I've never had couple envy, but on one occasion last summer, I did get really sad as I listened to all the happily married couples around me talk about their vacation plans. My H rarely seemed to want to get away or make plans together--he didn't have the patience, and we were spending a lot of money on a second home that he wanted, so money wasn't easily available for big trips for the five of us. We did take vacations, and they were lovely, but not often planned together, and not taken as often as I would have liked. Early after BD, I would have given ANYTHING to get away with my H, and knowing that he was vacationing with OW was shattering. It makes me super sad thinking about that now.
I felt so alone.
It's funny a few of you mention super markets. I, too, notice couples at super markets. I like it. I like watching the patience I see the men showing for their wives. My H was always very impatient with me in the market, would even accuse me of overspending (honestly--for small things like $3 tea--"You're NEVER going to drink that!") and he would walk away from me in stores to try to finish the shopping with minimal purchases. I, on the other hand, loved to flirt and joke with him in the stores. I actually loved spending that time with him, even if it often degenerated into his irritability. I would work hard to make him laugh anyway. So when I see other men treat their partners with respect and kindness, it warms my heart, and I see, "That's how it's SUPPOSED to be." Gosh, it honestly just takes my breath away thinking about it!
I NEED to believe in love, and so when I see couples loving each other I know everything is right, and that I, too, can expect to be loved one day.
I can't bear the thought that everyone is secretly unhappy together or just this side of a breakup. That's a terrible thought, and I need to keep my faith in men and in love.
Sometimes I realize with a bit of sadness that I'll never be in one of those golden marriages--the 50-year anniversaries are not in my future, unfortunately. I'm sad knowing that it isn't because I didn't try. I was "all in" but he was not.
I did meet an adorable elderly couple at work one day, and with a twinkle in my eye I asked them, "How long have you two been married?" Of course I expected the answer to be on the order of many decades, and was shocked and charmed when they said something in unison like, "Two years!" They were so happy. Love can come at any age. And nobody knows what life has in store. Don't WE know that some of our best plans never come to fruition. I certainly planned to be married to one man for the rest of my life, to be carefree and childless again one day, to help raise our grandchildren together. Que sera, sera, I suppose.
When I hear women complain about their husbands, I warn them to be gentle and attentive, to try to work things out. I don't believe any of us here did anything to cause our spouses' MLC, nor do I believe there's anything we could have done to prevent it, but I do want non-MLC couples to realize that discord that could lead to a "normal" divorce is to be avoided. Divorce is hell. Love is nourishment--REAL love, that is, as opposed to parasitic MLC pseudo-love.
I also know that, sadly, many married couples envy those of us who are single, who get to have a "do-over" in life, because they see the freedom, they see us trying a little harder to look especially nice, they think about the bickering they do with their spouses and the excitement (bleah!) that lies ahead of us singles (ohhh...honestly...I feel sick just thinking about it) and they maybe for a moment wonder what it would be like, maybe with a little bit of longing.
Oh, the grass is often green on the other side of the fence.
But I love the couples.
To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish man, a man of self-esteem, is capable of love—because he is the only man capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, unbetrayed values. The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone. --Ayn Rand
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Couple Envy?