[Dontgiveup]

Even with the divorce, I am not expecting my ex-wife to hit rock bottom soon.  If there is a silver lining to the divorce, it is that perhaps now she can put that decision behind her.  From everything I understand about MLC, the MLCer does not really like to have to make decisions.  If they do have to make a decision, the decision they make will typically be whichever answer allows them to continue running away.

So now that the divorce is done, she no longer has to think about that as far as a "decision to make".  She's "free" now....she has her freedom and will expect the emptiness, confusion, doubts, and anxiety of MLC to go away.  But will they go away?  In my belief based upon Christianity, not only will those things not go away, but a whole new set will come (of the same emotions).  I think this new set is what will eventually take her toward Liminality.  I don't know when and that doesn't matter right now.  She's only about 6 months into Replay, so she will probably keep running from these emotions for a while yet.  But eventually, her beliefs and emotions will collide.....and I believe that's when the face of Liminality can start to manifest itself.

Baxter....it sounds to me like your friend may have had a crisis.  This is not meant as a rebuttal from me, but I do voice my opinion on it.  The "we're two different people" line is hollow.  Every couple is two different people.  To me, it's disrespecting your spouse.  In a healthy marriage, the spouses know how to use their differences to complement the other spouse.  It's also a sign that the couple is not co-dependent.  Just my opinion...

[hopeful59]

My H threatened divorce right after he moved out.  I told him that I did not want a divorce and that I would fight him every step of the way.  He then backed off for awhile, claimed that he didn't have the money to file for divorce.  I then told him that if he really wanted a divorce I would file all he had to do was admit that he was involved with OW.  That never happened either.  Now almost 1-1/2 years since he moved out there has been no legal action taken whatsoever.  H has said to other people several times that he will have the money for the divorce soon...yeah, right.  The only people that seem to support him are his S & BIL, friends at work and of course the OW.

[Baxter]

Apparently the D papers will be delivered tomorrow for sure according to what H told my friend who talked with him today.   In my state there is a 90 cooling off period (just time to figure things financially, or in the marriage etc) .  When my friend asked well are you going to work on the marriage during that time( which we all know is pointless, but he asked anyway)  H said, well I don't know, you never know what can happen.  Ya, he's sure he is making the right decision.   

[Dontgiveup]

Sorry to hear about that Baxter.  I'm on the back end of that now with the divorce itself being done.  The only thing I'll pass along to you is to continually keep in mind that the MLC process is longer than the divorce process.  Some MLCers don't file....some do....mine did.

During the "cooling off" period, my MLCer and I did have several discussions, went to counseling, and she went back and forth on what she wanted to do.  But again, the way MLC works, the "cooling off" period before divorce just wasn't enough time for MLC to run it's course.

[Baxter]

Hey there -  I know...I am well aware of the freakin timing and how  its just not enough time, but  I guess you never know.    I know there are tactics I can employ to prolong it as well..ie, having no discussions about financials, and no resolutions on that etc.  That could put if off another 6 weeks or so.  I could do that same again, and buy another 6 weeks.  Ideally, I can push it to January time if I really just did nothing and sat on it.    That could infuriate the monster though..although, apparently, he's pretty calm and cool now.  What an act.   

Wondering if he is expecting me to call him up crying...sorry, that's not going to happen.   And another thing,  he told me last week that I was getting them this coming week.  He told my friend that I think they are coming the following week...talk about MLC memory lost...idiot, he just told me the other day. 

[hurt01]

My H moved in with OW in Dec.09 , Filed for D in Jan.10. He is still living with her and has never looked back. He told me to NEVER contact him again and I haven,t. He seems to be happy with OW. We go to court in 2 months for D. He said he just wanted to get it over with. The only reason it has taken so long to go to court is because I wouldn,t sign D papers in Jan. and I hired an atty. So yes some do file right after BD. At least in my sitch. He seems to have no regrets.

[Baxter]

Hi Hurt01 -   Sorry about your sitch.      He seems to have no regrets....atleast none at the moment..right.      That could change at some point, but only god knows when that will be.   

[Dontgiveup]

Hurt01

I don't remember your situation in depth, but I do recall how quickly your husband was moving.  I'd like to offer a small bit of encouragement to you.  It is my belief that divorce can be a part of Replay.  Divorce is "running away".  The encouragement I have for you is that although your husband seems to have no regrets, it's too early to proclaim that.

Some encouragement out of the articles section is that your MLCer is going to do everything he can while in Replay (and possibly beyond that) to make sure he "seems" happy to you.  Perhaps he is right now, but like all things associated with MLC.....things change.

[hurt01]

Baxter & dontgiveup

Thank you for your reply and encouragement. I really need it today. Both my kids told me today, mom dad has moved on so get over it.

[Dontgiveup]

That is sad to hear, but as you know it's not unusual.  Kids & MLCers are similar in that how somebody feels and what they say today is gospel.  To most kids and most MLCers, the "future" is about 1 hour from now.