[Standing in Patience]

So a while back there was a mention of the possible link of the length of spouse's mlc to the length of the relationship, partnership, marriage. One month of replay for each year together. So for instance if I have been married to h for 31 years then the possible length of replay would be close two and half years. I'm not at all close to that; hate for it to last that long but I am SIP afterall.

So curious about lbs' response to this. Sorry couldn't find the original thread. Maybe one of the mod could locate it for me??? And then link it?

I'm 18 months in replay and h is still active as ever. Yup, still in replay.

How about you???

[With Hope]

Hey SiP.  Interesting topic. I've read someplace about the one month per year of marriage but heck if we're calculating one month per year of something...just relationship overall and not just years married makes more sense. Plus it gives me about 5 more weeks of replay and my H should hit the next level!!! I've already passed the number of years married so going for the 16 years together!!  Oh how I wish that theory would prove true!!  Of course I'm basing my calculations on the amount of time since BD. Has no one come up with a MLC vaccine yet??? Geez. MY PATIENCE is running thin!

[unbroken]

We were married 3 years 3 months at BD.  He's been gone 4 years 5 months.

[Faith]

Hmm...interesting.  I've been married for 20 years and it's been 33 months since BD.  H is still in crazy replay with no glimmers of emerging yet.

[kikki]

Together 25 years, married 20 years, 24 months since BD - glimmers of hope three months ago - now cycling wildly between saying the alienator is gone, and it all being back on with the alienator and in full on replay

[limitless]

I'm not sure where you got the statistic or idea that the amount of time in MLC was related to the length of the marriage.  MLC has to do with unresolved childhood issues - NOT the marriage.  Thus, I don't think the amount of time married impacts the length of the MLC.

I remember reading that the amount of time it takes to get over the break up of a marriage/relationship IS related to the length of the marriage/relationship.  One month for every year.....but, again, I don't know where I heard that.

L

[kikki]

I'm not sure where you got the statistic or idea that the amount of time in MLC was related to the length of the marriage.

Limitless - I'm pretty sure Michele Weiner Davis references it somewhere on the DB website.

I remember reading that the amount of time it takes to get over the break up of a marriage/relationship IS related to the length of the marriage/relationship.  One month for every year.....but, again, I don't know where I heard that.

I've read that somewhere too - not sure where?
Also have read somewhere, about a much longer time frame.  Can't for the life of me remember what the formula was - but I do remember working it out, and getting the answer, that it would take me 6 or 7 years, to get over our 25 year relationship.
I remember this, because I thought - that felt about right to me. 



EDIT - This is something I have written, don't know where I read it at. But I agree with Limitless and Kikki.
OldPilot

[Trustandlove]

Hi, all,

I don't think any such statistics can help much; in the beginning it is something to grasp on to, however every time I have tried to do that it has absolutely and totally backfired.  It's just going to take as much time as it is going to take.   And that can be a lot longer than a formula. 

And then there is the very great danger that when that particular point in time passes and the MLCer isn't "on schedule", it can set the LBS way back, wondering what on earth is going on.  What's going on is MLC. 

I my case replay, as far as I can tell, has also been going on for much, much  longer than what such a formula would say. 

There are just too many factors involved.  Some to do with the MLCer; some to do with other circumstances, some to do with things that happen along the way, you name it. 

I also know that way back, when I went through my own period of behaving very badly, it took me around 6 years....    and I was too young for any such formulas to apply.  So it just takes what it takes. 

[limitless]

I'm not sure where you got the statistic or idea that the amount of time in MLC was related to the length of the marriage.

Limitless - I'm pretty sure Michele Weiner Davis references it somewhere on the DB website.

Well, I am confused by that "statistic."  If the MLC is NOT caused by the marriage - why would the length of the marriage/relationship have anything to do with the length of time the MLCer is in the crisis? 

That really makes no sense to me - whatsoever.

I know that I am trying to put some "logic" to this illogical mess that is MLC......Don't know why I would be doing that?   

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

My H and I have been together for 18 years, married for 12 of those years.

BD was last March but I've been thinking about it and he was in a BAD mood in February.

Replay doesn't seem to show any signs yet of letting up.  I guess I will know when he is beginning to act bored with it, or tired of it, or starts telling me more of what is going on whenever he is out on his own these days.

His childhood was reasonably happy but complicated (tv movie-of-the-week complicated).

The way he has been since BD it's difficult for me to imagine Replay ending anytime soon.