[Anjae]

Trustandlove, I made this thread to remind myself of how my husband was pre-crisis. Was having trouble remembering him…it was so long a go that he left…

Mine, like many of our spouses, was also my best friend. He become everything he was not and enhanced is worst traits. He was stubborn, now he is obstinate.

Glimmer, like with you and your husband, everyone also thought we were the perfect couple.

[With Gods Help!]

My h was good husband and dad......... at times he had problems but he sorted them out with my support and became the h i always knew he could be.......he was good cook, very affectionate, worshiped the ground i walked on, would record himself singing songs and dedicate them to me...would sing on karaoke and every song was about how he felt towards me......was always thoughtful and would drop me and pick me up from places anytime of the day...he was a good lover and always put my needs before his own.....was a good listener and always liked to cuddle he didn't get much of them growing up ........would attend all the kids activities, he was my best friend and still claims to be..we both have the same sense of humor and laugh at the same things....he as a great smile and i miss that always seems forced these days  ......when we split everyone was in shock because they too thought we were the perfect couple.......i cried whilst writing this because i was beginning to forget all this and this reminded me of why i stand  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   

[nesquick2]

wgh  you bought tears to my eyes  loved your post

my hubby  first thing he made me laugh loads. i miss his dry humour and cuddles so much. a normal working class guy who went without for the kids and me. he really put me on a pedastool and made me feel like a queen. people said we mirrored each other. a lot of people cryed when hubby left. i love his smile and twinkle blue eyes. he was a real hands on bloke. we just mucked in together and laughed away our troubles.i miss that when i falled asleep i could feel him kiss my head and call me babe. i to miss kissing him and snuggling up in bed. oh what a thread. im not going to cry though. life goes on and what will be will be. memories are what we got guys for now anyways  time will tell 

[Anjae]

Yes, nesquick, for now all we got are memories. In my case even those were fading away. Given that when the ones who return will most likely not be the same man/woman they were before the crisis memories may well be all we’ll have left from pre-crisis spouse. Hope not, hope that they manage to incorporate part of their former selves within the person post-crisis.

[Trustandlove]

Yes, AnneJ and Gllimmer, everyone, including me, also thought we were the ideal couple.  A good foil for one another, always created an atmosphere of love (people actually said that they felt that in our house....) and so on.

I know what you mean about it being so long ago; in my case I've seen bits of "him" come back out from time to time, but for the last year or so he really is a completely different person.  I very much hope that this is one of the "many personalities that they may show while in the tunnel", rather than the final product....  I am conscious that what he shows some people isn't what he shows me, and so on, but yes, I too hope that the person I know and love is still in there, and that the good parts will still be there....

It's good to remember this. 

[wondering]

It's weird we too were thought of as the ideal couple. We were always together, laughing, sailing together, best friends. People always admired that we still looked in love after all these years. It really scared a lot of our friends when they saw us fall apart so quick and him turn into a different not so nice person..they gave him a lot of sh*t about it. I see some of it coming back ...whether it all does remains to be seen.

[BonBon]

Ditto on the "ideal couple".

Mine was protective, sensitive, sentimental, compassionate, sweet.

None of those while in replay.

Now I would say he is sentimental and often sweet.  Still waiting for those other traits though...

[LoveMeMyself]

I'm joining the "ideal couple" sentiment.  ALL of our friends, family and others who knew us/saw us together were very complimentary of how happy we seemed and how great we looked together.  We were always together; happy, smiling, holding hands, laughing......we shared everything.  My exH was very compassionate, loving, funny, smart, caring, considerate, sweet, generous........etc., etc. etc.  He was always thoughtful towards others.  He didn't complain or seem to get upset about anything.  But then, MLC struck.  He changed into some other person.......so unrecognizable.  Now, it's hard to say.  I don't see him but I have talked to him.  He will crack a joke once in a while and seems to be his old self again, but then there are the times that he seems to go back to being that stranger.  I've noticed that he has been a little more defensive than he used to be.  Maybe it's part of the "new" him.  Who knows.

[With Hope]

Had to comment because my words to describe my H are so similar/same as most here...fun (life of the party), generous, caring, compassionate, silly, driven, smart, family-focused, loving...that ALL changed.  Everyone used to LOVE being in our house too...everyone said that it felt so warm and loving.  We didn't have the nicest or biggest house out of our friends-group, but our parties and get togethers were ALWAYS the most attended events.  We were considered to be the ideal couple too and were the conduits who connected many of our friends.  We were "the couple"! 

EVERYONE was shocked...even my D2's pediatrician almost fell in the floor when I told her (after she asked where my daughter's "sweet daddy" was at a routine appointment just after H moved out).  Her response was of utter shock and she said "I definitely didn't have you two on my radar for that...and I've been at this for a couple of decades, so can usually see these things coming just from interactions in the office"!! 

NUTS.

[Anjae]

In the 20 years we were together, we saw many couples separate/divorce. My husband always used to say he was  afraid of asking people about their girlfriend/boyfriend wife/husband because of the so many times he had heard “we are separated/broke/divorce”. He always used to ask me “are we the only two that are going to stay together?”. I used to say “so it seems…” Now it hardly seem like we are the two that were/are going to stay together for ever…

Almost 5 and a half years since he left, nearly five since I return to our home town and 3 plus since he is a vanisher. Combining my coming back home with his vanishing and it really was all a long time ago…I need to do a tremendous memory effort to remember us as a couple.

My husband has a public life so, now and then, I get to see is name mentioned in some paper/magazine/news-culture website. A few times there are photos. About a month ago there was one. He looks terrible. Like he had fall on a dust bin and sleep on it for a week. Bags under his eyes, dead eyed, his face looks swollen. He has turned to wear trendy hipster youngish expensive clothes. Looking at the photo he is scruffy, his beard and goatee in need of a cut. If you told me that was a homeless person that consumes heavy doses of alcohol I would has say “yes”.

What a sad thing to become…  It is like he is looking worse and worse as time goes by but he insist on leading that crazy lifestyle of his. Will he ever get out of it? it remains to be seen…