[BonBon]

It seems to be a common theme that many of us were part of "that" couple.  Strange, isn't it?
I hope my cynism will wane as well.  I honestly don't want that for anyone and every time I see a new person here, my heart sinks yet again. 

I'm trusting those who have reconciled completely that it can be better and that somehow, going through all this ultimately strengthened their relationship but I'm not even close that yet and the forest is still much too dense.  I know that I myself am stronger...and wiser...but I would not say "better".

I remember when my H used to say "I want to have the best marriage of anyone we know".  And we seemed to at the time.  I was almost embarrassed when people would express their envy of us.
So due to that, there is no way I have faith in any relationship that it won't blow up.  I'm not saying they all will...thankfully probably just a small percentage.  But how to predict who will have to endure this in the future?  Who knows.

I've told my H that if we split up, I would NEVER marry again and in fact, I could not see myself even dating.  No thanks.  I'm quite fine on my own...was before, would be again.  That's not what I prefer but I don't believe in the fairytale any more and again, the ends have not justified the means as yet so that would be my choice if we didn't stick together.  I've had enough romantic heartbreak for a life time, thanks, I'm full.

Bon 

[With Hope]

Last Sat night, picking up a few groceries...eveyone was there as a couple..yes...pangs....walking, couples out walking talking, sitting in church, so many couples and families...yes I suffer from couple envy too...very much but it's not just being "any couple".....I want what may never be mine....the couple that like you, everyone thought had the greatest relationship.........

Same thoughts for me...I went from being "that couple" to being that person who yearns to be "that couple".  Happy little families with their babies and little kids and well, me and D2 with no fun parental interaction. Just pure stinks. 

[Mamma Bear]

   Always remember...... Nothing is as it seems.   Jan 24th 2011 I went to a Beatles tribute with my H. We held hands and  the Ds came with us. Afterwards we went out for pizza and laughed and drove home talking while the Ds slept in the back of the minivan.
 Now I find out he slept with Bowser on Jan 19th bc I pushed him away.
 No I don't envy anyone. I just get teary when I see a movie and I see a look of love between two people....but I see that same look every other weekend when H comes over to pick up the Ds and it's US!   

[BonBon]

You're right MB...nothing is as it seems.
Remember when you are envying others that you just don't know...I believe this is an important part of taking off the rose colored glasses and dismissing the fairy tales in all aspects of life.
Don't get me wrong...I LOVED the fairy tale and I hope others have it but there are no guarantees for anyone...at all.

My parents seemed like that couple too...and they had a 60 plus year marriage, no cheating, no drama.  But the reality was that it was a marriage of my father ruling EVERYTHING, and my mother never making waves about anything.  Frankly, I wouldn't want that either but people would tell my mom all the time how lucky she was.  I guess she was...if you don't mind being ruled and taking insults here and there and living with a difficult person.  Nothing is as it seems...great mantra MB.

Bon

[Mamma Bear]

  That's an HB Mantra.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

One time I noticed a couple in a shopping center parking lot who were talking to one another, touching and hugging often.  I saw they were both wearing scrubs, and so I assumed they had jobs at the same medical facility.  I found it sweet until I wondered why they were parked to themselves in that lot rather than the lot at the place where they worked, or one of their homes or something.  They looked like a couple of kids at school leaned up against a locker and looking around every now and again to see if a hall monitor was headed their way.  I would be shocked if it wasn't a workplace affair.
Far as couple envy goes yes I get that, most of the time I feel it at church.  Makes it a struggle for me to keep going.  I sort of feel like there must be something wrong with me, to have chosen a man who was eventually going to reject me (temporarily or not) and all these other people were able to choose spouses that stay married and happy.

[LoveMeMyself]

I am enjoying reading the postings on this thread.  I think it's a good topic.  My exH and I were also at one time "that couple".  We really had a wonderful marriage.......honestly, we only had one big argument and it didn't last long.  Of course, we had only been married 5 years when BD hit.  Even my ex mentioned that fact several times in conversations in the past.......we are/were so compatible.  Of course, at BD we were anything BUT compatible. 

We had a nice home, vehicles, vacation property, purchased a lot to build our dream home.........all thrown away!  We were very comfortable as he and I both had retired from other jobs and started second jobs.  We had 2 retirement checks and 2 regular paychecks........we weren't wealthy by any means......but very comfortable and we could afford whatever we wanted.  Life was good.......maybe too good.  It boggles the normal thinking persons mind how this could happen.......doesn't it?  Maybe we all see a common "factor" in our situations.....we were all truly that "envied" couple.  Such a shame and such a waste.  Makes me wonder "why"?  That is the million dollar question.

[Mamma Bear]

 Lovemyman, BC of issues that happened to our beloveds before we even MET THEM!

[LoveMeMyself]

Hi, Wed.......you were posting at the same time as me.  I've seen that same exact type of scene......it reminds me of a few times my exH and I would be out somewhere and I'd see something like that and I'd point them out to him.  I'd say something like, "bet they are not married to each other....maybe having an affair".  He'd ask "how do you know"...........and I'd say, "women just know these things".  Now that I think on it........this probably could have very easily happened prior to BD.  Funny how you just don't realize what's going on until it happens. 

I also struggle big time in Church.  At first, I would get so upset that I would nearly get up and walk out.  I'd force myself to stick with it.  It has gotten easier........I try to focus on the sermon and not so much on the other couples.  Sometimes though, I end up sitting totally alone.........not even one stranger sitting next to me.  I don't really have any "friends" at Church........just speak and smile at the same ones most of the time.

My parents are still married.........happily??  Not exactly........my dad is a tyrant........he controls EVERYTHING........my mom just "is"..........many times in my youth I had wondered why she stayed.  He was very abusive (mainly verbal) toward my mom throughout my youth.......I vaguely remember some minor physical abuse.  I now believe that perhaps my dad had a MLC..........he never left home.  I was divorced with two kids when this happened so I can't exactly recall his age..........the "girl" was younger than ME!  It was so sickening.  I do not know how my mom managed to survive it. My mom was working as a full time nurse and she had the late shift during this time.  My dad would meet up with this "girl" and spend all kinds of money on her.  I actually had an encounter with her (my mom had me pick her up at work and we waited for my dad to drop the girl off at her house before he was scheduled to pick my mom up from work).  Anyway, it was a nasty scene.  I don't remember how long it lasted but years later my dad was told by a 'friend' that she had committed suicide.  I knew she had issues and that just proved it.  So, my parents are still married.........happy doesn't fit.

[LoveMeMyself]

Mamma Bear.........I know, you are right.  I have a son........not married but it makes me wonder what issues he may have that I caused.......I practically raised both my kids alone.....even though their dad was in their lives.  I believe my daughter is having her own crisis now. She was married for 9 years (no kids), left her husband in August '11, divorced by Oct. '11 and is now ENGAGED!!  She has been in contact with an old ex boyfriend from high school.........he's been married/divorced twice with two kids.