[Standing4Myself]

Just wondering what 'standing' means to you all. Describe it in your own words.

[Anjae]

After realizing husband was in MLC a time of growth, change, healing, detachment. A time of great learning. If the marriage is going to survive, if we will be divorced and remarrie each other, if divorced i will remarry some else I don't know.

Also, a time that allows for difficult decisions to be made with a clear head.

[growing every day]

This is a good question. Standing changes as you go through the process. At first, standing was literal. I found it hard to just stand up and make it through the day. Days just seemed to meld together. Once I found this site the meaning started to change. At first I thought I was standing for my marriage and only that. I read and read and read and learned that standing was really about me. Did it sink in? Heck no. I cycled up and down so many times it was a real rollercoaster.

Time went on and I started to learn about myself. I learned that I could face a gambling addiction and stand for the healing process with that. Then I learned from that I had courage and strength. Still it didn't get through this head. I questioned almost daily what I was standing for? Still not getting it.

I am almost a year to BD. Standing for me now, means that I am standing for me an only me. Is it easy? No, not at all. I'm struggling today, sadness and feeling really anxious. But I have now embraced that this is my journey. I hope that one day my H will conquer his demons and I pray that he comes through. But standing for me now means that whether he does or not, I will be fine.

Now I stand tall when I think of how I have handled myself. Yes made many mistakes, but have learned from each and every one of them. Standing is my choice, my way of life, my obligation to myself. And I want to add..... if for what ever reason my H does not come back. I will still stand. Because in the end it's about me making myself whole, with or without him.

Standing is becoming the best person you can be, doing the next right thing for yourself and your kids. Learning to stand has given me strong legs, an empathetic and caring heart, and many new friends that I am excited to have met.

[Thundarr]

Honestly, right now I have no freaking idea.

[Standing in Patience]

This is from Charlyne Cares. Yes, I know the question is what is MY idea of standing but sometimes it is helpful to me to identify with someone else who is far more eloquent then myself so I am going to underline the parts that I agree with....


I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.

- Author Unknown

[StillStanding]

Standing is about honoring the commitment that I made to my wife to love her for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

It's about the belief that, no matter what each of us have done or allowed to happen, we can choose to commit to each other and work through the problems and the hard times.

[Mermaid]

Standing means believing my marriage has a future, even when I can't see how that will happen.

It means forgiveness, understanding, growth and acceptance of changes.

It means looking at myself, realising the part that I played in my marriage.

It means learning to be whole, accepting that I am complete without my H. He is my partner, not my other half. He has his own needs separate from mine, and vice versa.

It means that the door is not closed, even when H has slammed it shut.

[niff naff]

Standing for me means compassion, I have been through so so much anguish and sorrow, in the last two years, I cannot bear to see these feelings in other people.

I know the love I feel for him will never leave me, I have excepted this, but sometimes people dont want your love, in the mean time I will keep it safe.

Hugs

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

When you ride a rollercoaster you are told keep arms/legs inside and do not stand.     

Anyway, standing for me has meant a complete reaffirmation of the vows that I said not before God only but TO God.  I told God that I would love honor and cherish through all sickness and health (my H's mind is not healthy these days, no question about that).  I told God that I would stay by H's side richer or poorer (H spends money like it's water in these times of clinging to his youth), for better or worse.  If this ain't the "worse" I don't know what is.  I told God I would do this 'til death us do part.  I feel like death warmed over sometimes, but yep, I've still got a pulse.  I'm standing because God HATES divorce.

As days pass and I don't know what to expect from H, I try to remind myself of all of this.

[Synicca]

I Stand....because when I invision growing old without my Husband.....My Heart Hurts.