[evas]

I am so new to all this I haven't even categorized H, but I guess he's a Boomerang. Perhaps if it weren't for our S4 he'd be a Vanisher.

H initiates all contact, however brief (and BRIEF it is), and I respond even briefer if at all. Before I went NC, whenever I texted or called him, he'd NEVER respond.

Can an MLCer be a Vanisher if he is very attached to his kid? I really think H is only in touch with me because of our S. As I never initiate any contact, if it weren't for his text mssgs, we'd have no contact whatsoever.

[Trustandlove]

I think if they stay in touch because of children then they are 'classified' as Boomerangs; I'm in the same boat, as for the most part he'd be a complete vanisher by now if it weren't for the children.  The first years he still wanted to talk to me; even up to last year, but now I might as well not exist, and the children only as pals as well, actually. 

But we do see him very briefly but pretty regularly, so that's a Boomerang. 

[Returned]

I have a boomerang. He calls or emails me every two weeks and sets up a lunch date. However he is definitely NOT clingy. No affection expressed ever...no smiles, no hugs, nothing like that...

He doesnt know my address so no way to tell if he would come over...but my guess is he would not. He goes to great effort not to inspire any "hope". I think he is being "faithful" to OW.

[Niek]

I think my H is a Clinging Boomerang. After BD he never texted or called me, but always came home several times a week. Sometimes in the morning making breakfast for us. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night and found him next to me saying he wanted to escape the whole mess he was in. He always kisses me when he comes in or goes away. But since a few weeks he comes home almost every day. Takes us out to the movies, we went to see a musical together with our children, takes me out for dinner. Wants to help me do the cooking, helps me in the garden, baked a cake, cleaned the windows. Things he never done before. But he still doesn't want to talk. The only thing he said last week on the phone was that he didn't want a life with me and the girls anymore and that he would explain me why later on. So I told him that I was very curious and that after his explanation I want split up everything and that we then no longer need to see each other anymore. He was speechless for 5 seconds (thinking about what he had to say now I guess) and then start to scream that he wouldn't explain, cause even after one year I would still blame him.

BTW: An other very interesting thing he said was about all the projections he did onto me. And they were really really really horrible. Especially in the beginning, cause I didn't know what it was. Until I understood they were all issues he was never able to tell his mother. H said to me last week that I was never able to forget about the things he said (is his interpretation) and that they will stay between us for the rest of our lives. 'You could also have thought that I was mentally ill and that that was the reason I said these things to you.' I texted him later on that I don't think they were meant for me, cause he never had been like that and that I forgive him. No reaction on this one.

Are they really capable of thinking?? It seems so.

[Returned]

At the time of bomb drop my husband told me he never wanted to see or hear from me again, and that I should only contact him if it was about the children. Surprise, surprise. I am now almost 1 year post bomb drop and it appears I have a boomerang although he is definitely not the clingy type.

No affection, no hugs, no kisses. All sorts of strange rejections: refusing to eat with me, refusing to be seen in public with me. However he keeps in touch very regularly, he calls me at least every 10-14 days, he meets with me somewhere every 10-14 days, emails me somewhat less than that. He rarely tells me about himself, but always quizes me about what I am doing.

Phone calls are near normal conversations, meetings in person are often somewhat strained. To say that he acts strange is an understatement. Often he seems anxious and nervous. He has always had problems of projection, where he projects his feelings onto others. For example when he was angry he would say I was angry, when he was nervous about social events he would say I didn't like social events etc. etc.

Up until now I have refused to join him in this strange crisis he has invented. I have an excellent job, a great social life, and although the first four months post BD were devastating since then I have been GALing in a big way. However I always go to the meetings he sets up, and I have never spoken to him badly. If he wants a crisis he must totally invent it, because I will not assist him.

[JAG]

Boomerang
This MLCer stays in contact--sometimes because you have children, but not always and often the children provide a convenient excuse.

This confuses me and maybe someone can explain it better.  I say this because every man would be a boomerang (MLC or not) because in every separation/divorce when kids are involved there has to be some contact for the simple purpose of scheduling visitation times, etc.  So, since my H ONLY send me an email requesting to see the kids (whenever he feels he is going to be in town) then is he really a boomerang? Shouldn't there be another name for those Hs that ONLY keep contact for the purpose of seeing the kids.  When he is supposed to arrive he sends me a text saying "I am here...tell me the time and place".  That is it.  I have never received ANY emails about how the kids are or anything else.  The only one recently was asking if we could join him on a business trip....again....boomerang or just a father who would rather spend time with his kids on his terms so that he doesn't have to change his business plans?

Thoughts?

[OldPilot]

Boomerang
This MLCer stays in contact--sometimes because you have children, but not always and often the children provide a convenient excuse.

This confuses me and maybe someone can explain it better.  I say this because every man would be a boomerang (MLC or not) because in every separation/divorce when kids are involved there has to be some contact for the simple purpose of scheduling visitation times, etc.  So, since my H ONLY send me an email requesting to see the kids (whenever he feels he is going to be in town) then is he really a boomerang? Shouldn't there be another name for those Hs that ONLY keep contact for the purpose of seeing the kids.  When he is supposed to arrive he sends me a text saying "I am here...tell me the time and place".  That is it.  I have never received ANY emails about how the kids are or anything else.  The only one recently was asking if we could join him on a business trip....again....boomerang or just a father who would rather spend time with his kids on his terms so that he doesn't have to change his business plans?

Thoughts?

I would try not to understand it too much, or what if, the fact remains right now he is a boomerang.
Some MLC'ers have no contact with their kids.
Some have grown kids, but all of them are depressed and crazy.
Trying to make sense of someone who is crazy is a waste of energy.
Use it instead to help out yourself!

[superdog]

what do they call it when the mcer is really only interested in contact with the lbs than he is with his kids?

My h uses contact to get to me and pays little attention to the kids but says its for them.

SD
x

[OldPilot]

what do they call it when the mcer is really only interested in contact with the lbs than he is with his kids?

My h uses contact to get to me and pays little attention to the kids but says its for them.

SD
x

CONTROLLING

still a boomerang I think

[superdog]

As its every day almost he does this, i have a new category then OP.

A Controlling clinger !

sd
x