[stayed]

Actually, you have nailed it Calmaityj... he is a "platonic" husband.


hugs Stayed

[CrazyStupidLove]

I am not sure what mine is. He does not call or text but responds immediately to mine and usually accepts any invitation to do tings. Came to neighbors funeral, my staff Christmas party, etc.

He comes here to stay in my son's room when he is in the area on business and does works around the house, yard, and brings the dog treats. Talks about "our peach tree," and "our taxes." Always welcomes house-sitting when I go out of the area.

He is a champion gift-giver and usually brings something when he comes.

Has not mentioned divorce but when I asked him after BD if this was his intention he said, "not now...but if I meet someone in the future."

Never calls just to chat, but always likes to talk when I see him.

Whadda ya think?

Wow...I think we have "twins"....

You just described the same guy that I know. He is currently "House sitting" OUR house and my youngest daughter while I am out of town with my other daughter for a week. He hasn't called me or texted me while I've been away...instead I have initiated some texts asking about how things are going at the house, and talking about the fun things I am doing on my trip with our daughter and he responds like my best friend...even adds !!!!! for emphasis on some of his replies.  ie; Have fun!!! Drive safe!! Have a good night!! 

I'm curious to find out if he has slept in "our" bed while I am away. There was another night last month where I spent the night away from home with one of my girls, so he stayed with the other daughter and he slept on the couch and didn't go near "our" room. However, this time I have been gone for 9 days. I can't imagine him sleeping on the couch every night for that long. 

Mine never calls to just chat either. Some days that is really hard for me...because I miss that "chatting"...it's funny how they treat us like we are good neighbors or something.  I have caught him saying "we" instead of "I" on a few occasions. I'm sure it's just a slip...once I get home on Sunday...he will be right back to OW's house. Wonder if his 9 days at our home did anything for him...doubtful.

[Niek]

The fact that they don't call or text is normal behavior for a clinger I guess. Usually mine doesn't call nor text me. Sometimes he sends me pictures from the children from the time they were little. Very, very sad. But he comes home several times a week and we go out for dinner, to museums or to the spa. Buys me flowers and sometimes a present. Always calling me his wife. But when he is gone it just looks like I am completely out of his mind. Like he is living in two different worlds.

And the strange thing is that he says he comes home to see the kids. But that is absolutely not true. He doesn't pay any attention to them. Even leaves without saying goodbye to them. He comes home to see me.

[theheartknows]

CSL and Niek,
    This sounds so familiar it has got me wondering if my H has been disappearing to one of your homes!!
    CSL, I get the exclamation marks and encouragement in replies to my texts. He is like my personal coach: "Way to go!"  "Yay for you, enjoy!!"
    Too bizarre for words...I think Niek is on to something with the two different worlds though.

[The New Me]

Definite clinging boomerang over here. BD was May 2010, he moved out Nov 2011. He acted like it was painful to be around me when he was here, but panicked slightly when I agreed that he should move out. He would come back every weekend to be with "the kids" and called daily. After a while I noticed that some days he never even asked to speak to the kids, just me. If several days went by without me talking to him, I'd get an email or text. A few months in, he even suggested that it was time we bought a bigger house - something we'd been on track to do before the alien abduction. 

At one point I asked him to stop pretending it was about the kids. I said if it was really only about them, he'd find a way to make plans with only them and not always have "family time." He didn't disagree.

I found it most challenging in the beginning, before I knew about MLC (or the OW - which he denied for over a year). I could feel him wanting to be close, then he'd turn his back on me again which made me wonder if I was imaging it. It kept me engaged, which I guess was the whole point. Now that we're reconnecting he says I wasn't imagining it, he was just scared.

[smilingsam]

I have a boomerang, it is dressed up as only being about the kids or money but he just wants the reassurance of contact, I can feel it when I am with him. It's weird, he wants to be with me but doesn't want me to speak about anything serious so I don't. I know it is just for comfort but why does he need that comfort if he is so sure he is where he wants to be. I just keep it safe and neutral, for my benefit more than his.

I can't help but wonder what the OW makes of his contact, it must disturb her. She is currently playing the saint but that can't last forever. I would be really upset and frightened if I were her.

[toughtimes]

I have an angry boomerang, comes back and stays here two nights a week to look after the kids. Sometimes stays at weekends, tells me I shouldn't be here, I say, everytime, but I live here! He's now insisting the two nights a week is long term??? He wants a financial settlement and separation counselling in order for us to learn how to communicate for the sake of the children. It's very confusing. It's just weird.

Just wondering what close contact is? RCR thought my H close contact, I think boomerang of the very angry non clinging kind!

[CallanG]

I think that mine is somewhere between a Boomerany and a Touch & Go, he has stated that he doesnt want to contact me because it gives me false hope. Initiation of contact varies, not long after BD2 he emailed and asked for our builders details for a friend , he will keep up an email or text conversation about random stuff and then get uncomfortable , maybe he realises how easy it is to forget he has left when are exchanging jokey texts about something . If we speak the same thing happens even about diffcult subjects I think he forgets and then shuts off when he remembers.
The other side of that is that he can go for a week or so with no contact . It has now been nearly two weeks but I have to add to that that I decided to go NC as he was so erratic , emotional or hurtful teenager. He does not monster as such he does say hurtful things to get a reaction .

[Almost there]

Not sure if I have a boomerang. We exchange our D9 3-4 times a week but other than that he doesn't initiate contact. Though when I wanted to switch from spliting weekends in half to doing every other weekend he was adament it was not happening. Not sure what that is about.

editing for spacing.

[Returned]

Strange things are up with my boomerang. Contact has diminished to once a month, but he says some non tunnel like things every once in a while.
How are you? he asked the other day. First time in 17 months that he asked.
Thank you he said when I told him he could stay at the house on trips
Do you want to meet at the (restaurant I like)?
He is talking less like the alien now that he lost his job....less talk that is paranoid, more like himself.

I mean lets not overblow this, I dont even get eye contact, much less affection. But still progress is progress. Even if we never get back together I would like to see him become a normal human being, and he is almost beginning to sound like one.