[Shantilly Lace]

Shant how come you did not felt tired with so little sleep? My husband is been working like a mad man for more than 5 years, sometimes 7 days a week, goes out a lot to party and sleeps very little. He used to need at least 8 hours sleep. I'm amazed of how much he can endure...would think that, by now, he already had been flat tired...but, no, there seems to be no end to his energy...His normal self, at this point, would had been more than exausted and on sick leave from stress burnout and exaustion.

What made you stop, Shant? Did you hit rock bottom' Became to depressed and tired do keep up with such quick pace?

I hit rock bottom pretty quickly from when I left Dearheart. Within a couple of months.  I should have been hospitalised really but I just kept going.  My depression came out as rage.  A black black burning rage.  And so I worked.  I worked long hours at night so I could be with my Ds throughout the day.  I was blessed during that time as I found a lovely grandma type lady who looked after my girls through the night. 

I worked and then would go over and over my decision in my down time.  I knew he was dating and to be honest it was a relief.  He wasn't pressuring me any more.   Although I wantd to reconcile and I knew it after my rock bottom I wasn't ready, nor was I able to.  I STILL would swing from wanting to return to being terrified.  A song would play and I would think yep and then another song right after and I would go no.
Ididn't stop working like it till I moved back in with Dearheart.
And then life started to stabilise for me.  I have never been able to work like it again but i have never experienced the black rage either.

[honour]

I compartmentalised like you wouldn't believe.

Once I returned to normalish I couldn't do it bt had no problem while depressed.

Thank you for this post SL.

honour

[honour]

Maybe that is too much info.  I don't know.

Not at all, very helpful.

honour

[honour]

  My depression came out as rage.  A black black burning rage. 

I hope you don't mind me asking but would you say this is the phase that is referred to here in this forum as Monster? Thank you for these posts, I find these insights very helpful in gaining some understanding for my W's vanishing.

honour

[Thundarr]

Thank you to Shant and Limitless especially, but also to the others for sharing your insights!!

For me, two days ago I also had trouble believing that the smiling and happy W was not the real her.  But, I was gifted with having the opportunity to have a woman in MLC bare her heart to me in a session and I cannot stress enough how amazed I was at how she was able to put on a mask within minutes of our session.  I had spoken to her and her son (my client) for about a half hour when she asked to speak to me alone.  During that session, she had been normal for all intents and purposes and talking about the client's behaviors.  I detected nothing out of the ordinary with her and she seemed content and happy while also concerned about him.

What I saw when he left the room still gives me pause.  The happy, smiling mother that I had observed for over a half hour was replaced by someone who was a total wreck! The pain she was in would have been evident even to a layperson, but I have to say the guilt, shame and pain I witnessed went far beyond any that I have dealt with as of yet.  She was extremely conflicted and depressed, and made several comments about how she "had to go and move to another state or she would die" and needed a "fresh start" despite her own admission that she had everything she wanted here.  At one time she was so sad because her kids would not be going with her, but also stating that the kids would be ok and that she would be "happy" there even though her kids were not with her.  She blamed EVERYTHING on her H, but also praised him diligently.  And as much as she was adamant that she had to get away from him and move in with the OM, she was even more adamant about how much she loved her H.  So, like LL said iin her first post, she thought that somehow what she was doing was best for both of them.  How they can view the world and those around them in this way still puzzles me even though I've been given the opportunity to witness it as an impassioned observer.

The final thing that I still can't believe is how she was able to regroup and put on a mask when I brought her son back in.  Had I not spent the last hour and a half with her then I would have NEVER known what was going on beneath the surface, and I'M FREAKING TRAINED TO READ PEOPLE!!!!!  She was so convincing that I had to ask myself if I had seen what I though I saw.  I wondered all night and still do how this woman had become such an Oscar-worthy actress within the past few months.  I've NEVER seen anyone be able to fake it like that, and in front of her own kid who doesn't pick up on it at all and thinks we spent that whole time talking about him.

[LisaLives]

SL, I very much appreciate you posting here, but wanted to point out that SL has a whole stuck thread on her fog.  I thought about posting there, but I did not feel right about posting my little rant there.  I appreciate your sharing your experience, and I wonder if my exH is more like you, than say MLC man.  Monster does seem to be just funneled into work. 

And all the other comments are so helpful.  No one else does have the perspective I have--I forget that since he doesn't really allow anyone close to him.  It makes it so hard to see so much crazy and have little validation.  And I sure do wonder about his IC.  He claims he is working so hard and she says everything is all my fault, too...  I am just so tired of the crazy--cause I can't FIX it, or make it go away, or even ignore it, it's like the Caddyshack gopher, but not cute...

[LisaLives]

Thank you Th!  Thank you so much, what are you going to do with that, though?  And why are you awake, aren't we in the same time zone?  I really want to know what his IC sees...

[Shantilly Lace]

  My depression came out as rage.  A black black burning rage. 

I hope you don't mind me asking but would you say this is the phase that is referred to here in this forum as Monster? Thank you for these posts, I find these insights very helpful in gaining some understanding for my W's vanishing.

honour

Yep most likely.    I was cold and cruel and Dearheart could not reach me.  And if he had dropped dead in front of me at first I would have stepped over him.

Lisa sorry I didn't mean to hijack.

[Thundarr]

We are in the same time zone, and I'm awake because I have a bad head cold.  I will go back and lay down in a few, if for nothing else but the fact that D10 and S6 are in my bed and it's really comforting to have them there and know they are safe. 

The client had suspected his mom had an OM, but that may have come from his adult sister.  Interestingly, the woman's mother no longer speaks to her and her daughter gave her an ultimatum (didn't work.  Go figure, huh?) about choosing her family or leaving and all she had to say was how suprised she was that they "didn't get it" and that "everyone thinks I'm crazy."  She also said that she has a friend who "thinks they're just alike" and was so depressed when she left her H that she tried to commit suicide.  She kept saying "that's never going to be me." 

[OldPilot]

I sure do wonder about his IC.  He claims he is working so hard and she says everything is all my fault, too....

LL what would you expect the IC to say to him, if the IC tell him that he is messed up then your H would stop going and stop listening to the IC, so the IC is validating what our H says.
Perfectly normal, the IC can NOT FIX your H.

Plus who is telling you what the IC is saying to your H?  Your H?  And you believe him??
Think about this a little and you might change your point of view.