[Silmarion]

I'm curious.....

Although I've been abandoned in the marriage, the more self-processing I do, the more I feel like the Spouse who was betrayed, left etc but...not left behind.

The reason for the discussion is because I feel it makes a difference about the words we use to identify with ourselves ie victim rather than survivor and one from the UK: 'grumpy old men/women' rather than opinionated. 

So LBS - left behind....maybe at the beginning I felt this but now....LS only.  Or even recovering spouse (RS).  If we are looking for 3 letters then...NLS - non leaving spouse?   Hey, maybe we can graduate from LBS to NLS then SSS (still standing spouse!!!)


My H is so far away and has def not moved on, as far as I can see.  So who is the LBS -him or me?


Sil x

[Anjae]

They are, or they become, the LBS.

Don't feel like a LBS at all, more like an someone who overcome the fact she was part of a marriage and a LBS. So, a survivor, not a victim.

[kikki]

That's a very good point Sil.
LBS to start with for sure, but before too long, we leave the MLCer so far behind us - we do need a name change 

[Anjae]

what about Advanced Forward Spouse?

[Stillpraying]

SIL,
Other sites refer to us as BS.  Betrayed Spouse.

What about FS - Faithful Spouse!

[Anjae]

Still, betrayed spouse is fine at first or has a legal definition, in any other context it sounds awful! Glad here we do not use that.

Well, faithfull spouse is nice but, an expression that would represent what kikki said, the idea that, from a certain point on we have left the MLCer far behind, that indicates movement, IMHO would be more apropriated and more GALing. What is your opinion?

[Silmarion]

Thanks for the feedback people.


Yes, I agree - there is movement and both H and I have moved but not necessarily in the same direction.  As the name 'Replay' suggests to me, he is more on a hamster wheel movement.  Not saying I'm never on my one too, but I do certainly feel as if there is a going forward (as Annej suggests) rather than a being the last in line.

SP - you are right, I certainly felt the betrayal part (and still do) although I don't want to label myself that.

More thoughts please esp for those who really do feel like the LBS?

Sil x

[StandandDeliver]

Like you folks I felt LBS at the beginning. Now I feel that I am moving forward (MFS?) faster than H. My life is changing and progressing and I am slowly (with some back and forths) getting better/healing. I also feel that my relationship with my children is strong and moving forward, whereas he does not realise how much he has lost with them - time and bonding that he will NEVER get back, because he felt that shagging a desperate young gold-digger from the office (and living with her) was more important than working on maintaining a constant and meaningful relationship with his children - trying to work out the marriage so that the children could have him in their lives was not an option for him. If he ever realises what he threw away, I suspect that that aspect of it will be amongst the hardest damage to repair. If he never figures it out then I feel terrible that I chose him to be their father. He was not the man I imagined he was and they have always deserved better than what he has offered in the last couple of years (which is not much).

I feel that most of us on here, after some months of soul-searching, will have developed wisdom about human nature and ourselves and those around us, that leaves our MLCers in the relative dark ages. Greater Wisdom Spouse?

[stayed]

Good discussion Sil.  Goodness, not sure what we should be called.  There are some that do remain LBS's but not too darn many that I have seen.  SSS can leave out those who decide to move on and not stand, at least remain standing for their spouse.  I think most of us remain standing for ourselves, whichever way this thing ends.  Betrayed spouse, icky!  Once you know you have been betrayed, you are not being betrayed any longer, so that doesn't work.  I definitely agree about not feeling like a left behind spouse.  Once again, once I knew about the betrayal, realized he was most likely having a midlife crisis, the only person who was LEFT BEHIND was him.

How's about In Process Spouse or Spouse in Process?  Whatever, the optimism being expressed makes me smile.  Good signs of acceptance, healing and moving forward in such a jolly discussion.

hugs Stayed

[In this for ME]

How about FFS?
(fast forward spouse)