6 month separation and then file in January 2012.
Kids: 1 daughter, age 18
Pursuit and Distance dynamics: I am mostly the pursuer, and H is the distancer.  Although the dynamic changed from time to time.  When I detached more, H became more pursuant.  Has been more pursuant since he moved out.
H has periods of high energy (monster) followed by calm periods (low energy), but I see him mostly as low energy.  Before BD had noticed some further distancing, but throughout relationship, he was more distant, but changed when it seemed I would back off.
Says he is happier than he has been in 2 years now.  Says he "will never live with me again". Yet, he is back to calling and texting frequently.  I reply with polite response, but am not initiating any communication.  Will speak to him about finances, and then plan to go completely NC.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Gender:                        Female

Age at Bomb Drop         43
 
Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore...: EA still going strong

Are they home? Yes

If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?)

Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living? Two daughters Ages 15 and 11 both at home

Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb I am the Pursuer, still pursuer but less intense.

Wife has stated she is confused, her mind is wrong that she does not think like a 44 year old woman.

[Shantilly Lace]

Gender: Male

Age at BD: 37

Infidelity Physical, still ongoing.

Are they home: spends most nights here. Other nights at alienator

Kids: 5 daughters at home

Pursuit and distance: At BD I became pursuer. previously I was most likely the distancer.  Now he is pusuing a little more.

Knows he's confused and that the life he is in can't be sustained.

[Synicca]

High Energy Mlcer here

Gender:  Male

Age at Bomb Drop         42
 
Infidelity: Emotional, Physical: PA still going strong ( right now EA as they do not live in the same State )

Are they home? Yes

Moved out, rented Apt with Ow..Now home, Still with OW

Kids: Yes D13

Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb I am the Pursuer, still pursuer but less intense.

Husband states that he will Marry Ow, She will return to live in Cali again once H is settled back in our home
and myself and my D13 are gone. Still thinks Ow is his future.

Not alot of Monster, lots of ILY's directly after BD. Stated he Missed me even while living with Ow.
Has been nice most of the time. Going on 10 months w/ Ow