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Author Topic: MLC Monster Vacation

R
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MLC Monster Vacation
OP: August 13, 2011, 02:38:53 PM
I hope it's OK to start a new thread as it's about something specific.
We will be going on vacation for a week starting next Sat the 20th.
This idea was my wife's. As far as I know we will even be sharing a bed.
Can someone enlighten me as to what this could be all about?
I'm a little nervous about it as you can probably tell.
I know to just go with it and I think things will be fine, I'm just
blown away not only that she would want to go, but that it was
her idea.
S18 was going to go and I told her that she and I could sneak out
and walk hand in hand on the beach at night.
It looks like he will be working and won't be able to go and W said
"well there goes our babysitter" That response surprised me a little.
I think if you asked her she would say we are working on out marriage.
Any insight??????
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« Last Edit: August 14, 2011, 12:07:42 PM by justasking »
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Re: Vacation
#1: August 13, 2011, 04:09:28 PM
Rebel Yell, I don't have any insight into what your wife is thinking or what she is expecting.   I notice from your profile that BD was in early 2009 so maybe your wife has progressed enough to start looking again at you and your marriage.    This is where you really have to pull together everything you have learnt so that the 'new' Rebel Yell is able to build a new relationship with his 'new' wife.       I spoke to another LBS this evening and we both agreed that this is not like starting a relationship with a new person as there is more history with our MLCers, which means we are much more wary.  And rightly so.   

The sharing a bed is something you might want to talk to her about before you go.    If possible I would go for separate rooms and then see how it works out.    A bit of sneaking around and uncertainty (as well as space or time together when needed) would mean there is no falling back into the old relationship, which as we all know is dead.  It sounds to me that you have the chance of getting to know your wife again - and she you.   I am jealous.

Enjoy your holiday


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Re: Vacation
#2: August 13, 2011, 08:25:07 PM
This is her dance Rebel. Let her lead. But I would also let her know that you are interested...but go slow!
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Re: Vacation
#3: August 13, 2011, 11:21:18 PM
Rebell Yell,

I am going through this with my H.  Just in case you don't follow my thread, he is still on track to move back at the end of September and has been doing overnight stays over the past couple of months.  He started out on the pullout couch.  After a couple of times, he decided to sleep in our bed.  I think it is a tiny step closer, not to intimacy necessarily, but to being more comfortable around each other in this new world.  I mirror H and it seems to be accepted by him.  I don't worry about what he is thinking.  I just observe what he is doing and mirror.  I figure if he wants to move on further he will let me know when the time is right.  Enjoy you vacation and her company.  Let her see what can be......

 
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B/D  11/2010
Moved out 1/2011
Moved back 10/2011
j
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Re: Vacation
#4: August 14, 2011, 04:02:34 AM
Rebel

Do you want to make this your main thread now and lock the other one? OR was this just aspecific question regarding your holiday so we could put the thread under a different theme? OR do you want to combine new and old together?

Sorry lots of questions.

xx
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R
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Re: Vacation
#5: August 14, 2011, 06:25:00 AM
I wanted this to be a separate thread just about the vacation subject.
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u
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Re: Vacation
#6: August 14, 2011, 11:48:55 PM
Hey Rebel,
You need to do what you feel is best.
My thoughts would be that you've been operating in the dark for a while so you may want to talk with her before the vacation.
What I've said to my H occasionally is that since I'm working on how I hope our marriage will be, I'm working on our communication skills, so I'm going to ask...
You can figure out a better way to say it.
It's tricky, you don't want to put too much pressure on her, but you do deserve some truth.  If she distances for a bit, that's to be expected.  Hopefully she'll come right back.  It should give you some sense of how close she might be to really coming back.
Go slow and if you feel her pulling back, just back off again.
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R
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Re: Vacation
#7: August 15, 2011, 06:36:02 AM
That sounds good. I know we both have been poor communicators.
This is something I know I can work on.
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R
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Re: Vacation
#8: August 28, 2011, 05:46:18 AM
Well, I survived.
Nothing new really, but that's not a shocker.
Still sounds like MLC, "I won't be alive much longer" " I need something that's really mine"
"I've always done everything for everyone else" and some history rewriting.
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