[With Gods Help!]

http://diariesofanadulterer.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2005-01-01T00:00:00%2B03:00&updated-max=2006-01-01T00:00:00%2B03:00&max-results=11

 5yrs worth of blog...........it will be interesting to see how these 2 work out in the end?? xxxxxxxxxxx

[LisaLives]

How do you know he's MLC?  I think she was obviously on the prowl, but he was just sex-starved.  Having sex twice in a year is kinda sad...  So he fell for the first girl who would put on a red dress and give him a bj...  But, he's a good writer and it's an interesting story...

[readytofixmyselffirst]

First of all, it is really sick. He tries to say it is not about sex, but it is. I have not read the rest, but if he was that unhappy, leave your wife and kids. Don't play that game with people.

MLC or not, I don't think it is fair to blame your marital problems for your affair. I mean, I could have financial problems, but robbing a bank is not a good solution. The judge may even feel sorry for me, but in the end, he is going to send me to jail.

Just my two cents.

Lisa- twice in a year? Ha. How about none in over two years? Big baby!

[NoRegrets]

Aw, I don't know if it's only about the sex. His OW does a good job of paying attention to what he says, and doing everything fantastically right.

Blonde hair, red shoes, dropping by the hotel room?

Not sure I believe the story. It sounds like a made-up fantasy.

I know part of the MLC script is to throw the LBS under the bus. For LBS's who are wives, we "never" had sex with the H. Of course, they were doting and exciting men that an ordinary woman wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of, looking good, smelling good, always peeing directly into the toilet they just scrubbed, always getting all sorts of stuff done around the house before all the nagging would start, never laying around playing video games--why the wife never had to lift a finger but refused to have sex with him.

*cough!*bull$h!te!*cough!*

Anywho, I'm not buying this guy's story. I think it's made up.

If it's true, and his wife really only had sex with him twice a year? That's not cool, and I don't think a man should have to put up with that, either.

Isn't he sort of stuck, though?  He's just supposed to leave her and his kids? Some men are just desperately unhappy trying to do the right thing and I do believe there are wives who are cruel or otherwise really miserable to be married to.  What's a good guy supposed to do?

I'm not excusing the behavior. But I can see it happening. I have friends who admit to me they never have sex with their husbands. Ever! That's not right.

[moc]

Sorry to chime in on the sex...or lack thereof.  My first marriage...before we were married we were like rabbits.  After we were married I can count on 1 hand (not fully on 2 hands) the number of times we had sex in 3 years.  So I can't say "never" but you might as well say it.  And my XW dumped/divorced me.  Haven't read the blog all the way through, but my current marriage/wife/MLCer...not the same...sex is the complete opposite as it always has been. 

[With Gods Help!]

Hi lisa i didn't say it was MLC i said ?? i was looking at the ages of both these people......o/w 35 and the man was 40 both married...........both getting a divorced.....i also read where the wife just gave him the Divorce no arguments i wondered if she was a LBS already on one of these sites......i don’t care who you are when a man drops the bomb its a shock and you want answers.....the wife just went ahead with it wanting assets etc sorting out................. and i do believe for some men they think sex is love .........shes meeting one of his needs and it may be the teenager in him that thinks sex for him equates to love mmmmmmmmmmm i don’t know but i will see how it all unfolds xxxxxxxx

[LisaLives]

I hope I didn't sound argumentative, I just always wonder if other people can tell MLC--since I still question every day.  I agree with SOIC, though, that it reads like a fantasy--a screenwriter or novelist experimenting on a memoir-like blog...  OW is perfect, and the wife is so "NOT" anything, not even really portrayed as a person... 

And it's sad really, he had to have an affair after 23 years of marriage before he could have sex three times in one night--that's sad.  I have sympathy for a man that spent that long in a marriage with no oral or non-missionary sex.  And it may have taken him a long time to realize what he got himself into.  AND he tried to get her to open up, but she wouldn't.  She had to know she was lucky to have kept him for 23 years.  Love, sex, marriage, it's all tough stuff.  And clearly, he was cheated. 

Not to say that he handled it the right way--but I think he was wrestling with his loyalty.  He didn't want to be the kind of man who would ditch his family for sex, but when it dropped in his lap...  That's why openness and honesty are so important.  And I do wonder how any couple wedded to the idea of waiting until marriage deals with it when they realize that sexually they are not on the same page.  I do think sex is important--and this is a very compelling read.     

[wkramer]

The blog referred to is mine. (I found my way here after I looked into the spike in people reading my blog)

I don't know where to start really. Six and a bit years into our relationship, and having just celebrated our first wedding anniversary, and I still don't know what to tell you all!

I suppose I'd like to tell you that I'm sorry for all the pain we caused people. Some of you (maybe the majority?) will choose not to believe that. That doesn't mean it isn't true.

So working my way down from the top:

LisaLives: I don't know how to react to the description of my wife and mother of our wonderful daughter as "on the prowl". Perhaps I'll just ignore it. I didn't fall for the first girl who "would put on a red dress and give me a BJ". I fell for a fabulous intelligent woman and eventually I concluded I couldn't live without her. I still feel like that about her.

readytofixmyselffirst: I would say I'm sorry you find my story "sick" but I'm not sorry. As you say you haven't even read my blog so how on earth can you say it is only about sex? It wasn't. It isn't. It never was.

StartingOverInCali: It isn't made up (although there are a few personal details removed). And I wasn't always doting, exciting, looking good (although I hope I was always smelling good!), cleaning the toilet immediately after peeing, and I was always crap at housework. I also worked far too hard.

With Gods Help!: I was 40 and Anna was 32 (not 35 as you wrote). Perhaps it wasn't a shock to my ex-wife because we'd already lived more-or-less separate lives for several years. I don't understand the reference to assets but let me assure you my ex-wife left with her fair share of all our assets. And sex isn't love. I know the difference.

LisaLives: Totally confused by this idea that it's a fantasy. I won't say what I do for a living but I am not (and have no interest in being) a screenwriter or novelist.

I'm not proud of what we both did. But that is very different to saying that I wouldn't do the same things again. I would. I love her.

If you have questions I might answer them so feel free to ask. I'd also like to thank you all for not leaving abusive comments on my blog. I try to leave all the comments there but the really unpleasant ones I have to remove.

[With Gods Help!]

Hi wkramer sorry i must have read 35 somewhere and assumed that was her age (32 still fits the criteria for a MLC).......... and as for the assets i didn’t mean anything by that what i meant was your wife just went ahead sorting things out.......if you read anyone’s story on here you will see how other spouses reacted to there bomb-drop..........many do not do that unless they’ve seen the signs and found a site.......where they are advised to let the spouse go........this site does not advocate this but many others do...........reading your blog you seem to fit the bill for MLC.......age, younger woman. sex. etc so can you see how this can be seen also.............it will be interesting to see what happens later.........can i ask what does marriage mean to you...............do you believe in GOD,,,,,im not asking to have a go im just curious ........do you ever feel guilty for cheating on your ex-wife..........do you feel GOD accepts adultery .........do you believe in KARMA .......xxxxxxx

[LettingGo]

WKramer...

I have a question for you out of curiosity... well.. maybe even a couple of questions, and like I say to my husband, you don't have to answer out loud.. I just want to ask them as they may be things you haven't thought of, and for the record, I'm not trying to "teach a lesson" or whatever... just asking...


It could be that you never experience feelings of drudgery and sameness with your newer wife, but if you do, or if there is unimagined tragedy in your life that causes extreme stress, do you think you will bail on the marriage with her, or are there any lessons learned from regret from the cheating on your first wife? The reason I ask is... I cheated on my first husband with my second husband.... yep.... and I justified it with "it's fate, it's not sexual yet... just emotional cheating.... the first marriage was an unfortunate mistake, yada, yada..." but I now feel very differently... BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO ME and my kids. And while I feel it was going to end up this way NO MATTER WHAT, I also believe that my current husband and I are together SPECIFICALLY to learn how devastating cheating is to ALL involved.. including the cheater. In fact, I feel VERY strongly about my own lack of character and the reasons for it.. much like an alcoholic drinks to avoid FOO issues or whatever.... I was not a serial cheater. I had my standards, LOL!! BUT, I "followed my heart" thinking that what someone doesn't know won't hurt them.

My second question is..... have you ever thought how you would feel or react if your current wife "fell in love" with someone else? What if you aren't always meeting her needs? What if she hits midlife and "issues" come up for her and her coping skills are to RUN into the arms of another "more perfect" man? What if she woke up one morning and told you she wasn't happy and it was all your fault and she had met someone else.... what if she told you it's NOT your fault... that she "didn't MEAN for it to happen... but it did and she can't help her feelings..."? Many people feel that relationships are not MEANT to last a lifetime.. that it is best to enjoy each other until it's not good anymore and then move on to greener pastures. Perhaps you legitimately feel this way? Would you give her a free pass to check out of your marriage in order to "find happiness" or would you QUESTION her sanity at that point? WOuld you wonder "WTH is going on? You never gave me a clue anything was wrong? WHy not tell me and give me a chance? Why throw away a marriage for some FLING???". Again, I'm honestly just curious... and for the record, I haven't read your blog. Your life is yours to live, not mine.

But you did come here and tell us we could ask anything... we who have been devastated by our spouses sudden choices.... KNOWING something just isn't right about the scenario they paint... and seeing WITH OUR OWN EYES after a period of time, that they admit they were LOST in chaos for a( that they sometimes go to great lengths to change to be more like US.....) HOPING it will SOLVE THEIR ISSUES and baggage they're not even aware of.... but discovering they have hooked up with DAMAGED women or men with a lot of "issues" of their own....

So.... I'm just asking you.... a man who doesn't believe Mid-Life had anything to do with his choices, and probably is telling the truth. But, I just wonder if what you are telling us is, you love your wife so much, that the end justifies the means, and you wouldn't change a thing? I know we can't change our past... BUT, we can learn from them.. and in my OWN personal situation, I DO regret my choices... even if it led me to my husband and our children..... many things could have been handled in a more honorable way, so FOR ME, I cannot honestly say the end has justified the means, and I DO love him very much.... the only reason I wouldn't change a thing is because I CAN'T.

Thanks for stopping by... LG