[missybuddha]

I have been form filling for a new job today and they want my next of kin. Legally it is my h but I ran this by my sister (a consultant in ITU) and she said would my h be acting in MY best interests at the moment re medical treatment etc? well, no. and it got me thinking......
  What have you done in these circumstances?
And have you changed your will at all?
thx, missyb.

[justasking]

My H is still my next of kin at the moment although I am considering chging my next of kin on my pension plans. But his mobile is still on the forms at work so maybe I need to change those as well and make my D23 first contact.

It is something I have not considered and maybe I should. I know that should any major decisions be made my grown up children will be part of that.

Maybe more thinking on my part needed.

xx

[missybuddha]

....Well, we are separated not legally but it was my sister who pointed out that should I need someone to advise in the case of a medical emergency would I want my h to make decisions? really? I would want him to informed as we have children; I shall probably make her my next of kin for now. Feels like a big step.

[LisaLives]

I consulted my attorney about this early in the process and he was the one who advocated a quick divorce for my financial protection.  He said that in his opinion, cases like ours get worse before they get better and there is a certain period where they are still in enough shock that they are likely to be docile and willing to give more. 

He also said there is no telling how strong or influential the OW will become or how financially irresponsible he might get.  I know that flies in the face of everything here but I think it was good advice.  We don't own much, but I do think I got a better settlement than I would have if I had waited until she was more firmly entrenched. 

Plus, he said there is no sense in creating a new will until after the divorce.  There is a legal construct called an elective share--a legal spouse is entitled to their elective share of a deceased partner's estate no matter what is in the will.  It's 1/3 in most states.  So, he said, if something were to happen to me in the "process" all my estate would transfer to him and upon their marriage she would have rights to half of it.  That was enough to convince me that I did need to take care of the legal divorce and worry about "standing" or any kind of emotional divorce later, once I knew my kids would be taken care of in the event of my demise...

It does all suck, but standing and covenants aside, everyone should protect themselves and their kids first.
I did change my medical directives and POA immediately, but really, I was less worried about that--no matter what has happened to him, he would make good medical choices for me--I believe that, but financially, it's a much bigger crapshoot...  But that's just MHO...     

[wondering]

I actually never thought of changing unless we divorce.  Even when in the worst of Replay my H was concerned for my health. I had a mammogram scare and he called my mother (a nurse) to ask questions. I also believe, he would act on my wishes in situation on whether to pull the plug say in a brain dead situation. My mother would have me on life support forever, visiting everyday in a nursing home if she had her way...not my wishes. But my H was never been the monster that I have read about on here. He has never cut me off financially in anyway. Strangely, if we divorce, since he is retired, I would get his pension and social security whether we divorce or not. He can not change them since he is already retired. He would probably get some of my pension but I can still change my beneficiary's since I'm still working. It does remind me that I really don't have a will and should make one out.

[Silmarion]

Oh so, so interesting....I've only just posted on Voyager's re the finance sitch as it is something in the forefront of my mind. 
Although at present h is the emergency, next of kin etc the reality is - should he be?  if I was coming from my empathic, emotional place, I'd make every reason to leave it as it is.  However, as much as I don't want to look at it, h is in another R and I don't want my child or my 'family' destroyed financially because of it.  I'm researching what I need to change in order for self preservation.  I'd prefer not to but alas....


Sil x

[Tryingforhope]

We have been separated since Labor Day - he left the house and moved into his mother's house (she's in assisted living).  I hadn't thought of changing anything - should I?  I don't even know what I want at this point...I've tried to get my H to go to counseling to talk about why he left, what's going on, etc...He goes back and forth about what he wants, needs, etc.  He said leaving was so he could get space, to reevaluate the situation, but now I've been reading and rereading posts that advocate doing things that financially protect me and my boys, even if there is a chance of getting back together.  I have to believe there is and the "fling" he's had and him moving out is just a phase.  I don't know what to do. And where to begin...

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

I left my H as next of kin for everything but dropped life insurance; no way would I want my death funding his Replay madness.

[MsZing]

I have one of my adult sons as next of kin. My H is and was totally unreliable!.

In an emergency no one would get hold of him as he has his phone off in the day while he sleeps and at night( all night) he  is in clubs and cant hear the phone

[Phoenix]

I have changed next of kin and also beneficiary to daughter on certain financial pieces even though we are not yet even legally separated.  My daughter needs to be covered and taken care of if something were to happen to me. I do not want H and OW financially benefiting from my demise, or OW being tempted to make sure I have an "accident" since I am an inconvenience in her fantasy.  Also, keep in mind that in many states, having a spouse listed to act on your behalf in medical and legal matters is null and void if you are divorced or there is evidence of separation. 

It was recommended to me that next of kin, power of attorney, living will info., etc. be updated and that the name of someone I feel is entirely trustworthy to act in my objective and true best interest (with no associated drama or potential ulterior motive) be designated for the duration of the MLC process to its conclusion.  Frankly, that sounds the wisest and most reasonable decision.  This is not about loving an MLC spouse or indicative of ones commitment to them or to standing. This is about making the best decisions for ourselves and our children in difficult times.
Phoenix