Why do MLCER"S laugh at the most ridiculous times? Mine H was laughing at me the other night when I got riled up about finances because he told me he was having a consultation with a lawyer. I'm in such a vulnerable position (newborn 2 yr old and 8 yr old) that I can't help but get worked up. He laughs in the middle of our talk. OW H mentioned the same behavior when we spoke. Why do they do that?
It's a combination of things; their extreme guilt for one has a tendency to render them hysterical...and it comes out as laughter..of course, this makes the LBS that much angrier; further feeding the fire within the MLC'er; and stepping up their "justifications" for what they are doing; as the reaction of laughter turns to extreme anger spilling BACK onto the LBS...the cycle turns and turns until it breaks.
On the other hand, the very fact that they are "distanced" from what the LBS is feeling; increases their confusion; and they see the LBS reaction as hilarious....again, the reaction of anger from the LBS causes them to "mirror" the LBS to the nth degree.
The point is they are on edge, continuously...and the 'edging' they do has to come out in some way...and remember the opposites? What we don't think is even remotely funny is hilarious to them, and what we KNOW is hilarious, only serves to make them angry.
If you laugh
at them, they WILL react in anger. I did that ONE time, and got screamed at; from a man who didn't make a practice of screaming; he became hoarse for awhile after that.
A literally, by the textbook insane, person has NO feelings, and the MLC'er fits right within that description....they seem to be without a conscience, but they aren't. You just don't see it in them. Their eyes are blank, staring, wild, and they will constantly move their eyes from side to side in a restless way; never still or calm.
The MLC'ers are on total edge like never before, a half-step away from total insanity; and I learned a LONG time ago that when you deal with crazy people, the less said the better...I had to regain that perspective when my husband was going through, but it took awhile, as it'd been a LONG time since I had dealt with someone who was actually insane....my mother.
He acted JUST like she had acted in personality(and I KNEW she'd been off the deep end)...completely out of touch with reality..and the more I said, and cried, the worse it got; and YES, I did deal with him laughing at my tears....it struck me SO hard that I thought I was going to have a total breakdown; and I nearly did. I kept thinking his behavior looked SO familiar, and realized I HAD seen it before within my mother.
So, I spent some time pulling out the tools I had put away a long time ago; that I'd used to deal with her.....and I found they worked well on my husband while he was in the pit of total insanity...the bottom line is such that you say no more than you have to say..it's akin to walking on eggshells, and walking a tightrope.
You make yourself as scarce as possible...yet, even then, they can and will pick on you when you least expect it...I've been there, too.
The truly insane person gets fixated on ONE thing, and won't let it go...they are never at peace; and it beats at your psyche constantly.
You don't sleep well at night, because you never know if you're going to get dragged out of the bed either in the middle of night or early in the morning to take a beating(I did NOT have to worry about this with my husband at all; but this happened with my mother)
If I cried, my mother laughed at me, said my tears didn't bother her...sound familiar? She wasn't in her right mind..and somehow I'd known that as a teenager.
I'd had to survive the verbal and physical abuse of my mother, any way I could; and I used these same tools to deal with my husband in his temporary insanity.
I'm illustrating these things for a reason; there's NOT much difference between the truly insane and the MLC'er; the ONLY difference is, that the insanity won't last forever in them..but in the truly insane, there is NO help except meds that actually can cause them to walk like zombies; yet, as long as they take their meds, they will no longer be dangerous.
You can see the similarities, and it is SO hard to tell the difference; unless you've seen/dealt with it before....and I realize the majority of you haven't.........and I HOPE you never have to deal with anything like this ever again in anyone else; family or otherwise.
It is NOT an easy road to walk, and the tightrope is a narrow one.
See, I'd been schooled in this type of survival; and was reminded of this much later in a more clear way. I had to recondition myself to SURVIVE; just as I'd had been conditioned that way before I let home. I'd tucked away these tools around two years after I married, as I'd not needed them with my husband....yet, when he went into the tunnel...it took me some time to realize what I needed to do to cope with it.
Boundaries don't work, so you survive mentally; by continuing to remember that they are NOT the people you once knew...quietly watching; and staying still as much as possible, as you don't want to catch their attention and be dragged into an altercation.
As long as I remembered these things, I was fine...but, sometimes, I would "slip" and forget...and an altercation would commence for a time.
Later on, however as he was languishing in the stage of Withdrawal, I was moved TOWARD him to hold him accountable, and that scared me senseless...that's another story entirely, and I've told that one somewhere on OP's thread.
The point is, you can't spend time figuring out WHY they do some of the crazy things they do; I've been on the total edge of insanity myself; and almost committed suicide over it.
In a short period of time, I realized that no one was worth dying over.....and I used a mixture of survival tools to cope with the ongoing situation.
The best new ones that I learned, were DETACHMENT and DISTANCING from the drama as a whole.
The only reason I'm writing in such detail is for guidance and understanding...I know what it's like to try and figure out something you don't understand.
On the other, there WILL be questions you won't ever get an answer for, and you need to leave those at the feet of God to deal with...as some things are NEVER understood..and most answers come in the form of "Well, this is according to the MLC Script, and they ALL say/do these things."
That doesn't mean they actions/words are understood, but when you KNOW it's attributed to the MLC; it eases your mind; knowing YOU did NOT cause these things to happen, nor did you deserve them at all.
Everyone fails in some way, but that does NOT mean you deserve what's happening or what's happened to you....you just have to look and see what you need to learn out of it, walk that journey, learn that lesson, and get on with it.
All the explanations in the world won't help you if you get "stuck" within his MLC; and refuse to move forward with your life in spite of what's happening.
I explain things, if I can, and I when I see an opportunity to do so, because I remember where I was when it all started; as long as no one would answer my questions, I would NOT budge..but when I started getting answers; I started thinking a little more clearly.
It took me THREE months to get a handle on the situation, and realize what I was going to have to do to progress forward...and even then, MORE questions came up, and, in time, my understanding increased.
In turn, I have tried to pass these things on to others for their learning/understanding.
I know it's hard to get your head around all of it; and so it is never done at one time....usually when someone is ready to hear and try to absorb another piece of understanding; a question will come about to be answered....and that is OK..it worked the SAME way with me.
Each person's understanding/comprehension doesn't come all at the same time; it comes mostly in pieces; the "lightbulb" coming on when the time is right, and they begin to "get it".
I'm 8 years or more out of this, and I STILL learn things from the various aspects of MLC...there are areas that I've NEVER seen, and I have to ask the Lord to show me what to say in these type areas.
Anyway, take care of yourselves AND your children....you and those children are the MOST important people, and must SURVIVE this; regardless of what comes in the future.
Enjoy the day, for this is the day the LORD hath made for all people......Sing a new song unto the Lord all ye people, for He is most Worthy of our praise.......For He is the Lord, an ever present help in time of greatest need..........Our trials and tribulations are hard, but rejoice, for the Lord continues to be with us throughout..............You will have troubles and trials in this life, but be of good cheer, for GOD has overcome the world.
Much love to all of you,
HB
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Laughing during MLC