[Patience]

HG--It's a tricky time, and is certainly as difficult, in a different way, than all that comes before. 

I'll recommend two books, not written with MLC in mind, but both by well-recognized marriage and infidelity experts.  John Gottman released a book last year titled something like The Science of Trust.  It's kind of academic, but has a few very practical chapters.  I would actually recommend any of his books in putting a marriage back together.  The other is by Shirley Glass.  I don't know the title, but if you look on Amazon, it was last released in 2004-2005.  Both are research based books. 

Keep in mind that some of the suggestions can't be done immediately as this is still MLC during reconnection.  I personally believe that there is some cross over in what goes on in reconnection and reconciliation.  During parts of reconnection one is paving the way for reconciliation to use common terminology. 

Just know there will be ups and downs along the way.  It takes time. 

[wondering]

Interesting to hear and read a few views/experiences while in reconnection. So much of what I have been linked to in this thread had to do with when reconnection starts. Maybe it's  just me...I'm not worried about when it starts or after what stage of MLC reconnection begins...I"m more interested with what to expect when in it..typical struggles, ways to navigate problems that arise...basically more info of what goes on.

I like what LC said:

"Who would you be if you were to end your stand and begin anew with another?  Would you expect all the things of the new R that you did of your M, or would you take each day as a new day, learning about this new person in your life, deciding if you were compatible?  As your relationship with that new person grew, would you expect them to just know you and tell you all, or would you try to develop healthy communication skills with them, letting them in on your hurt, your anger, your trust issues?  Would you have patience with them if they were unsure how to proceed, after they came to understand the depth of your pain?  No matter what, would you be willing to invest a large amount of time developing this new relationship, or would you want to rush it to perfection, all the while knowing perfection is an illusion?"

And I believe what Patience said about it being a tricky time.

[OldPilot]

I will also reccomend the books by Dr. Willard Harley (recommended by HB to me)

His Needs, Her Needs.

and

Fall in love Stay in Love.

These get into his idea of a Love Bank, and how you should spend 15 hours a week together, doing things, other than sleeping. 
Many marriage counselors including MWD/DB recommend dating.

[In this for ME]

Thanks for the info OP and Tsu
Frankly ANY relationship I've ever been in has been a whirlwind compared to I guess what "normal" standaards are. There always seemed to be a RUSH and it was on the part of both parties.
My relationship with EXH started as an affair on my part ( my second husband lasted 9 months rebound from first marriage) I really had no intention of the affair becoming a relationship as I knew we had some major problems with the physical aspect. But ExH wouldn't let it go. So here I am 30 years and two kids  later going WTF???

I don't know I want things to go a little easier this tip toeing through the tulips in some respects is EXHAUSTING.

[Tsunami]

OP, wonderful book!

I highly recommend "His Needs, Her Needs" to anyone in a relationship. 

Long Haul, this whole mess is EXHAUSTING. 

I strongly feel all standers love their spouses unconditionally.

[Tsunami]

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_coming-and-going_touch-and-goes-and-reconnection_reconnection.html

RCR's articles on the topic.

[Tsunami]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=190969&page=1

Snitching again from another site, another reconcilliation thread.

[wondering]

Thanks Tsumani for bring that info over here. It was interesting to read.  It also confirms to me that we are in true reconnection, not that I doubted it, but others feel because I'm only 19 months in it's only a touch and go. But the description of reconnection is where we are at...even crossing  over to reconcilation as they often overlap. I feel very lucky to have a second chance even though there are no guarentees.

[crazyforhim]

I have a question and not sure where to post it???
I figured since most of you here have your H's back home and somewhat out of replay
I was wondering how OBVIOUS your H's were about coming home or reconciling.

I totally realize my H is in replay and still with OW but the behaviours of H still wanting to see me and talk to me are just SO obvious...much more obvious than say about a month ago.

So I guess my question is were there things you noticed that were just so obvious that you went 

[hyperglad]

Thanks everyone for posting links/ suggestions...such a great help even if it is only confirmation what we have is par for the course. 

Crazy in my case with a CB my h portrayed typical CB behaviour of never straying to far and keeping one foot in both camps (mine more than ow) most of the time.

When my H returned Dec 10 for 5 maths even though he slept here every night he would not say he wanted to be with me...saying he didn't know what he wanted...he would not give up his cave....saying, he was scared he would have no where to live if i asked him to go again.

That now has all gone...he has commitment wants to be here and will do whatever it takes for that to happen...maybe that is the difference between reconnection (which we had in Dec 10) to reconciliation in Dec 11